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Old 11-09-2010, 08:16 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,795,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pandorafan5687 View Post
To those saying, you can't just kick them out, well what do you suggest? When the child is just hard headed, is a wanna-be thug who thinks the world owes them everything on a silver platter? Sometimes tough love is the only thing that you have left. It's meant to be temporary and to be a reality check. I'm 23, and I'm trying to get this little hard headed teeange boy on the right track, but he's one of those who just does what he wants, and he's been put out again and again by just about everyone he's stayed with. I'm about to just drop his little ass to a homeless shelter or just let him go back to jail.
Adulthood is reached at age 18 so once someone is 18 and no longer in high school, they are adult roommates that you can decide if you want to keep having as roommates. If you are the homeowner, then you can set the rules for the home, but no matter what, you are not required to live with people who aren't compatible in lifestyle.

There is no reason for somone over age 18 to act like a rebellious little child, if they don't like the rules of the home, then they can go make their own. That means getting a job, paying bills and being a real adult.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,673,104 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
That's for sure. The past wasn't a glory, kids of age 18 were willing to take busboy jobs, eat ramen noodles and beans, make do with a few garage sale items and get an apartment with roommates.

Now they will leave home but only if they have a couple of credit cards, wide screen LCD television, 2 or 3 game players and all the games they can play, cell phones with unlimited calls and text messaging.
You're absolutely right malamute! There's the difference right there! These youngsters are willing to work "menial" jobs to get started. There are STILL menial jobs out there, but there are few youngsters who are willing to work a couple of jobs at a time.(it would cut into their free time). They have to have their video games/tvs/computer/unlimited phone plans and be able to eat out, each and every day....don't forget those $3 energy drinks and Starbuck's (or equivalent) coffee at $4 a pop!! It's absolutely unreasonable you know, to make sacrifices. How CAN they live on minimum wage? LOL You work extra shifts, get 2 jobs, drink water (out of bottles you refill), and make sandwiches, eat top ramen and SAVE everything extra! Your posts are great! They're the truth and should be read and taken to heart. Is it tough, starting out? Well yeah! It should be a learning time. It's what makes you strong, teaches you important life lessons, teaches you to really appreciate better times....gives you the feeling of elation......I'M DOING IT ON MY OWN!!
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:11 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,369,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
The OP's friend's daughter is 20 years old now. Hopefully the parents have resolved this issue in the past two years since the OP posted. You responded to a 2-year-old post that someone else necrotized.
Meh. I don't pay attention to dates on posts and it's not as if other people don't have the same issue.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:12 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,369,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
That's for sure. The past wasn't a glory, kids of age 18 were willing to take busboy jobs, eat ramen noodles and beans, make do with a few garage sale items and get an apartment with roommates.

Now they will leave home but only if they have a couple of credit cards, wide screen LCD television, 2 or 3 game players and all the games they can play, cell phones with unlimited calls and text messaging.
Please, please, please don't fall into that trap. I go to school with kids that are 10-15 years younger than me. Most of them are hardworking kids who have their own apartments. They are certainly NOT spoiled.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,673,104 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Believing doesn't make it true. Sorry, but I believe there is a skoshe of luck in everyone's life - good or bad.
Mags....I believe that too...but mostly, I believe that you have the ability to "make" your own luck. Listen, I left home really young, I did. But I worked myself up an excellent job reference base, but being an excellent and reliable worker. I made mistakes and used poor judgement at times....had some bad things happen to me, but learned from those things. I did NOT blame my parents for "making it unbearable" to live at home. I could have sucked it up and stayed, but I chose to get out. Therefore, I made the choice to work all the time to make it. Who knows, maybe knowing that I COULD fall back on my folks IF I absolutely had to (pridewise, I couldn't! LOL).....but in the back of my mind, I knew they were waiting for me to call, so they could rescue me!

My father HATED the way I was living...wanted more for me, didn't want me working so many long hours at multiple jobs, but it's what I "needed" to do, just to prove that I could. It was a challenge....and I love a good challenge. Unfortuantely, you're right, there are a whole lot of people out there who can't STAND a challenge. If it's tough, they quit. Me? Yeah, I was raised in a time where "When the going get tough, the tough get going" meant something . "Going" did not mean "getting out of Dodge".
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:30 AM
 
Location: West Cobb County, GA (Atlanta metro)
9,188 posts, read 31,321,260 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
The OP's friend's daughter is 20 years old now. Hopefully the parents have resolved this issue in the past two years since the OP posted.
http://bestsmileys.com/signs14/20.gif (broken link)

SUGGESTION:

I would suggest that since the topic is indeed 2+ years old as Anon has pointed out, but the general idea of the topic is still one that people are faced with, that folks focus their comments now on at what stage it's ok for folks to ask their kids or move out, or even at what stage the kids are given the ultimatum of, "contribute or move". How about that? And please - keep the discussion mature and civil.

