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Old 09-30-2011, 03:43 PM
 
10,043 posts, read 17,699,179 times
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I haven't read all this thread, but would this be ok?

elderly parent is old, sick, alone, and poor, living with their adult child. but, elderly parent refuses to "follow the rules" doesn't get along with the household, etc.

So, "tough love". Kick the elderly parent out, pack their bags and lock the door. To #ell with themWhere do they go, what do they do---not your problem. Sound ok?
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:34 PM
 
32,524 posts, read 33,882,156 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I haven't read all this thread, but would this be ok?

elderly parent is old, sick, alone, and poor, living with their adult child. but, elderly parent refuses to "follow the rules" doesn't get along with the household, etc.

So, "tough love". Kick the elderly parent out, pack their bags and lock the door. To #ell with themWhere do they go, what do they do---not your problem. Sound ok?
First thing I'd do is take "elderly parent" to the doctor for a full physical check-up, blood work, etc. to see if "elderly parent" has a physical problem to explain his/her behavior.

Then I'd find out if "elderly parent" has a psychological problem. I'd explore the possiblilty of depression.

I wouldn't kick out a poor, sick, elderly parent who is alone until ALL other avenues had been exhausted. ALL. And then I'd need a reason: like the police are at my door telling me I need to do it to keep the rest of my family safe because he's going to murder us in our sleep.
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Old 10-07-2011, 06:07 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,409,455 times
Reputation: 1729
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I haven't read all this thread, but would this be ok?

elderly parent is old, sick, alone, and poor, living with their adult child. but, elderly parent refuses to "follow the rules" doesn't get along with the household, etc.

So, "tough love". Kick the elderly parent out, pack their bags and lock the door. To #ell with themWhere do they go, what do they do---not your problem. Sound ok?

I agree...it's one thing i think if your child is in their early 20's...but at 18 they have no real avenues to leave the house, and it seems a bit cold.
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Old 10-12-2011, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,661 posts, read 36,320,234 times
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An 18-year-old is not a child.
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Old 10-13-2011, 08:35 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,409,455 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
An 18-year-old is not a child.

Legally no, mentally in todays day and age thanks to how we raise kids they still are.
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Old 10-13-2011, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,661 posts, read 36,320,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80 View Post
Legally no, mentally in todays day and age thanks to how we raise kids they still are.
Then you have to raise them right.
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Old 10-15-2011, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,214 posts, read 8,700,704 times
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I agree that most 18 year olds aren't adults in the sense that most aren't equipped to handle adult life yet at that age. It's a different world now, though. 30-40 years ago, it was still possible for someone to graduate high school and get a job at a local factory or something. They wouldn't make a lavish wage, but it would be enough to pay for an apartment and have a somewhat decent quality of life. Those days are pretty much gone, and you basically need a college education to get any sort of decent job these days. If your child is out the door at age 18 with no other support system in place, college is essentially a non-option.

If our child was completely unruly and resisted repeated attempts at correcting behavior, I would have no problem showing him the door at age 18. Sometimes a harsh dose of reality is the only thing that saves some people.
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Old 10-15-2011, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,146,438 times
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I would never kick out my 18 year old.
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Old 10-15-2011, 05:12 PM
 
Location: USA (North Springfield, Vermont)
219 posts, read 446,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by azoria View Post
fiddlesticks.

Tough love? What happened to family commitment? When did it become ok to send your own 18 year old daughter out into the streets? And why in gods name would this seem even remotely like a good idea?

It sounds like there is a power struggle? An uncooperative 18 year old daughter who refuses to abide by household rules. So the parents determine that the path to 'winning' is to unload the unrepentant child into homelessness. Tough love my a$s, this is abandonment and worse, pushing a young foolish girl into a very dangerous and precarious predicament. And if this ensues--who is the winner??? What is victory worth when your child is out homeless on the street?

That is just stupid contemporary psychobabble. You don't abandon family members like that, much less your own children. Family is the foundation of culture and country and civilization. Just because there is a belligerent child in the home is no excuse for that kind of inhumanity and abandonment. especially for a young vulnerable girl.

I don't know what the fix is, but i do know that throwing family members out the door benefits none of the players here. Perhaps there is some kind of family counseling or remediation that can be found. Perhaps the parents can stifle their frustration for a time while this girl finishes growing up.

I utterly and completely repudiate the nonsense social babble of *tough love*. We need to take care of our own. Even when they are despicable and difficult. When they are old and infirm. When they are tiny infants and unbearably irritating. Responsible adults respond to crisis with reason and caring and thought and purpose. They don't just get fed up and throw their kids out of the house.

It's not ok.
QFT. What's up with parents?
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Old 10-24-2011, 02:08 AM
 
Location: rain city
2,958 posts, read 12,038,378 times
Reputation: 4935
Just to update.....I can't believe this thread has been running now for 3 years....I was outraged originally when I read how calloused and unforgiving people were to their own family members who had failed to tow the line and behaved badly.....no wonder America is on the skids when we are so ready to toss our children into the gutter.

But my reputation box speaks loudly. I haven't counted them, but I would estimate that in the last 3 years since I originally posted my revolt against 'tough love' I have received about thirty (or maybe more) positive approvals of my statements repudiating the contemporary cruelty of throwing teenage children to the wolves when they fail to conform to the accepted patterns of strict successful progression from childhood to adult.

In fact of the hundreds of posts I've ever posted on City Data, none has had the longevity or support that this post has endured.

//www.city-data.com/forum/5697287-post7.html

So I reckon there are still plenty of people in America who reject the pop psychology of child abandonment, and who love their children and other family members through thick and thin, and whose love and commitment endures even in hard times.

Thanks and kudos to everyone who refuses to toss their kids out the door when the going gets rough.
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