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If you are a parent I would love to get some advice.
I am wondering how many people out there had a hard time deciding whether or not they wanted children?
I go back and forth but am getting older and feel like I should know for sure what I want.
I don't want to have regrets later in life that I didn't but at the same time this is a HUGE decision.
So am I crazy to be going through this? and do you have any advice?
yes it is normal to thank that way childern is a huge responabilty to take on .i myself didnt want to have any childern in my early 20s i knew i wasnt ready and i didnt want to be un married with childern too . after i got married thats when my husband and i decided we would like to have childern in my late 20s. my husband was 33 when our oldest was born and i was 27 . i also knew other people out there who didnt have a child in tell they were in their 30s or early 40s.
You either want them or not. If you are unsure about having your own, you might want to look into foster parenting. These kids range in age from newborn-18 years old. You will get a good feel for what it's like to be a parent.
you are not crazy. i was married at 20 and was not sure i wanted kids until i was 28. i kept going back and forth and decided to be cautious until i was perfectly sure that i wanted a baby. one day i recieved baby pictures of my brand new nephew at the time. he was about 3-4 months in the picture. and something just snapped inside of me. i HAD to have a baby. something about him called out to me. and so i had a boy of my own and i am so happy.
If you are a parent I would love to get some advice.
I am wondering how many people out there had a hard time deciding whether or not they wanted children?
I go back and forth but am getting older and feel like I should know for sure what I want.
I don't want to have regrets later in life that I didn't but at the same time this is a HUGE decision.
So am I crazy to be going through this? and do you have any advice?
Thank you!
I ALWAYS knew that I wanted children. I started early and it was never a question of "if" I would have them, but "when".
Not everyone feels like I did though. If you DON"T want to have children, then you definitely shouldn't. If you are thinking that you do, even a little bit, you probably will regret it if you don't.
I don't actually think most people regret having kids, but I could see how some might look back and regret NOT having them. We felt that way about having a fourth child. We were very happy with 3, but wondered about whether or not we should have another. We decided that we would NEVER regret having another child, but we might regret NOT having one, so we did.
Don't over think it too much. Think about what you feel in you heart, and try not to stress about it too much.
If you are a parent I would love to get some advice.
I am wondering how many people out there had a hard time deciding whether or not they wanted children?
I go back and forth but am getting older and feel like I should know for sure what I want.
I don't want to have regrets later in life that I didn't but at the same time this is a HUGE decision.
So am I crazy to be going through this? and do you have any advice?
Thank you!
Are you married and what is your age range?
If you are married . Yes
If you don't think you could handle being a parent. No
(it's better off for the child)
What about the spouse and their wants?
You wouldn't want to be selfish would you?
I hope that you are not married then you can better make a decision
else it would not have been fair to get married knowing you felt this way
unless of course the two of you had an understanding of some sort prior
to walking down the aisle'
Just think about it and be fair to everyone involved
and i hope i didn't come across too harsh with the questions
just pointing out some very real issues without sugar-coating it
I'm on your side (smiles) (*_*)
My advice would be "don't think you're crazy, or alone"
I think I always just knew I wanted to be a wife and mother, but I didn't really have any kind of age or time in mind as far as when I wanted all that to happen. I watched a lot of Disney movies growing up, so I had that fairytale princess crap etched into my brain. I figured I'd go to college, get a job, then get married to a handsome prince, he'd swoop in and steal me away to his faraway castle, and then we'd have some kids...
But, right out of high school I met my husband... and three months later we were married - and pregnant! Four years later little brother came along, and then we knew we were done. We absolutely knew that our family was complete after our second son was born. So we have gone the permanent sterilization route so we don't have to worry about birth control or any "surprises" later on. We are really glad that we had our kids while we were so young, and are really looking forward to our very early 40's. We feel like it's going to be like we're dating again, once the kids are 18 or so and begin to leave their cozy nest for their own life adventures. We are also really glad that we had boys! I feel they are much easier than girls to raise, especially these days.
