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Old 11-08-2010, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,648,146 times
Reputation: 19503

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Actually I am looking at my teenage self and seeing that kicking an 18 year old out in the streets really messed up my life good for a long time. It isn't the right road to take.
Why did you get kicked out at 18? Mags, I was on my own at 16 years old. I was just fine! Lots of us were and we're here typing on our computers in our own homes. I didn't get kicked out, but left on my own. Some kids NEED to get kicked out. If they can't follow the rules, are obstinate, lazy and disobedient and disrespectful, that's the consequences of their actions. Actions........Consequences. It's that simple! This 18 year old isn't the OPs responsibility. The OP is 23 years old and is giving the 18 yo a place to stay and the 18 year old is walking all over him/her! Apparently, this 18 yo has a track record of flopping at people's houses, walking all over them and getting kicked out. Until he runs out of options, he's clearly not going to straighten up. Maybe he never will...that's HIS choice. You can't save someone who doesn't want or "need" saving! He's a user....period!
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Southwest Louisiana
3,052 posts, read 2,763,142 times
Reputation: 885
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
If you are ok with your daughter being homeless, hungry and vulnerable, go ahead and kick her out.
lol I'm only 23 years old, I don't have any children. I know the guy stays out late from talking to the man that was kind enough to temporarily let this kid stay w/ him. Instead of handling his business he wants to be out w/ his girl. He always wants to borrow money, but yet I don't get **** in return. He doesn't live w/ me(and never will).
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:22 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,253 posts, read 39,171,001 times
Reputation: 20198
Most 18 year olds in my generation couldn't WAIT to get out of their parents' house. That was the age of legal adulthood, when you had the right to move out and mommy and daddy couldn't do diddly to stop you.

But then, there were jobs available, and college grants for those who wanted to attend, and kids made the effort to BE adults, so that when they left home they'd have some general idea of what they would need to do to get along in life. By the time they moved out at 18, they knew how to boil a hotdog, grill a steak, wash dishes, do laundry, drive some kind of motor vehicle, and could read, write, and count change.

If the parents didn't teach them, they looked to someone else to teach them. If a kid's too lazy to get off his butt, put down the wifi, and LEARN how to survive away from mommy's breast, then it's his own fault when he's expected to do so and can't figure it out. Teenagers have big mouths. It's up to them to use them, or suffer for the lack.
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:29 PM
 
Location: USA (North Springfield, Vermont)
219 posts, read 437,241 times
Reputation: 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by azoria View Post
Fiddlesticks.

Tough love? What happened to family commitment? When did it become ok to send your own 18 year old daughter out into the streets? And why in gods name would this seem even remotely like a good idea?

It sounds like there is a power struggle? An uncooperative 18 year old daughter who refuses to abide by household rules. So the parents determine that the path to 'winning' is to unload the unrepentant child into homelessness. Tough love my a$s, this is abandonment and worse, pushing a young foolish girl into a very dangerous and precarious predicament. And if this ensues--who is the winner??? What is victory worth when your child is out homeless on the street?

That is just stupid contemporary psychobabble. You don't abandon family members like that, much less your own children. Family is the foundation of culture and country and civilization. Just because there is a belligerent child in the home is no excuse for that kind of inhumanity and abandonment. Especially for a young vulnerable girl.

I don't know what the fix is, but I DO KNOW that throwing family members out the door benefits none of the players here. Perhaps there is some kind of family counseling or remediation that can be found. Perhaps the parents can stifle their frustration for a time while this girl finishes growing up.

I utterly and completely repudiate the nonsense social babble of *tough love*. We need to take care of our own. Even when they are despicable and difficult. When they are old and infirm. When they are tiny infants and unbearably irritating. Responsible adults respond to crisis with reason and caring and thought and purpose. They don't just get fed up and throw their kids out of the house.

It's not ok.
qft. Parents should go to jail for criminal neglect.
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:32 PM
 
10,017 posts, read 17,194,387 times
Reputation: 17094
I just saw something on TV about human trafficking, its especially prevalant in Houston. Girls as young as 14 are forced into prostitution. They target girls from Mexico and Central America, but I suppose any young girl (or boy) could be a potential victim.

sometimes my ds aggravates me so much I fantasize about throwing his butt out at 18, but, come on...........I really couldn't do that, hmmm...........could I?

Like a friend of ours, his son was a real jerk, finally, they took him out of high school, homeschooled the final year, got him a GED, then told him he had to either get a job or go into the military, no free ride there. He just served a 5-year stint with the Navy, made a real man out of him. There's many paths for a young person to follow, we as parents just have to help them find the right one, and sending them out to a homeless shelter on their own isn't the right path to anywhere!
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:39 PM
 
10,017 posts, read 17,194,387 times
Reputation: 17094
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJARRRPCGP View Post
qft. Parents should go to jail for criminal neglect.

