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Old 03-02-2009, 03:23 PM
 
134 posts, read 183,704 times
Reputation: 71

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You have such a wonderful heart. From what you say, I can already see the love you feel for this child. I think you & your husband would be great. But not to discourage you, know that it is going to be hard. This boy has a lot of emotional baggage & you have to know deep in your heart no mattter how hard it gets you will treat this child like your own. Once you & your husband make this decision you can't forsake him. I know I might sound harsh but I am the oldest of 4 and my mother adopted 3 after me. My brothers are great and I can't imagine not having them in my life. It's been 17 yrs since the adoption and we've had hard times but never have my mother or I wished that it was a different life. I absolutely love my brothers.
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Orange County, California
1,016 posts, read 3,047,477 times
Reputation: 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by crash330 View Post
I've never posted on this topic because I do not have children. However, a situation has presented itself to me and I'm totally lost as what to do. I have consulted my parents, family and attorney. I'd just like some outside, unbiased thoughts. I'd be appreciative of any responses.

Here's my situation (forgive me for any confusion):
I am 25, female and married for less than a year to my college sweetheart. We would like to have children in 3-5 years but are enjoying our time together right now and paying off debt from our college fun.

Over this past weekend, while visiting my parents, I had a conversation with my mother's sister (my aunt) about her grandson. He is 7 years old and lives in a rented home with his mother and her boyfriend. The grandson's mother (my 1st cousin) just signed away her parental rights to her daughter this summer. My aunt's other daughter (my other 1st cousin) adopted the child (the son and daughter of my cousin are half-siblings).

Now, here's where it gets tricky. My cousin, the mother of the 7 year-old in question, is living with a drug dealer. He is currently on house arrest with 2 strikes against him. A third will send him back to jail. My cousin is currently running his drugs for him to his customers because he cannot leave home. The child is stuck in the middle. He is the sweetest, most precious child. So loving and affectionate. He is having behavior problems in school due to his home life. I won't go into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions. The boyfriend beats the mother in front of the child and he is confined to his room so he won't see anything that he can tell about.

The police are onto the situation and the child may be removed from the home soon. I have been asked if I would consider taking the child. My husband and I are really the only ones in our family who are capable of taking on a child, financially and emotionally, at this time. The sister who took the other sibling is now pregnant with a child of her own and cannot take care of another child.

I have received lots of advice from my attorney and family, but I'm going to ask this question of you. What would you do? I love this little boy so much. He was the ring bearer in my wedding. He doesn't deserve this life that has been chosen for him. I think I've made up my mind, but I just wanted to ask this of you parents. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
If you and your husband can find it in your heart to open your home to him, you will be greatly rewarded in life. There are many more important things than money.
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:16 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,775,387 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crash330 View Post
My husband and I have discussed this at length and he wants to take the child. I'm just now working things out with the attorney and the courts to make sure the mother cannot take the child back before the adoption is final.
Good for you! This is perfect. Getting all your ducks in a row is the best thing to do!

It's wonderful what you and your husband is doing.
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:48 PM
 
412 posts, read 936,258 times
Reputation: 219
Quote:
Originally Posted by noplacelikeWA View Post
There is no question this child needs a better home, and while you may be qualified and willing, it still may not be the best thing for the child. I speak from experience, I have adopted 4 children whom are siblings and were in a very similar situation. I am the half sister of the mother and the state took the kids from her and after a long battle we gained relative placement of the children. It took 5 years to finally officially adopt the kids.

What kind of relationship do you have with the mother? Even if you adopt the child and her rights are terminated, she is still a member of your extended family. This is what makes the whole situation much more complicated.

We fought to keep our kids in the family and not have them adopted out to foster homes, believing they deserved to be a part of our whole family. The catch is that the mother did not want to give up being the mom, and every day every person in our entire family suffers. Our extended family is divided as a result, those who believe her kids were taken from her unjustly and those who support our efforts to raise them. Every family event, every family conversation is a hugely painful experience and it has been this way for over 7 years. On top of all that add to it the fact that every child no matter how awful their home life is, has an undying love and desire to be with their "real" parents. I could go on and on with how difficult it is to raise my sisters kids and even though it is really tough, I believe we did the right thing, that God willed us to do this and that He gives us the strength to press on thru it.

Bottomline, adopting a relative child is VERY different from foster adopting. Are you really sure you are the best alternative home for this child?
I think it's great that you're considering it, but I think the post that I quoted has some very important points.
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:49 PM
 
Location: California
598 posts, read 2,069,749 times
Reputation: 461
Wow, I am so moved by this story. I hope you get the boy, and that this situation doesn't "crumble" (i.e., the mom gets clean for 3 months and decides she won't give up rights, etc). These things can be so frustrating.

I'm hoping for you...
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Old 03-12-2009, 08:06 PM
 
Location: North Florida
414 posts, read 1,856,897 times
Reputation: 358
As an update, my cousin's boyfriend went to jail and she consequently had to move to a smaller place because she couldn't afford the old one. She's getting back on her feet and she got a job. Honestly, I still think he'd be better off without his mother, but she's trying to change her life so me and my family are supporting her. We see her son pretty regularly and he's coming to stay with us this summer. I'm just glad the drug dealer boyfriend is out of their lives! Thanks for all the kind words and advice.
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Old 03-18-2009, 02:06 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,222,225 times
Reputation: 1723
Yes I would.
But before taking it further, I would ensure my wife was happy about it too.
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