It's such a personal thing. If you have any doubts at all... I second that other persons suggestion about fostering. Giving even a temporary home to a child who needs one will help the child of course, but it would help you, too. We have often thought about fostering, but we have always moved frequently for my husbands job so it probably would not have worked out very well.
Also... I feel like if I hadn't met my husband and had everything just happen the way that it did, without us really thinking about it too much, we might not have ever had kids. Honestly. I know that sounds weird, because we love our children and now I can't imagine our lives without them... but the older we get, the more we think, and the way that my husband and I are... if we had waited until we were 25 - 30 to have children, well... we might not have wanted to make the kind of changes that you must make when you become parents. We enjoy our freedom and having extra money in the bank too much. We like sleeping. We like peace and quiet. We like clean cars and floors and we don't like clutter. Kids... well... it's a dirty life, the parenting thing. It's a good thing we had them young! It's a lot of work having children. It's just constant... We would have probably ended up just getting a dirty smelly dog or something! And you know, dogs are worse than kids. At some point you don't have to wipe your kids bottom anymore. Dogs may not leave sharp little foot-hating Lego's all over the floor, but they leave... other stuff. At least kids grow up!
I was completely ambivalent about it. I finally went to a therapist to help me decide. I stayed in therapy for nine months (power of the unconscious, I know). Then I decided that I wanted to be a mother but I worried that maybe it was too late as I was approaching 40. Luckily for me, I didn't have any difficulty getting pregnant and carrying my healthy babies to term. I have two children now and I adore them. I'm very happy that I am fortunate enough to be a mother, but I am one of those people who thinks parenting is challenging. You give up free time and a lot of disposable income and any sense that you can control everything but you get to experience something amazing and your heart expands with more love than you ever dreamed possible. For me, it was a good decision but I completely respect people who decide that parenthood isn't the life path for them.
Are you married and what is your age range?
If you are married . Yes
If you don't think you could handle being a parent. No
(it's better off for the child)
What about the spouse and their wants?
You wouldn't want to be selfish would you?
I hope that you are not married then you can better make a decision
else it would not have been fair to get married knowing you felt this way
unless of course the two of you had an understanding of some sort prior
to walking down the aisle'
Just think about it and be fair to everyone involved
and i hope i didn't come across too harsh with the questions
just pointing out some very real issues without sugar-coating it
I'm on your side (smiles) (*_*)
My advice would be "don't think you're crazy, or alone"
God Bless You
Thank you all for your responses I greatly appreciate it.
I thought I would respond to this post as it may help me as well. Are you married and what is your age range? - yes, 29 What about the spouse and their wants? - My spouse wanted children when we got married but has never brought it up since. You wouldn't want to be selfish would you? - No I would not want to be selfish but that also wouldn't be a the reason to push me in one direction or another, I think it goes way beyond that.
I just get very wrapped up in the what ifs which makes it that much harder to decide.
I was completely ambivalent about it. I finally went to a therapist to help me decide. I stayed in therapy for nine months (power of the unconscious, I know). Then I decided that I wanted to be a mother but I worried that maybe it was too late as I was approaching 40. Luckily for me, I didn't have any difficulty getting pregnant and carrying my healthy babies to term. I have two children now and I adore them. I'm very happy that I am fortunate enough to be a mother, but I am one of those people who thinks parenting is challenging. You give up free time and a lot of disposable income and any sense that you can control everything but you get to experience something amazing and your heart expands with more love than you ever dreamed possible. For me, it was a good decision but I completely respect people who decide that parenthood isn't the life path for them.
That sounds like a great idea I may have to look into the therapy thing.
I'm glad things worked out for you.
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Four years later little brother came along, and then we knew we were done. We absolutely knew that our family was complete after our second son was born. So we have gone the permanent sterilization route so we don't have to worry about birth control or any "surprises" later on. We are really glad that we had our kids while we were so young, and are really looking forward to our very early 40's. We feel like it's going to be like we're dating again, once the kids are 18 or so and begin to leave their cozy nest for their own life adventures. We are also really glad that we had boys! I feel they are much easier than girls to raise, especially these days.
