Frequent moves and how it affects children (average, pregnant, single parent)

[bcraig066]

it's unhealthy for children, having negative effects that last into adulthood. problems in school. PTSD can be triggered by a move. drops in academic performance and have lower classroom participation. They tend to have more behavioral issues. A 2008 study in the "Journal of Child Development." do a search on frequent moving affect on children. know your facts and what you can do about it. and there are stuff you can do to make it better for the children like camps, sports, clubs,and so on. dont ask other ppl. do your home work. google is ur friend.

[syracusa]

If you can, avoid moving children at any cost.

The superficial benefits such as supposed "adaptability, flexibility, worldliness, ease of making new friends" etc. are not worth the deeper negative psychological effects.

The ability to build deep, long-term relationships is 100 more important than being able to butterfly your way through life.

But then again, people who grew up being moved around wouldn't know.

[maciesmom]

Originally Posted by syracusa

If you can, avoid moving children at any cost.

The superficial benefits such as supposed "adaptability, flexibility, worldliness, ease of making new friends" etc. are not worth the deeper negative psychological effects.

The ability to build deep, long-term relationships is 100 more important than being able to butterfly your way through life.

But then again, people who grew up being moved around wouldn't know.

Not true. Many people who grew up being moved are accutely aware of what they missed. This is an old thread but if I recall correctly, several posters stated that. Posters who did indeed move. And, to be honest, some people do fine with moving and do sustain deep, long-term relationships. I moved many times as a child. I made the conscious choice not to do that to my kids...and I also know people who grew up with that and really liked it and are well-adjusted adults in committed relationships.

[JennyMominRI]

I moved quite a bit as a child. RI, NH. MA, WVA. I don't think we ever stayed in one place for more than 4 years. Personally, I liked it. I like change. I get bored. I need new places. AS soon as I could I joined the military in part so I could see more places. IN the military I was in NC,VA and CA. I married in Ca and had my kids there.
WE lived in the same house in San Diego for 10 years before moving here to RI in 2004. WE rented because we planned to buy a house a year or so later. I then decided I didn't want my kids to switch schools again and so we would have had to buy in one section of one city. Now it's time to move again. We are Florida bound. The only kid going with me is my 16 YO and he is very excited. I'm sure we will love Fla for about 8 years and then want to move again.
I really think it's a personality thing. I love moving. Others don't like it at all.

[Ringo1]

I think that some folks and some children are just have a wandering spirit. I strongly disagree that moving is going to ruin a child's life. Depends on where you move FROM and where you move TO and whether or not your child is adaptable and on board.

I never wanted to stay in the same town my whole life ~ it just wasn't one of my desires. Obviously it wasn't one of my son's either; he was ready to move to a bigger city.

I spent my elementary and middle school years in a very tiny, southern town. I definitely wasn't destined to stay there and am so glad we eventually moved.

I do know people who would rather be homeless than leave their hometown. I wasn't one of them.

[jasper12]

It depends on the child, and the parents. Some children can adapt to moving more easily then others.

I have moved more than most, due to my divorce, and my career. My daughter was more unhappy because her Father painted me as a horrible Mother, moving her to "ghettos", she lived in Montana, we moved to Vegas, then Miami, her Father painted both of these places as dangerous places, where she would be in peril of getting raped by minorities if she left the house. So, she went back to Montana--where she would be "safe".

So, if you have some wonderful dysfunctional family dynamics, like I have...
Not so good.

[beachmel]

Pammy, this is an up-in-the-air kind of situation. I have known people who moved frequently when they were young who were outgoing, had no trouble making new friends, were secure and happy individuals and were "better" for the experience. On the other hand, I have met folks who were deeply scarred from that life...insecure, trouble developing lasting relationships, trouble sticking with jobs, because of relationship and insecurity issues, etc.

Another thing I've seen happen to teens in situations like this is repeatedly getting in with the "wrong" crowd of kids....especially the drinkers and pot smokers. Being unable to form long-time friendships, some of these kids start into a new school and the most friendly and approachable kids are the ones who are the "potheads". Therefore, the kids were right back into the "wrong" crowd.

[Taboo2]

Originally Posted by JennyMominRI

I moved quite a bit as a child. RI, NH. MA, WVA. I don't think we ever stayed in one place for more than 4 years. Personally, I liked it. I like change. I get bored. I need new places. AS soon as I could I joined the military in part so I could see more places. IN the military I was in NC,VA and CA. I married in Ca and had my kids there.
WE lived in the same house in San Diego for 10 years before moving here to RI in 2004. WE rented because we planned to buy a house a year or so later. I then decided I didn't want my kids to switch schools again and so we would have had to buy in one section of one city. Now it's time to move again. We are Florida bound. The only kid going with me is my 16 YO and he is very excited. I'm sure we will love Fla for about 8 years and then want to move again.
I really think it's a personality thing. I love moving. Others don't like it at all.

Just because you liked growing up while moving around does not mean it's healthy. Growing up surrounded by chaos leads children to require chaotic adult lives, whether it be natural or they cause it. Moving is unavoidable in some situations but be aware there is damage being done if it occurs to often.

[CornbreadUSMC]

I know this is my first post since I have joined; I have been sitting here reading multiple posts for the past couple of years before I decided to join. This subject is very near to my family and me in various ways.

My mother and father moved a lot when I was growing up, to be honest I never stayed in any school for more than 3 years from the day I started kinder garden till I graduated high school. We lived in large cities to small country communities of less than 8,000 people. Here is my personal 2 cents and a view that my sister and I had last month on this very subject.