Oh, but unfortunately I think the law is on the parents side. Legally they're not responsible after 18, but that doesn't make it right.

I had a friend in high school, her father died and mother remarried. the stepfather didn't want kids, he made it quite clear she was on her own at age 18, and she was. She continued to live there only if she paid rent, she even had her own small refrigerator and bought her own food. She lived with us one summer while looking for a job, my Dad never thought to charge her rent, her step dad even made her pay gas if he drove her to job interviews, etc.

On the other hand, my Dad drove her to interviews, bought her lunch, waited for her in questionable areas instead of dropping her off and expecting her to take the bus home, like her stepdad. You'd think she was his daughter, not the evil step dad. Just a difference in people!
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:55 PM
 
18,847 posts, read 33,836,065 times
Reputation: 26254
There are rules, and if children do not choose to follow the rules, then they can make it on their own. There are some who are stubborn enough to do that. I don't agree with "throwing" children out at age 18, but if you have been living with a child who is incorrigiable since 15, then...they have made a choice. I had a son, who drove me crazy. I signed his paperwork for the military when he was 17, and he was off on his way. He almost did not even get in, because he screwed up his school work so bad, he was not going to graduate, until I begged the counselor to pass him so he could go into the military. They did some "magic" and he got his diploma. He is off on his own now, and doing well. I am so glad that I did "tough love", because I have no doubt he would be in prison now if I had not sent him off to basic training at 17.
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Old 11-08-2010, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,648,146 times
Reputation: 19503
Quote:
Originally Posted by pandorafan5687 View Post
lol I'm only 23 years old, I don't have any children. I know the guy stays out late from talking to the man that was kind enough to temporarily let this kid stay w/ him. Instead of handling his business he wants to be out w/ his girl. He always wants to borrow money, but yet I don't get **** in return. He doesn't live w/ me(and never will).
Sorry Pandorafan.....I thought you said he was living with you! LOL Good! I'm glad you're not going to let him. phew!
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Old 11-08-2010, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,648,146 times
Reputation: 19503
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
Most 18 year olds in my generation couldn't WAIT to get out of their parents' house. That was the age of legal adulthood, when you had the right to move out and mommy and daddy couldn't do diddly to stop you.

But then, there were jobs available, and college grants for those who wanted to attend, and kids made the effort to BE adults, so that when they left home they'd have some general idea of what they would need to do to get along in life. By the time they moved out at 18, they knew how to boil a hotdog, grill a steak, wash dishes, do laundry, drive some kind of motor vehicle, and could read, write, and count change.

If the parents didn't teach them, they looked to someone else to teach them. If a kid's too lazy to get off his butt, put down the wifi, and LEARN how to survive away from mommy's breast, then it's his own fault when he's expected to do so and can't figure it out. Teenagers have big mouths. It's up to them to use them, or suffer for the lack.

Yaaaaaay!! This is the post of the day! IMHO... Dear Lord, I couldn't WAIT to get out of the house, get a job, a place of my own and take care of ME.....only ME! I did NOT call my parents collect, did not borrow money.....jeez, I worked for a living. It's what I moved out to do!!
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Old 11-08-2010, 09:40 PM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,305,326 times
Reputation: 16630
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Why did you get kicked out at 18? Mags, I was on my own at 16 years old. I was just fine! Lots of us were and we're here typing on our computers in our own homes. I didn't get kicked out, but left on my own. Some kids NEED to get kicked out. If they can't follow the rules, are obstinate, lazy and disobedient and disrespectful, that's the consequences of their actions. Actions........Consequences. It's that simple! This 18 year old isn't the OPs responsibility. The OP is 23 years old and is giving the 18 yo a place to stay and the 18 year old is walking all over him/her! Apparently, this 18 yo has a track record of flopping at people's houses, walking all over them and getting kicked out. Until he runs out of options, he's clearly not going to straighten up. Maybe he never will...that's HIS choice. You can't save someone who doesn't want or "need" saving! He's a user....period!
Quite frankly, it would have to be something BIG for me to kick my child out in the streets. To make my child homeless.

I drank. Mind you, my father was an alcoholic and set the trend by allowing me to drink at home, but then changed the rules when it fit his mood.

My mother tried to stop him from kicking me out, but it didn't work. Finally, she was able to get me back home about a year later. But it still messed up my life for a good 5-7 years after.

I didn't learn anything to be honest. Except that sometimes parents suck. That they are hypocritical. I didn't learn a darned thing about "real life".
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