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Another thread got me to thinking about this and I wonder - how do you handle presents for grown children with spouses and fiancee's?
My oldest is expecting his first child this year, and we thought about doing baby stuff as some gifts (the stroller they want is $200.00), with gift cards and/or a few gifts for mom and dad, too. Last year we gave 'couple' gifts, with a few 'self' presents thrown in.
My DIL to be has been easy until now, and I am faced with the same dilemma as they are planning and collecting for their new life together.
What do you do? What is appropriate? Are gift cards just too impersonal?
As to the baby stuff...are they also going to have a baby shower? I remember when I was expecting and I got baby gifts for Christmas and while I was thankful to get them, I pouted a wee bit. Just a thought.
Last year since my son was deployed during Kali's 1st Christmas, we bought them a joint gift of a camcorder to relay the memories!
This year due to distance we're doing the gift card thing....not my favorite thing to do but it works.
I remember when I was expecting and I got baby gifts for Christmas and while I was thankful to get them, I pouted a wee bit.
My former SIL did this, in the extreme. I bought her and my brother over $300 worth of baby stuff for Christmas (still sent a big box for the baby shower that I spent more than $50 on 2 weeks later) and they cut off contact with me for years (and didn't send me a baby announcement) because I had been "insensitive" in not getting them anything.
Ummm... when you become a parent (even "to be") it stops being about YOU.
Seeing as they had NOTHING for the baby, she was due in 6 weeks, and they were broke and living with another sister, I thought I was being nice. I learned my lesson though.
"Cut off contact"?! A relationship so tenuous it can be broken by not getting a present for xmas? Screw these ungrateful big babies. Are you sure they are adults?
Grown children (who are real grown-ups) don't expect presents from anyone, but delight in any thoughtful gesture made by their parents, inlaws, friends, etc. To me, it does not have to be expensive. Just thoughtful.
I remember when I was expecting and I got baby gifts for Christmas and while I was thankful to get them, I pouted a wee bit.
My former SIL did this, in the extreme. I bought her and my brother over $300 worth of baby stuff for Christmas (still sent a big box for the baby shower that I spent more than $50 on 2 weeks later) and they cut off contact with me for years (and didn't send me a baby announcement) because I had been "insensitive" in not getting them anything.
Ummm... when you become a parent (even "to be") it stops being about YOU.
Seeing as they had NOTHING for the baby, she was due in 6 weeks, and they were broke and living with another sister, I thought I was being nice. I learned my lesson though.
$25 gift cards max ever since.
I kept my pouting to myself and never let on, but made a mental note never to do it to someone else. At my DIL's shower I even made a little basket just for her. Her favorite lotions, bath salts and well pampering stuff just for her.
Now if the request has gone out that this is what they prefer then by all means go for it. Everybody's relationship is different.
To ME Christmas is for individuals and Baby showers are all about the baby.
And no...once you become a parent (or to be) you don't ever stop being you
Actually, the sskkc said it "stops being about YOU" not that you stop being you, but ABOUT you. I will have to agree with that so I'd go the middle of the road and get her a gift card from say Target that she an decide if she wants to buy something for baby or herself.
Here's a thought: what about a small, personal gift for each of them, and then one or two baby gifts? That way, the baby is being aknowledged (as well as their need for all the baby stuff), plus, they are being aknowledged as individuals. If money is an issue, I wouldn't spend any more on them than you usually do, just reduce the amount you would spend on the individual gifts to compensate for the baby gift.
Don't give gift cards!!! Not because they are impersonal but there was a report today that businesses that are closing left and right are taking your money with them through gift card sales! For people who have not redeemed their gift cards for many businesses, there is no protection for them or the money spent. I would buy a gift out right or give cash for them to buy what they want. You could do something cute like cut out pictures of baby stuff and make a small collage and stick it in a card with the cash and tell them to enjoy and buy what they like. I just would not buy the gift cards because you never know what might happen!!!
Here's a thought: what about a small, personal gift for each of them, and then one or two baby gifts? That way, the baby is being acknowledged (as well as their need for all the baby stuff), plus, they are being acknowledged as individuals. If money is an issue, I wouldn't spend any more on them than you usually do, just reduce the amount you would spend on the individual gifts to compensate for the baby gift.
Good luck!
Great advice!
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