1. Of course most people with a negative point of view are ones who never have been in this situation, I was informed by different adults while going to college and how this is such a bad thing for the kids and families and will result in horrible experiences in their adult life. Well I would take it all in and the first question I would pose is “Have you lived this situation first hand" If so I will take your criticism but if not please go to the back of the line!

2. My sister point of view is the same as the above mentioned and I take her point of view very seriously since my job has me moving throughout the world and sometimes my family travels with me and other I travel back and forth; "no I am not in the military any longer so the living conditions in most places I go are way better than those when I was with the military".

My sister tells me that she thinks it is very hard on kids moving and they don't get to make those lifelong friends. How dramatic it is on the kids to move and go from school to school, and start new relationships. I totally understand her point of view and will explain more below.

3. I am the total opposite of my sister, I am 4 years older and we both have similar experiences with moving all the time. I believe that moving can be very hard not only on the kids but the family as a whole. My wife has had to move our household and child by herself more than 3 times to include two cross country moves. She is a rock and I think her every day for being my wife!! With this said we make sure my son knows that we might be moving and we sit and have meetings and talk with him and get his point of view. We have done this since he was three years old, you'd be surprised at what a child comes up with and they do express their feelings not as much in earlier stages but they know how to express their point of views a lot more the older they get, " trust me we just had this conversation with my son who is now 12 this past month, my wife and I talk at how different he is thinking now in this stage of his life". Of course I have not heard of any child that wants to move but I believe the best way to do this is to include the kids in as much of the family as possible. My parents did this to a degree for me and my little sister; start to prepare the kids early. Look around we didn't have the internet when we were younger, now everyone can look up what there is to do in the new town that you are moving to, find out as much information as possible about moving and have a good outlook as the adult " this includes both parents" yes we know as adults there will be times that stink but keep a positive spin on life and make sure your child see this". I also inform my child of the bad to some things as well, so he sees how life is, I hear from different people how we should be so good to the kids, give them as much as possible, and not push them into anything extra. The reason I say this is from a so called educational side of the house with conversations I have multiple times with my sister who has her PHD and her friends in the same realm. Their job is to help out the kids and talk with them about how to better themselves, also they go around the country to speak at various events within the University system and state sponsored events within the Social Science departments.

4. The one question I pose to my sister and her colleagues is this, why are they so demanding to tell everyone how bad certain things in life are for the kids " be it moving, putting kids in sports etc." rather than trying to help the adults if those kids become more productive parents with better parenting skills.

My biggest argument to these people about moving and other activities is very basic, if the parents are not involving the child and trying to get them to be a part of the family; then they have put the child on the outside and make them feel left out. Also the biggest thing to remember is this and I think this is the hardest for anyone to realize is that every person child or adult is different and no matter what will perceive things differently than everyone else this is what can make us a better society. The biggest problem is that society is waiting for all the doctors and or so called experts to give them the answer and then we follow it blindly and think this is how it should be. I teach my child a couple of major things and try to show examples either good or bad. This is to include a family member if they do the wrong thing as well. I tell my child that he will either decide to become successful or want to better himself no matter what the situation, or he can sit back and wait for a hand out and someone to tell him that it will be ok and see if they will help him out and he will depend on this type of behavior. My father used to get upset when I had this very black and white type of example " either people will be successful and keep fighting till they are or they will try and fight a little then they will give up since that is much easier. Either you want to be that person with a good education and fight to get a better job and move up within that industry or you will be the person mopping the floors or doing the basic job talking how bad your management is and gossip about how they are doing their job etc. Guess who at the end of the day is making more money, guess who is making a better living for their family, guess who will have the better opportunities for their family, at the end of the day I need that person to be a garbage person or a janitor. And like I tell my child and other kids when I go out to schools to speak, the more kids who don't want to succeed or even try, this is a better opportunity for you in the future. Remember those laughing at you now for trying to better yourself for getting an education or a trade will be the ones asking for your help in the future since they didn't want to put out the hard work.

I know this went way of subject I am just very embarrassed to read a lot of post here about moving or something as meager of a subject. I was also told while growing up either I will be digging ditches or I will be the guy in charge of those digging the ditches I decide. I did and I am one who is in charge of those digging the ditches so to speak. I fought to better myself and no my parents did not pay a dime of my schooling or living. I have been married to the same woman for going on 20yrs. this year. Guess what that has been a job and yes we both have had to fight to keep together marriage; to be very honest my whole life with my wife this includes the hard times and good times I would not trade for anything. This is what has made us stronger and be able to tackle what comes next. Just remember no matter how we raise our kids and how you act, your child has their own mind and you need to guide them but if they are not guided properly it will always be harder on them. And even the best parents that guide their child, that child might turn out like we all hoped because they have their own mind and if you want to make yourself better you can; if you need all kinds of friends or family around for whatever reason and then you don't succeed look at their excuse it's always well no one gave me a chance; when that person should have went out and fought for that chance even if it means moving to the other side of the world. People complain and the only true people to succeed are the one who take chances!!!

[no kudzu]

I've sent you a DM about your post and hope you can fix some technical things which made it so difficult to read.

I grew up as an Army brat and it was miserable. At that time we moved every 2 years all over the world. My parents had a miserable marriage and I'm sure all the frequent moves contributed to that. I had to be introduced to my cousins at my grandparents funeral. Not good.

Consequently DH and I decided to be as stable as possible. Even moving from one house to another in the same community was carefully considered. We made a significant move when our girls were first graders and it was the best for everybody involved. Giving a child stability in a family and a community is right up there at the top of the list of parental responsibilities.