So I'll add to the new viewpoint:

I'm proud to say that at the age of 18, I moved 500 miles away from home to attend college, and I completely self-supported myself during the two years I was in school. I never moved back home, and never asked my parents for money. Yes, I had to share a 2BR apartment with THREE roommates at the time, and yes, I basically lived off of Ramen Noodles and boxes of Mac 'N Cheese during that period, but I did it.

Had I chose to stay at home for a while, I would have been expected to contribute via at least a part time job, to the household expenses. My parent's formula wasn't a set dollar amount. My Brother and Sisters who did stay around a while were expected to contribute 20% of whatever their paychecks were from their jobs at the time, to the household. So if my Brother made $500 a month, he had to pitch in $100 of that per month to the family pool. If they only made $250, then they had to put in $50 - etc. That way, they still had the ability to save to move out, but were adding the same amount (percentage wise) to the household. They were expected to be "out" by the age of 23 regardless, but they all moved out on their own by then and never had to be kicked out.

If a parent/step-parent should decide to "force" a kid at the age of 18 to leave the house, and it's NOT because of the kid being a jackass (drugs, slacking, etc), then I offer this to the kids: Get a job, and get roommates. 1,2, or even 3 roommates if you have to. Yep, no more eating out for a while. Carpool. Work two jobs if needed. You'll make it. You can make up for it decades later when you are picking out the "home" you're going to leave that parent(s) that kicked you out in, once they retire.

Last edited by atlantagreg30127; 11-09-2010 at 10:30 AM..
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:36 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,795,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Please, please, please don't fall into that trap. I go to school with kids that are 10-15 years younger than me. Most of them are hardworking kids who have their own apartments. They are certainly NOT spoiled.
But that right there proves they can still do all that today. They may have to give up some $8 lunches and $100 nights in the clubs, rent movies instead of paying $10 to see them. They might not be the kids going down to Cancun for a drunken vacation. There are hardworking young adults making it.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:53 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,369,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
But that right there proves they can still do all that today. They may have to give up some $8 lunches and $100 nights in the clubs, rent movies instead of paying $10 to see them. They might not be the kids going down to Cancun for a drunken vacation. There are hardworking young adults making it.
Sure. But how does one get a job without an address? You can't just kick someone (of any age) out on the streets and expect them to get a job, apartment, pay for food, etc in short order.

Desperate people do desperate things. I wouldn't want that for my kids. There are better ways than to toss them into the street.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,673,104 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Sure. But how does one get a job without an address? You can't just kick someone (of any age) out on the streets and expect them to get a job, apartment, pay for food, etc in short order.

Desperate people do desperate things. I wouldn't want that for my kids. There are better ways than to toss them into the street.
You give them someone elses address? A friend's address? If you're working in the same town as your parents, you give them their address! One of my explorations at 18 was to head to the other side of the mountains....I was living in my car. I met a couple of kids over there and asked if I could use their address for my job application....they said, "Sure!" Problem solved! LOL The thing is, even back then, many 18 yo were not reliable, therefore, I only needed one job at that time. I had plenty of "fill in" shifts available for me. In no time flat, I had a huge paycheck coming and had my own place!
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Old 11-09-2010, 10:02 AM
 
28,180 posts, read 22,369,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
You give them someone elses address? A friend's address? If you're working in the same town as your parents, you give them their address! One of my explorations at 18 was to head to the other side of the mountains....I was living in my car. I met a couple of kids over there and asked if I could use their address for my job application....they said, "Sure!" Problem solved! LOL The thing is, even back then, many 18 yo were not reliable, therefore, I only needed one job at that time. I had plenty of "fill in" shifts available for me. In no time flat, I had a huge paycheck coming and had my own place!
Where do you shower? What if your parents won't allow you to use their address? Where do you sleep?

How do you save $900 for rent/security plus all the deposits for utility turn on fees while living out of your car? How do you pay for food? How do you cook that food? How do you wash your clothes? Where do you keep them?
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