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Old 11-12-2010, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 10,918,801 times
Reputation: 19511

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Yeah he slapped me in the mouth. Totally notched up my respect for him by a million degrees let me tell ya.

When I was working my ass off to support his drinking habit and pay his bills that he refused to pay because he was too busy getting his drink on it flew IMO.

Did you not say you were a drunk as well? If this man was such a monster, can you explain to me why he "had" to kick you out at (or before) 18? (So many stories it's hard to keep them straight). Believe me, if I'd had it really bad, I would have been making plans, figuring out how to get out of there and make my own way in the world instead of landing on the street, no place to go, no one to turn to, etc. Yeah, a whole lot more to the story, that's for sure.

Big difference between people, that's for sure!
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Old 11-12-2010, 02:33 PM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,992,193 times
Reputation: 16640
Quote:
Originally Posted by pandorafan5687 View Post
ooooh so your dad was just a drunk. nvm, you win.
Yep, just a drunk.
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Old 11-12-2010, 02:35 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,406,654 times
Reputation: 1729
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
WTF are you talking about?!!!!!


My kids go to normal public school

I do not sleep with my husband while my kids are in the same bed

I don't sleep with random strangers and I certainly do not have one who is afraid of everything!

WAY OVER THE LINE AND TOTAL LIES.

She was referring to me dear .
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Old 11-12-2010, 02:37 PM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,992,193 times
Reputation: 16640
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Did you not say you were a drunk as well? If this man was such a monster, can you explain to me why he "had" to kick you out at (or before) 18? (So many stories it's hard to keep them straight). Believe me, if I'd had it really bad, I would have been making plans, figuring out how to get out of there and make my own way in the world instead of landing on the street, no place to go, no one to turn to, etc. Yeah, a whole lot more to the story, that's for sure.

Big difference between people, that's for sure!
Here's your cookie and gold star. You win.

Life isn't as black and white as you and some others try to make it. Every life has many stories and I'm sorry it's so difficult for you to keep up.

Let's just say that I loved my mother and sisters and didn't want to leave them alone. Let's also say that I wasn't a drunk, I was a young, confused girl with really poor self esteem that drank as a way to ease my mounting depression. Let's also say that my dad was certifiably insane by the time he died and didn't make reasonable decisions or much sense, ok?

I cannot believe the level you are willing to sink to in order to right. ::shaking head::
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Old 11-12-2010, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 10,918,801 times
Reputation: 19511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Here's your cookie and gold star. You win.

Life isn't as black and white as you and some others try to make it. Every life has many stories and I'm sorry it's so difficult for you to keep up.

Let's just say that I loved my mother and sisters and didn't want to leave them alone. Let's also say that I wasn't a drunk, I was a young, confused girl with really poor self esteem that drank as a way to ease my mounting depression. Let's also say that my dad was certifiably insane by the time he died and didn't make reasonable decisions or much sense, ok?

I cannot believe the level you are willing to sink to in order to right. ::shaking head::

Don't you see? Your bolded statement above is what I and some others are trying to get across to you and some others! Life ISN'T black and white! This whole dispute got started because of statements made about kicking out an 18 year old kid. SOME kids need to get kicked out, they are disrespectful, disorderly, abusive, manipulative little monsters. Some of us have shared that we will not TOLERATE such behavior. When you lay down the law, right off the bat, and do not waver from what you will and will not tolerate, as well as your expectations of your children, there IS no great surprise in store for your kids.

It''s the parents who are inconsistant with their boundaries, and parents who frankly, are in general, poor, poor examples of appropriate parents, who end up with kids who are constantly crossing those boundaries. Some kids are BORN rebels.....some turn into them later, for whatever reason. I and others still say that we feel extremely confident saying this to our children....."I have told you the way I feel, made it clear.....your entire life, what I will and will not tolerate, and I have always made clear the consequences you will have if you should decide not to respect those boundaries. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that you can not live at home if you continue to behave in this fashion."

Some posters here have said, "I would NEVER kick my child out of my home." Some posters here have said, "I definitely would kick my child out of my home." We LOVE our children, we HELP our children. We are THERE for our children. Some of us have our grown children living with us. They FOLLOW and RESPECT the rules of our homes. They are contributing adult members of our home. There simply are no alternatives. They are comfortable with us, are working toward setting up good foundations for their adult lives, while continuing to learn important life lessons from us....but they respect the owners and heads of the house. It's why they're still living with us.

