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Confused teen miserable in California after relocation from Canada, seeking advice on moving back to Canada to live with cousin or staying in California
I was fortunate enough to have gotten to go to the same school from K-12. My wife OTOH changed schools several times. The worst was when she had to change schools moving from Chicago to rural Missouri. Not only was she moving to an area that offered less cultural enrichment but also the kids had their own little clubs and she was an outsider for just about her entire time she was there until her senior year. So I totally get what you are saying.
We have just moved recently from Fort Worth, TX to Wichita, KS. When I found out I was going to have to make a move I sat down with our 10 yr old daughter to discuss it with her. At first she was a little apprehensive about it and has displayed resistance every now and then but she seems to love her new school and has made quite a few new friends...possibly more freinds than she ever had in Fort Worth. I worried a lot about her possibly not fitting in even though I know she's a very social kid. Things change when you move and people are different in general in different areas. It may not have gone so well if we had moved when she was in HS.
I think you should call a meeting with your parents and inform them of what you consider a possibility for you (moving back to Canada with your cousin to complete school). Don't be emotional about it other than expressing how much you dislike it. Just state your case that you are already 17 and it's only 1 1/2 years till graduation. You've got no real friends in CA and you want your last bit of time in HS to be memorable....instead of a time you would rather forget about. To me your case is reasonable but your parents may not want to live without you just yet.
I moved to Maine from Connecticut when I was 17. It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me at the time, but now, almost 14 years later I can't imagine calling anywhere else home. Hang it there, you'll get used to it!
How do you know he'll get used to it? I don't think your experience anywhere compares to his. You went from Maine to Connecticut. Big deal. This poor kid just had to move to another country. He just left his whole world behind.
Awwww....I so understand. I moved right before my son turned 16. We agreed on the move but he ended up just hating the new school and then dropped out. He is now attending an online virtual school and is much happier. Please talk to your parents about this. At this time of your life, you should be enjoying it....not being miserable. See what other options you have like possibly attending a local community college who offers high school classes instead or checking out an online school.
Honey, as a mother of two 'grown' boys, 19 and 23, if you are that miserable - go back home. There must be a reason your parents brought you to California, but I understand that moving at your age is the worst thing in the world to go through.
I experienced a move in 7th grade, and was so miserable I became physically ill. Obviously, at that age, I had no choice. My father knew I was miserable and offered to move us back but I did wait it out, and it did get better. At your age, you do have friends set in stone and it is horribly difficult to blend into a new group.
If your parents are ok with you going back and your cousin is ok with you staying there - go for it. I do not believe an almost grown 'kid' needs to suck it up all the time. It can create a resentment that may never go away.
But....think about this. You mentioned finishing your 11th grade year before you go back. This is smart. You may be surprised by the end of the year and have a change of heart. Then again, you may be even more set on returning.
This is my point - keep an open mind, do all you can to make it work. Join clubs, perhaps take a part-time job in a place teens go - anything to get yourself out there and experience your new culture. By the end of the school year, you will know where you want to be.
A friend of my mother moved her son during his senior year of high school. His father had been relocated to another state when he was in third grade, so where he was was what he knew, THAT was home. When his father retired, they moved back and he was miserable. As soon as he graduated, he located friends from his 'home' and moved. His parents were not happy, but realized at that point he had to make his own way.
Keep the lines of communication open with your parents, truly put your heart into this move, and look at it as an experiment in where you want to be.
By the end of the school year you will know.
My brother did a similar thing to what you are proposing. He lived with his best friend's family his senior year in high school, because he didn't want to start all over his last year in school. We only moved a couple hours away, so we saw him regularly. But, the fact that you'll be with family may make your situation far more tolerable for your parents. While you can suck it up and deal with it if you have to, I don't see why you should do so any longer than you have to.
So, by all means, do broach the subject with your parents now. Depending on your parents, it might take some convincing. And, just so you know, I also feel your pain to a degree. I'm new to California and think I'd prefer to move back to the PNW or east coast. However, the weather sure is great!
Yes, do go back to Canada if you can. I moved around all my young life and have lived all over. It's horrible.
Canada is a better place all together to live in, for a lot of different reasons, such as health care, economy, culture and so on.
So I would say, got back and live with you cousin if you can and plan to go to college there. Build your life in Canada.
You sound like a really smart kid, and I'm sure you'll figure a way to sell your parents on the idea.
Good luck to you,
Woofers
P.S. Yes, you are right, the cultures are EXTREMELY different!
I do agree. I was really excited about coming to California. When I first found out, I was VERY upset and tried whatever I could to stay. But after a month, I became a bit excited, because I assumed I would go there, find a nice group of friends, meet just as many girls, and so on. To be honest, I don't want to disrespect people of California, as I'm sure there are MANY nice people here. The thing is, it is so divided here. Your either live in a million dollar house (basically the kids in my school), or live in a small apartment. The wealth in Canada is much more spread out.
