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Old 11-11-2010, 03:29 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,688,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80 View Post
Actually yeah because i would have a. called the police and b. taken my mother to small claims court....or smashed her tv . Very Very mature of you btw.
Lol, called the police and said what? I was mouthing off to my mother and being disrespectful so she smashed my tv? Not only can you not file a claim at small claims court being under age but it would get laughed at. I have never once laid a hand on my children, ever. They also hardly ever spoke back to me because they quickly realized it was met swiftly. You, apparently, were a spoiled brat and acted like one, that wouldn't fly at my house.

There are people out there having sex with their kids in their beds, but discipline is a bad thing?
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:58 AM
 
10,465 posts, read 8,027,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Well that depends on how old the child is.....and never underestimate an intelligent mother. All it takes is shutting off the breaker and removing the electrical outlets in the room dear, putting wire nuts on the bare wires, flipping the breaker back on and voila! Problem solved! No plug ins! So sad! (not as smart as you think?) As a mother, believe me, I knew/know EXACTLY what I was/am required to provide my children. Run your mouth and believe me, my children wouldn't have one single "right" that the law didn't require them to have. My children love and respect me and they DON'T push me, they're way to smart for that! Please make a note that I give credit to my children. All it took was them seeing my oldest child pulling the things you said YOU pulled and said you'd pull on your parents. They saw how their brother was hauled out of here in handcuffs in the back of a police car when he started destroying things and making threats because his manipulation and bullying didn't work. They saw how he spent some time in Juv detention for his escapades. They saw how he CHOSE to find another place to live because he couldn't make his own rules and couldn't abide by ours. Yeah, the rest of the kids got quite an education out of the episode in our lives. They see how their adult brother 27 y.o. is disgusted with his teenaged episodes, how he can't believe he was so incredibly stupid and rotten (his words, not mine).....my words are "rebellious".
Oooh, I do like it when you get all passionate about something, beachmel!

Bravo to you, it must take a lot of guts to go through all of that with someone who was once your baby and stick to it. I'm glad he came out the other side with just a few regrets. I really, really hope this doesn't happen to me. What do you think it is that set him off? I can imagine you were a particularly permissive parent when he was growing up.

Do some kids just flip when they get to a certain age, or did he have a rebellious streak all along? I often wonder what causes this kind of crazy adolescent behavior.
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 10,912,680 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Oooh, I do like it when you get all passionate about something, beachmel!

Bravo to you, it must take a lot of guts to go through all of that with someone who was once your baby and stick to it. I'm glad he came out the other side with just a few regrets. I really, really hope this doesn't happen to me. What do you think it is that set him off? I can imagine you were a particularly permissive parent when he was growing up.

Do some kids just flip when they get to a certain age, or did he have a rebellious streak all along? I often wonder what causes this kind of crazy adolescent behavior.
We always had the same rules, morals and manners in our home. That boy was the kindest, sweetest, most polite, well-behaved child I ever saw. He was athletic and studious and highly intelligent...advanced in all his studies in grade school and jr. high. He attended youth group at our church. He was also large for his age, which sometimes made him a target for the "little man syndrome" kids at school, as well as being "tested" by some of the other boys. He was the kid who, if he did hit back, got caught.

More than anything, I think he got tired of being "good". There was no payoff, that he could see, with being "the good one" and starting hanging out at school with kids who had parents who set no limitations. He gave up. He was sent to a counselor in upper gradeschool who told him, "No one makes you do anything. Everything you do, you choose to do on your own. Shoot, it's like homework, no one can even make you do THAT! There are consequences if you don't, but ultimately, it's your choice." Well, he took that to heart. So many of the other kids were doing what they "wanted" to do, and he wasn't seeing consequences for that.

Another thing that has to be considered (in answer to your question) is this, and it's only through dealing with his abrupt personality change that I even came upon the knowledge. Children, especially little boys, are rambunctious. Some of them have a facination with ramming thier heads into things (pail on the head, running into walls, hitting head on the floor) or climb, run, ride their bikes, hit their heads. When he was a around 2-3, he was running down a concrete ramp, fell and struck his forehead. He had a HUGE lump. I took him to the doctors...no concussion, no bleeding, doc said he was fine.....boys will be boys. He never showed any signs of being different.....until he hit his teens.

