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The abuse happened in her home and she witnessed it at least 2 times and instead of helping an inocent child she chose not to go against her son. Also, when she sees us somewhere else where noone she knows is around, she ignores us. She only does this in front of others to get sympathy points.
Also, you make too many assumptions in regards to her attendence at the church, what I think is "fair" and what you consider her "pain".
There are always two sides to every story - I was just saying I could understand her pain if she didn't do anything wrong but was being denied her grandparent rights simply because her son is a bad guy.
Nevertheless, the bottom line is, you should find a new church. Like someone else said above, a restraining order only creates more drama when you have to call the police to enforce it. Just don't go to the church and your contact with grandma is no problem.
What does this MIL do to you or your daughter at church? Does she just come up and say Hi or does she threaten you or what?
If she just said hello there would be no problem. She sneaks up on her and tries to hug and kiss her. My daughter tries to get away from her, but she holds her there. This happens at Sunday School and a few other events that we tried to attend. This was also happening when my daughter was in pre-school too and the director finally had to go to our priest and have her talked to.
She also tries to introduce her to her sons other children as siblings. She tells her to come to her house. I know for a fact that those children have been taught that my daughter is their sister and that they are going to come to our home and etc. It is really sad what this woman has done to them. We do not want anything to do with them. I know that when my child gets older that she may want to have a relationship with those kids, but for now we are just trying to raise her without all the drama/trauma that comes along with those people. She went through a lot of therapy to get to where she is now, and we thought that maybe we can start including our church in our lives again, but we were wrong.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT
I am having a little problem. A few years ago my husband and I went through a step-parent adoption with my biological daughter. The whole story behind it is unfortunate and not something I want to get into other than to say there was a lot of emotional trauma for my child from the other side. Now I have been attending the same church since I was born, and now take my children to said church. My ex-MIL attends this church also...can you see where this is going? She has been told repeatedly to stay away from my daughter, but will not. We have argued at church about it and still there is no respect for our wishes, which are in the best interest for my daughter. We stopped attending church for a long time in order to avoid her and to give my daughter a chance to heal from all the 'stuff'. We recently began trying to go to church again and we are having the same problems. Does anyone know if we can get a restraining order against this lady? My daughter does not want to be bothered by her and we don't know what else to do. She was having panic attacks for a while b/c of this. My only other solution is to stop attending church and all activites involving the church again.
I can't imagine going to church anywhere else, and really there is only one other church here that is the same denomination, but unfortunately I will have the same problem there as the rest of my ex's family attends that one.
Also, for those who do not understand a step-parent adoption...it is when one of the biological parents relinquishes ALL parental rights to the child to a 'new' parent. The name is even replaced on the birth certificate like in a normal adoption. My daughter does not remember her b.father and only vaguely remembers her b.grandmother since she started being harrassed by her.
Thanks for any insight on this. My lawyer wasn't of much help.
I believe that grandparents have visitation rights in every state, so if your ex's parents were not a problem, they would have been grandfathered in, in some way, at the time of the adoption.
I believe you that the family is a problem & the details are none of my business. I do have to concur, however, that the easiest thing for your daughter is to change churches.
If you post the denomination, someone might know of another church or a denomination that is similar to yours.
I believe that grandparents have visitation rights in every state, so if your ex's parents were not a problem, they would have been grandfathered in, in some way, at the time of the adoption.
I believe you that the family is a problem & the details are none of my business. I do have to concur, however, that the easiest thing for your daughter is to change churches.
If you post the denomination, someone might know of another church or a denomination that is similar to yours.
The only other church that I won't run into them is 2 hours away. I am going to talk with the new priest this Sunday and see if maybe he can do anything.
I am sure that our old priest didn't bring him up to date on the situation.
There is one other church here in Charlotte but his siblings go there, and I know that they won't really bother her other than a hello to her (they are actually much more respectful b/c they know the situation and took my daughters side when it came out), but they will tell their Mom they saw us and she will just follow us there...it sucks.
The only other church that I won't run into them is 2 hours away. I am going to talk with the new priest this Sunday and see if maybe he can do anything.
I am sure that our old priest didn't bring him up to date on the situation.
There is one other church here in Charlotte but his siblings go there, and I know that they won't really bother her other than a hello to her (they are actually much more respectful b/c they know the situation and took my daughters side when it came out), but they will tell their Mom they saw us and she will just follow us there...it sucks.
Okay, I just have to ask...what IS this denomination with priests that is so small you can't get away from her or her family?
Thanks everyone for your insight on this. This is a situation that is difficult to understand fully unless you are in it and I respect everyones opinions and advice. Someone told me to call the non-emergency police number so I will do that in concurrence with talking to our priest too. It's a no-win situation for everyone in many different ways. It's just really frustrating to be involved.
Thanks again everyone for reading this and replying.
Okay, I just have to ask...what IS this denomination with priests that is so small you can't get away from her or her family?
We are actually a very big congregation, just limited in location. I will message you with it b/c I don't want people to think I am bad-mouthing the church.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
23,814 posts, read 34,688,469 times
Reputation: 10256
Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT
The only other church that I won't run into them is 2 hours away. I am going to talk with the new priest this Sunday and see if maybe he can do anything.
I am sure that our old priest didn't bring him up to date on the situation.
There is one other church here in Charlotte but his siblings go there, and I know that they won't really bother her other than a hello to her (they are actually much more respectful b/c they know the situation and took my daughters side when it came out), but they will tell their Mom they saw us and she will just follow us there...it sucks.
OK, 2 hours is totally unacceptable.
Here's a thought........ so simple that you would never think of it.
You said that the woman grabs your child etc. Obviously you have brought your child up to be quiet & polite, but the woman is banking on that & for you to intervene, in an attempt to make you look bad, & as you said, sympathy.
What would she do if your daughter yelled at the top of her lungs? Things like, Please leave me alone!, Please! Take your hands off me! If the woman continues to restrain her, Please! someone call the police! she's not letting me go! In other words, just exactly what you've trained her to do to a stranger.
How much sympathy is the woman going to get then? I'm betting none!
As much as you want to shield your daughter, 2 hours is too far to go for another church. Put the ball in your daughter's court & just tell her that it's OK to react as if she was being abducted by a total stranger.
My daughter actually asked me if she could do that, but I thought it was too much for her to go through. She really likes this church though as all her friends from school go here and all. I don't know. If she was older maybe. She is only 9. What does everyone else think about this?
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
23,814 posts, read 34,688,469 times
Reputation: 10256
Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT
My daughter actually asked me if she could do that, but I thought it was too much for her to go through. She really likes this church though as all her friends from school go here and all. I don't know. If she was older maybe. She is only 9. What does everyone else think about this?
Nine is absolutely old enough, since she already suggested it. If you had to push her to do it, then possibly not.
Tell her "Go for it!".
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