What the biggest argument here is, is that we are being told that you are a crappy parent IF you kick your kid out! Well, you haven't personally had to deal with "monster" kids apparently. It's like you're telling the person who'd kick their child out if they stole everything of value from the home, while they were at work, a monster.....like you think the person whose child punched them in the face for telling them they can't stay out all night, a monster. It isn't all black and white!
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Old 11-12-2010, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,155 posts, read 7,314,661 times
Reputation: 3197
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Don't you see? Your bolded statement above is what I and some others are trying to get across to you and some others! Life ISN'T black and white! This whole dispute got started because of statements made about kicking out an 18 year old kid. SOME kids need to get kicked out, they are disrespectful, disorderly, abusive, manipulative little monsters. Some of us have shared that we will not TOLERATE such behavior. When you lay down the law, right off the bat, and do not waver from what you will and will not tolerate, as well as your expectations of your children, there IS no great surprise in store for your kids.

It''s the parents who are inconsistant with their boundaries, and parents who frankly, are in general, poor, poor examples of appropriate parents, who end up with kids who are constantly crossing those boundaries. Some kids are BORN rebels.....some turn into them later, for whatever reason. I and others still say that we feel extremely confident saying this to our children....."I have told you the way I feel, made it clear.....your entire life, what I will and will not tolerate, and I have always made clear the consequences you will have if you should decide not to respect those boundaries. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that you can not live at home if you continue to behave in this fashion."

Some posters here have said, "I would NEVER kick my child out of my home." Some posters here have said, "I definitely would kick my child out of my home." We LOVE our children, we HELP our children. We are THERE for our children. Some of us have our grown children living with us. They FOLLOW and RESPECT the rules of our homes. They are contributing adult members of our home. There simply are no alternatives. They are comfortable with us, are working toward setting up good foundations for their adult lives, while continuing to learn important life lessons from us....but they respect the owners and heads of the house. It's why they're still living with us.

What the biggest argument here is, is that we are being told that you are a crappy parent IF you kick your kid out! Well, you haven't personally had to deal with "monster" kids apparently. It's like you're telling the person who'd kick their child out if they stole everything of value from the home, while they were at work, a monster.....like you think the person whose child punched them in the face for telling them they can't stay out all night, a monster. It isn't all black and white!
And they are obviously still there because you also must not be unreasonable in your rules and you must be treating them their age and with some respect a dignity and therefore they don't have an issue about it or you wouldn't say they were comfortable with you and didn't mind being there.

There is a difference in putting down rules for people who live in your house to maintain some order and so everyone has common courtesy for everyone and setting rules on people in your house simply to control them and their actions because you want to.

What are your adult childrens ages and what are some of the house rules you have for them?
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Old 11-12-2010, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 10,918,801 times
Reputation: 19511
One your age and one a few years older. They do everything around here that their parents do. Anything that needs to be done is up for grabs....from cooking, cleaning, laundry, remodeling, buying groceries, toiletries, cleaning supplies, splitting/stacking/carrying firewood, taking turns retrieving younger brother from sports practice, remodeling and home repair projects (and pitching in on materials). Everything.....including everyone pitching in taking care of our grandson who lives here, right down to changing diapers and bathing. She works part-time and attends college full-time. The one who's your age was attending college, but changed his mind and enlisted in the Navy and will be headed to bootcamp in February. He works part-time and helps with everything listed above. There are no lines here....no children vs adults. We are and have been teaching them how to do everything that needs to be done to make it in this world, how to work on your home, repair vehicles, garden....pretty darn much everything!

Do not get me wrong, my kids are no different, in many respects, from most kids out there. They have had times when they've "questioned" their parents' decisions. Conversations have gotten loud, feelings have been hurt, and ultimatums have been spelled out and given. We do not call names, do not use derogatory statements, nor will we tolerate them. We will not be told NO, I'm not going to do it. They would never say, "Why don't YOU do it?" "Why can't HE do it?" If my kids are watching something on tv and are told to do something, they do not say, "NO, I'm watching something." If it's really important and they can't stop the movie, they might (rarely) say, "Can I do it when this is over?" or "Can I do it during a commercial?" That is ONLY if it's something that really CAN wait. If one of says, "No, you NEED to do it now. It was something you were already supposed to have done." There is no argument, no bitching, no complaining. They KNEW they were supposed to have done it. Mind you, when they were in grade school or jr. high, they did test their boundaries occasionally....and were always met with consistency.