Our emotional processing occurs in the frontal lobe of the brain (forehead). Damage and/or scarring that occurs there in toddlers, may not manifest itself until they're in their teens, because the "brain wiring" did not occur correctly due to the damage in the frontal lobe. Teens are required to process more emotional stuff, on a larger range and don't have someone constantly protecting them. They have to learn to deal with these things on their own. Much more is asked of them. It's possible that this played a part in his "rebellious" behavior. (speculation due to research). We tried getting him counselling, but "he didn't have a problem, it was everyone else who did". The counsellor said that until HE was ready, there was no sense in seeing him. Maybe it was "friends' influence. Maybe it was plain ole rebellion, but it sure put a wrench in his life. As I said, none of my other kids have even remotely behaved that way....only him.

There are so many things that bring about this rebelliousness in children. Some are born with it. Some are influenced by their peers and in their desperate need to "fit in", conform to the pressures. Some have parents who are so lousy, and such bad examples of members of society, that they learn from them. When we're kids, we have a tendency to think the grass is always greener on the other side. It isn't until we get older, talk to some of these "greener" kids (now adults), that we realize that their lives were NOT what we thought they were. It isn't until it's "too late", that we realize that the homes WE were raised in, were the good and "functional" homes. LOL This is the case with my son. He is still shocked and sickend at what he "did to his family", he can't believe he was so "ignorant, stupid and rotten". We love him to death and have forgiven him for his rebellious teen behavior, but there are scars that he left on the younger children....reservations they carry, wondering if he's going to "flip out again". He is still dealing with the consequences of his actions and they hurt.
I'll tell ya, I learned a whole lot about parenting, parents' rights and children's rights through my firstborn. It's made dealing with the following three much easier!! Because of his behaviors.....I am definitely a much better and more knowlegable parent now.

Last edited by beachmel; 11-11-2010 at 07:50 AM..
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:33 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,980,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
This fascinates me. Would you still do their laundry and cook for them too?
Yeah, why not? As long as they follow the rules of picking up after themselves, bringing laundry to the basket, etc I have no issue doing so.
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:36 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,980,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toonces07 View Post
No kidding....it's almost as if you met my mother-in-law. LOL!

Seriously, though, I was a teenager and contrary to popular belief, I did not know everything. I trust my father did what he felt was best for me. I did not like it, but I did respect him as a father.
Not all parents know what is best for their kids. My own father told me that finishing high school wasn't important and I could sleep around as much as I wanted, just don't get married. I'm not gonna respect that.
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:38 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,980,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
When you are an adult you are to become a productive member of society and the free ride ends. I gave them every tool to succeed as adults, now it was time to use them. If they didn't go to school and wanted to work? Fine. But they were going to contribute to the household and learn what it is like to pay bills.

FWIW, both my kids went to school, one is done his Masters, one finishes this year. Neither has ever moved home, never asked for a dime and are doing just fine. They do, however, gladly accept the care packages I still insist on sending them.

You know what I find curious is that there are other countries, familial cultures where they raise their children and allow them to stay in their home (rent free and cooking for the kids ::the horror: and these people still go on to become successful, productive members of society.

The whole "free ride" crap is ridiculous, IMO. I'm not giving my kids a free ride. I'm fulfilling the obligations that I made when I got pregnant with them.
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:39 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,688,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Yeah, why not? As long as they follow the rules of picking up after themselves, bringing laundry to the basket, etc I have no issue doing so.
I am going to deliver a message to you from your sons future wife.

Dear Magritte,

I hate you.

Love,

Your daughter-in-law
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:39 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,980,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I can't imagine EVER (in a million years) telling my parents to basically shove it. It would not have been in the realm of my imagination. Thus far it hasn't come up with my own kids. No matter how unhappy they might be with my decision on something.
I told my father to kiss my ass when he insinuated that I was smoking pot because I was so tired. Nevermind I was 14 years old, going to school and working 5 nights a week to help support the family.

Sorry just being a parent doesn't confer some magical bubble where you can't be told you're an ass.
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:43 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,980,312 times
Reputation: 16640
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
I am going to deliver a message to you from your sons future wife.

Dear Magritte,

I hate you.

Love,

Your daughter-in-law

Dear Current MIL (from me M25),

Thank you for raising a son that is respectful of women and who will pitch in around the house. Thank you also for instilling a love of family and a priority of family over all, something I was sorely lacking from my own childhood.

Love,
Your DIL
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:44 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,980,312 times
Reputation: 16640
Stating that you will cook for your kids and do laundry for them doesn't mean you will not teach them how to do it as well. I cook for my husband, doesn't mean he doesn't how to cook.
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