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I have a friend whose daughter is refusing to follow the rules of the house. Kids these days think they know it all! What is the legal way to kick her out in FL?
At 18, she is a legal adult. I know it is a difficult thing to do - parents never think the baby they raised and loved so dearly will end up with so many struggles, but it happens.
Tough love is just that - tough. If she refuses to follow the rules, then let her go. Put her things on the porch and change the locks. I would add one thing - a note. This 'child' needs to understand what is going on and that if she is willing to play by house rules - she can come home (I assume that would be the case). This gives her an opportunity to think about her actions while she is out. I would also put some money in an envelope alomg with the note to give her a head start. No more than $100.00, just enough to eat for a few days and get herself somewhere. Hopefully, that will be back in the house with a true change of heart.
The only thing that scares me is where she may end up. This is such a delicate situation, she may get farther into trouble if she is somehow not monitored from afar. Falling deeper into the wrong crowd or getting into horrible trouble is possible, but it is a chance one has to take.
I do believe from the way it sounds, making her go is probably the best thing which can be done. So many teens complain about what they do no thave, but truly have no idea what the real world is all about. This will force her to get herslf together - one way or the other. My oldest son decided to move out when he was 19. I was separated from his step-father at the time, he refused to come with me and his brother, although I begged him and created a home for the three of us, but he wouldn't budge, He moved out without my knowledge, moved in with a girl who he barely knew (she is now his wife and they are expecting my first grandchild), but this was probably the best thing that could have happened. As much as I tried, he always felt like he was owed something even though he had everything. After moving out and finding out paying bills and keeping house along with working his butt off was no picnic, his attitude changed dramatically and now I have my son back.
Pray, pray, pray, take a deep breath and do it. Just the action of putting her on the porch without a key may be a catalyst for change. I pray that is the case.
Tough love? What happened to family commitment? When did it become ok to send your own 18 year old daughter out into the streets? And why in gods name would this seem even remotely like a good idea?
It sounds like there is a power struggle? An uncooperative 18 year old daughter who refuses to abide by household rules. So the parents determine that the path to 'winning' is to unload the unrepentant child into homelessness. Tough love my a$s, this is abandonment and worse, pushing a young foolish girl into a very dangerous and precarious predicament. And if this ensues--who is the winner??? What is victory worth when your child is out homeless on the street?
That is just stupid contemporary psychobabble. You don't abandon family members like that, much less your own children. Family is the foundation of culture and country and civilization. Just because there is a belligerent child in the home is no excuse for that kind of inhumanity and abandonment. Especially for a young vulnerable girl.
I don't know what the fix is, but I DO KNOW that throwing family members out the door benefits none of the players here. Perhaps there is some kind of family counseling or remediation that can be found. Perhaps the parents can stifle their frustration for a time while this girl finishes growing up.
I utterly and completely repudiate the nonsense social babble of *tough love*. We need to take care of our own. Even when they are despicable and difficult. When they are old and infirm. When they are tiny infants and unbearably irritating. Responsible adults respond to crisis with reason and caring and thought and purpose. They don't just get fed up and throw their kids out of the house.
I would not just kick them out without any plan. Where would they live? Would you want her on the streets to be raped or worse? If she has no income, what will she do? Turn to prostitution or become a stripper? There are many things to think of before kicking them out. Help her figure out a plan. If she gets an apt. she will need a roommate. If she stays home she needs to follow the rules, have a job and pay rent or be a full time student. These are my rules and I still have 1 adult child still at home. He had an apt. with a roomate 3 years ago, they lived there for 1.5 years and the roommate lost his job and moved back home. My son could not afford the place by himself and could not find another roommate so he came back home. Sometimes I get frustrated, but I hardly know he's here most of the time. He works second shift so I am usually gone when he leaves for work and most of the time I am sleeping when he gets home. He pays us $300.00 a month. I told him he can not live for free. Period. Now he plans on starting school in the spring so I do not know when he will ever move out. I keep suggesting to find a roommate. The only problem we have is , he using one of the bedrooms that one of my other kids would like to have. Its time for my younger boys to get there own room soon and the older one is in there. So my other son keeps telling my adult son to move out.
I would not just kick them out without any plan. Where would they live? Would you want her on the streets to be raped or worse? If she has no income, what will she do? Turn to prostitution or become a stripper? There are many things to think of before kicking them out. Help her figure out a plan.
I think you're right about part of this, but she's the one who should make the plan. If you make it for her, or encourage things she doesn't want to accept, she will be back home at the first sign of struggle.
With her making her own plan (and DEMAND she do so), she has to take responsibility of carrying it out. She wouldn't be so likely to come back because she would want to prove herself to you. After all, it's HER plan.
So, give her about two weeks to come up with it, or you come up with consequences.
My wife and I raised 6 kids.
When my oldest son was almost 18 he got to thinking he didn't have to live by the house rules and he didn't like the discipline.
He wanted to "get outa here" and live a more exiting life.
One night he went too far and I kicked him out and put all his personal belongings on the sidewalk.
A couple weeks later he ask if he could come back home.
I said this is always your home as long as you respect it as such and act responsible and have some respect for your family and our family values.
A few months later he joined the Air Force.
When he came home from basic he told me that getting tough with him was the best thing I ever did. He said it made him realize that he was reponsible for his own actions and that life wasn't just a party.
Now he is 31 yrs old and has a good job at a local hospital repairing hospital equipment and makes good money.
He has a wife and two kids and they bought a nice house 3 years ago.
Two days ago we had a birthday party for his 4 yr old daughter at his house. ( My adorable grandaughter)
He is still in the Air Force active reserve.
The way he takes care of his family, the way he has taken lifes challenges and served our country, the way his life has turned out and the way he has become a responsible adult makes me real proud.
He might have turned out this way whether or not I showed tough love way back when.
But according to him it was a wake up call that got his attention as to what was important in life and what he needed to do to set his life on a different and better course.
When he was 18 he hated me.
Now we are as close as a father and son can be. We do things together and enjoy the time we spend doing those things.
I've always believed you have to a parent first.
The friendship will come later if you do your job as a parent.
At least in my case it has worked out that way
I'm so glad it did.
I love all my kids. They are all doing well and have made me proud to be their Dad.
Two are in the Military or active reserve.
One is a school teacher.
One is still in college.
The 2 oldest daughters have kids and families of their own.
It isn't like we had a lot of money. I worked all my life on an hourly wage. There was no silver spoon.
My kids got to where they are by hard work, and mostly doing it on their own because we taught them to not give up.
I hope it had something to do with discipline and encouragement and example.
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Sometimes I get frustrated, but I hardly know he's here most of the time. He works second shift so I am usually gone when he leaves for work and most of the time I am sleeping when he gets home. He pays us $300.00 a month. I told him he can not live for free. Period. Now he plans on starting school in the spring so I do not know when he will ever move out. I keep suggesting to find a roommate. The only problem we have is , he using one of the bedrooms that one of my other kids would like to have. Its time for my younger boys to get there own room soon and the older one is in there. So my other son keeps telling my adult son to move out.