We work HARD. We strive to be good and decent people....not big drinkers, don't do drugs. Don't ask for charity, borrow money or expect something for nothing. We have always tried to set good examples of how to live and how to treat others, for our kids and that includes always saying I love you, please, and thank you to our children. They are extremely polite and conscientious, because that is the way they have been raised and what we expect of them.

Neither my husband or I were raised the way we're raising our children. We were expected to be respectful, but weren't shown respect. We were expected to do as we were told, to never ask questions, to be seen and not heard. We have raised our children to question everything.. ..respectfully in tone and content, but that ultimately, they were to be obedient when the final decision was made. Raising their voices earned them time alone in their rooms...they had no tvs or video games in there (not after the first one), only books and their toys or personal belongings. Okay.......I'm writing a book here and have work to do...gotta finish a project in the latest (joint effort) room remodel!
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Old 11-12-2010, 05:26 PM
 
18,845 posts, read 34,678,153 times
Reputation: 26290
There is nothing wrong with sending a kid out at age 18, especially now. There are options, military, Job Corps. I was out earlier than 18. This is better than having someone at home at age 21, whining that they cannot find a job, and mooching off of you. I have seen kids, over 25, still living at home, barely working some day job, no job skills, no school, no ambition. And they still have a car, and a cell phone...a computer...who would get on with their life if they don't have to do anything at all and can just stay home forever.
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Old 11-12-2010, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States
352 posts, read 669,464 times
Reputation: 351
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
The thing is, unless your kids sudden (at 18) develop a drug habit or some other issue this is a long time coming (kid having no respect).

It starts as little kids. You make them do chores and earn things above 'basic needs.' You have to impart to them that they are not 'entitled' nor do you give in to them whining and crying for the latest 'game device' as soon as it comes out. You don't let them think they DESERVE their own tv, computer or car 'just because.'

You explain to them that 'just because' they want things they cannot simply 'have them' without working for them.

It's not laughing when the kid at 8 says 'shut up' to your spouse and you think it's cute...it won't be cute at 18...

It's about not raising your kids on a pedestal where they think the sun and the moon revolve around them.

Like I say, you don't suddenly have discipline problems at 18 (discounting drugs). They start much younger...

I'm sorry for your friend but she must have some sort of hand in the child's behavior.
This, I think, is the most important post in this thread.
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Old 11-13-2010, 07:04 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,992,193 times
Reputation: 16640
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Don't you see? Your bolded statement above is what I and some others are trying to get across to you and some others! Life ISN'T black and white! This whole dispute got started because of statements made about kicking out an 18 year old kid. SOME kids need to get kicked out, they are disrespectful, disorderly, abusive, manipulative little monsters. Some of us have shared that we will not TOLERATE such behavior. When you lay down the law, right off the bat, and do not waver from what you will and will not tolerate, as well as your expectations of your children, there IS no great surprise in store for your kids.

It''s the parents who are inconsistant with their boundaries, and parents who frankly, are in general, poor, poor examples of appropriate parents, who end up with kids who are constantly crossing those boundaries. Some kids are BORN rebels.....some turn into them later, for whatever reason. I and others still say that we feel extremely confident saying this to our children....."I have told you the way I feel, made it clear.....your entire life, what I will and will not tolerate, and I have always made clear the consequences you will have if you should decide not to respect those boundaries. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that you can not live at home if you continue to behave in this fashion."

Some posters here have said, "I would NEVER kick my child out of my home." Some posters here have said, "I definitely would kick my child out of my home." We LOVE our children, we HELP our children. We are THERE for our children. Some of us have our grown children living with us. They FOLLOW and RESPECT the rules of our homes. They are contributing adult members of our home. There simply are no alternatives. They are comfortable with us, are working toward setting up good foundations for their adult lives, while continuing to learn important life lessons from us....but they respect the owners and heads of the house. It's why they're still living with us.

What the biggest argument here is, is that we are being told that you are a crappy parent IF you kick your kid out! Well, you haven't personally had to deal with "monster" kids apparently. It's like you're telling the person who'd kick their child out if they stole everything of value from the home, while they were at work, a monster.....like you think the person whose child punched them in the face for telling them they can't stay out all night, a monster. It isn't all black and white!
I never called anyone a crappy parent.
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