Did we handle it right (method, punishment, allowance, games)
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Hi there
Last weekend we were away at our vacation home and brought our two boys with us ; they are 8 & 9. They went to the game room which they have been lots of times and while most of the games were free, of course they stuck to a claw game and sank $40 into it. I didnt know they had money with them until later. The oldest had got 4 stuffed bears and after running out of his money, he asked his brother for his and of course lost all the money in the stupid game.
I found out about it at 6pm and was raging. I sent them both to bed, and then we decided that he had to pay back his brother the $24, also he gets no snack money for school, we bank all his birthday money (birthday is in dec). He gets $4 per week for pocket money so we think it is fair that he saves $1 and then has to account for the rest. As a punishment for the younger child he got to go to bed and also we didnt go to a movie the next night like we were supposed to do.
Hi there
Last weekend we were away at our vacation home and brought our two boys with us ; they are 8 & 9. They went to the game room which they have been lots of times and while most of the games were free, of course they stuck to a claw game and sank $40 into it. I didnt know they had money with them until later. The oldest had got 4 stuffed bears and after running out of his money, he asked his brother for his and of course lost all the money in the stupid game.
I found out about it at 6pm and was raging. I sent them both to bed, and then we decided that he had to pay back his brother the $24, also he gets no snack money for school, we bank all his birthday money (birthday is in dec). He gets $4 per week for pocket money so we think it is fair that he saves $1 and then has to account for the rest. As a punishment for the younger child he got to go to bed and also we didnt go to a movie the next night like we were supposed to do.
I hope he learned his lesson.
d
What was the lesson? What had they done that you had previously told them not to do?
I admit I am confused too? Are you upset that the younger brother lent the older brother money? If that is what you are upset about, why punish them both? And you should have the older brother do the younger brother's chores till he has done $24 worth.
They know I hate those kind of machines and have always told them they are a waste of money. I am upset that he once he started playing it, he admitted he couldnt stop. Yes, I am upset that the younger one who is normally a spend thrift loaned his older brother the money ; he can say NO often enough to him.
The lesson I hope that they learned was that its a waste of money and not to do it again. I also hope they learned how quick money can disappear.
d
I would think that the lesson would be inherent in what happened - in other words they got probably 10 minutes worth of entertainment, some cheap toys, and lost a lot of $$. A more natural consequence would be that they now cannot buy what they usually do with their $$. "Oh, you want that toy, bummer that you blew all that $$ on the silly game where no one wins anything....."
I would think that the lesson would be inherent in what happened - in other words they got probably 10 minutes worth of entertainment, some cheap toys, and lost a lot of $$. A more natural consequence would be that they now cannot buy what they usually do with their $$. "Oh, you want that toy, bummer that you blew all that $$ on the silly game where no one wins anything....."
I totally agree. I don't see the point in making them go to bed and pay back the money etc if it was their money to give freely. It's just a lesson in how if you waste your money on stupid junk like this you won't have any later to get what you want. If it wasn't their money to give freely, then I think that's a different issue.
Don't torment yourself by second guessing yourself too much. None of us are perfect and handle things 100% correctly all of the time. We all probably overreact and underreact at times. It's just the way it goes. Just hope that it evens out in the end. And, honestly, I would have been angry if my kids blew $40 on a stupid game, too.
I don't know how you handle the allowance, but when our kid hit 4th grade we gave him his lunch/snack/allowance money for the week and it was his responsibility to make sure he was able to have enough money to pay for school lunch for the week. If he did not have enough money to pay for luch on Fri., he would have to make his PB&J sandwich and paperbag it to school.
Obviously you'll have to supervise to make sure he has lunch, but my boy enjoyed having the responsibility and freedom to do what he wanted with his money. There were times where he actually lost the money and there were tears because he didn't want to make his own lunch, but imo it was part of the learning process. There were also times when the allowance was cut back because he didn't do his chores and of course I had to bite my tongue when he spent money on foolishness, but he was told it was his money that he earned so he could do what he wanted with it. Today the kid is 22 and has managed his money fairly well; he purchased a house, and then sold it for a profit, and has a bank account that makes me proud.
Like I said you will need to assist him in the begining. Provide a plan suggesting he store his lunch money in a drawer seprately from his spending money, suggest he not take all his money to school because it may get lost/stolen, ask how much money he has left for lunch each day, and let him make mistakes, (it's how they learn). It helps to be flexable every so often, like when he loses money offer to pay him a small amount for extra work around the house, (mine raked pine needles out the yard). I'm not sure the 8 yr. old is ready for this method, but your 9 yr. old may be. Best wishes with the boys, I'll bet you have your hands full
as someone stated above, I would use natural consequences - you want to buy a snack or toy - too bad you spent your money already.... bummer you can't go to that movie with your friend from school... you spent your money Use natural consequences when ever you can to teach them - reality is what it is!
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