I had to move across the country every 2 years, just before entering high school and then again just before my junior year. It absolutely sucked and I know how you feel. This is a very difficult time to move as peers already have their clicks established and aren't that welcoming to newcomers. If you decide to stay there perhaps you can join some groups to meet others, in whatever your interests are like church, soccer, choir, etc. I always played sports which helped me. You can try to be more outgoing in class and talk to other kids sitting around you. You'll be spending a lot of weekends alone, but in time I think you'll find new friends. It does take a while to establish friendship and is going to take effort. If you move it will be difficult to be with out your family, which is worse?
Being without my family would be hard, you make a good point. The way I look at it though is, I will have to leave them EVENTUALLY. Plus, moving out at this age would be a great experience. The thing is, I love my family, it's just in all honesty, who do you spend most of your time with, family or friends (at my age)? In all honesty, I would rather have the comfort of my friends at hand, and visit my family whenever I wish, then live here and be with my family (who I barely ever see), and visit my friends once or twice a year.
Last year, during my oldest son's junior year, we had to relocate out of state. In fact, fifteen hours away from his friends. He went into it with a positive attitude just like you at the beginning. I know because of attitude he adjusted well. He said at the beginning he HAD to be more outgoing than he ever was if he was going to have friends. He knew he HAD to get involved with things at school. I was more worried than he was about the move because he has always been shy and more of an introvert.
It took him a few months and before we knew it- He was a social butterfly! He has grown up so much in the last year and I know it was because of the move. He has told us how much happier he is in Ohio than he was in SC. Missing friends often times, can be hard. He left behind a girlfriend that he had been dating almost a year. He still is not "dating" anyone, but that doesn't mean he isn't friends with a ton of girls. He has remained in constant contact with his friends in SC because of Facebook and MySpace which has been wonderful.
Before you make a huge decision-give your new place a true chance.
Good luck!
I'm glad to see at least someone had a positive experience of moving at my age :P
Thing is, I'm sure Ohio is much different from California. The thing is, a lot of people in California think they are at the top of world. Why would anyone think that? I HATE living in a place like that, and I think most other people would too. The whole idea of "Hollywood", has boosted Californians egos so much, to the point where not 1 person in a school of 3000 kids can accept a new person.
I was fortunate enough to have gotten to go to the same school from K-12. My wife OTOH changed schools several times. The worst was when she had to change schools moving from Chicago to rural Missouri. Not only was she moving to an area that offered less cultural enrichment but also the kids had their own little clubs and she was an outsider for just about her entire time she was there until her senior year. So I totally get what you are saying.
We have just moved recently from Fort Worth, TX to Wichita, KS. When I found out I was going to have to make a move I sat down with our 10 yr old daughter to discuss it with her. At first she was a little apprehensive about it and has displayed resistance every now and then but she seems to love her new school and has made quite a few new friends...possibly more freinds than she ever had in Fort Worth. I worried a lot about her possibly not fitting in even though I know she's a very social kid. Things change when you move and people are different in general in different areas. It may not have gone so well if we had moved when she was in HS.
I think you should call a meeting with your parents and inform them of what you consider a possibility for you (moving back to Canada with your cousin to complete school). Don't be emotional about it other than expressing how much you dislike it. Just state your case that you are already 17 and it's only 1 1/2 years till graduation. You've got no real friends in CA and you want your last bit of time in HS to be memorable....instead of a time you would rather forget about. To me your case is reasonable but your parents may not want to live without you just yet.
I completely agree with you. Thing is, my parent's moved me here for a better "future". As much as I appreciate them caring for me, I find it kind of ridiculous the more I think of it. My future as in when I have KIDS. Who in their right mind thinks 10 years ahead of time!? If we all lived like this, life would be pointless. I could have had a great childhood/teenager hood to look at, go to university, and maybe move to the USA once I had a wife and kids. I find it so upsetting that at 16, I'm already being pressured to think of where I'm going to work in 10 years...
How do you know he'll get used to it? I don't think your experience anywhere compares to his. You went from Maine to Connecticut. Big deal. This poor kid just had to move to another country. He just left his whole world behind.
Thanks so much. I feel like you really understand what I'm going through. I left a network of friends which I can NEVER replace. And when I say never, I know it's not a good way to look at things, but this was 10 years worth of friends in High School. Everyone knows how many people you meet in High School. Everyone was like brothers and sisters to me. I got so tricked by the idea of how EXCITING California is, that I did not think for a minute how much I was leaving back. If I knew it would be like this, I would have done a lot more to try and stay back in Canada. Moving sucks!
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