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Kids act this way because they are allowed. Don't give the child permission to misbehave. These problems need to be nipped in the bud now. This child will have a lot of problems later in life if you don't take care if it now. Also the new baby will be learning many of the bad habits from the so-called "spirited one." Always be consistant with him. Oh and hide the sugar from this child.
I wanted to add just one more thing. Based on what you have said about him being really smart and fitting in with the spirited label another thing to consider is that he may also be "gifted". Gifted kids can be really intense and challenging. Here's some more info for you to pass on to his Mom.
I greatly dislike "rewards and punishments" type approaches because I don't think they solve long-term problems very well. It works best for my family if we coach my son about how we do want him to behave and then give him ample opportunity to practice good behaviors. He loves role playing and benefits from it. If he responds rudely when I ask him to do something, I tell him we are going to have a "do over" and then we immediately practice a more polite response. He also has the opportunity to tell me if I've said something snappish and I will agree with him that I could have used a nicer tone and then I'll take a "do over," too. As a result, he is mostly respectful and kind and has only the occasional slip up.
He would definitely qualify as "spirited" and is very, very smart.
He doesn't get rewards every time he does something good...he just gets to enjoy being a part of our happy family.
I greatly dislike "rewards and punishments" type approaches because I don't think they solve long-term problems very well. It works best for my family if we coach my son about how we do want him to behave and then give him ample opportunity to practice good behaviors. He loves role playing and benefits from it. If he responds rudely when I ask him to do something, I tell him we are going to have a "do over" and then we immediately practice a more polite response. He also has the opportunity to tell me if I've said something snappish and I will agree with him that I could have used a nicer tone and then I'll take a "do over," too. As a result, he is mostly respectful and kind and has only the occasional slip up.
He would definitely qualify as "spirited" and is very, very smart.
He doesn't get rewards every time he does something good...he just gets to enjoy being a part of our happy family.
I do this with my dd too. I like it because I can show her a better way to respond or ask for something (without the sass) and she can practice it rather then me just telling her I don't like the way she is asking or responding and not giving her any idea on what would be more appropriate.
No story changing here, it's just hard to give ALLLL the details in one post. So, as the chance arises, I will provide more info.
I appreciate the advice & I remember adding to everyone's rep with a 'Thanks a Million' for the advice, which I genuinely mean.
Everyone word is taken into consideration. I am putting all of this together to help out a friend that I love. I am not "making excuses" for her, I just don't want to wrongly word what I am trying to explain, either.
I can fully appreciate what your friend is going through. Our son has the same issue with his mother. He will only listen to me and that makes life very difficult for everyone. He's not this way at school and all the teachers and staff love the little guy. He's bright and well-liked.
My wife has cried on numerous occassions that her son doesn't like her. He's 5, almost six and just has a little attitude at times. We've run the gamut like your friend. We are consistent with punishments and quite honestly he reminds me of myself at that age. We do give in from time to time because it's simply exhausting. I will say that I do like the sitting in the corner idea...that has worked wonders for our son more than spankings, timeouts etc. I'll be praying for you and your friend!
Kids act this way because they are allowed. Don't give the child permission to misbehave. These problems need to be nipped in the bud now. This child will have a lot of problems later in life if you don't take care if it now. Also the new baby will be learning many of the bad habits from the so-called "spirited one." Always be consistant with him. Oh and hide the sugar from this child.
Not much sugar in this kid's diet! She has even deleted out red, blue & yellow food dyes, which did seem to make somewhat of a difference.
I don't think that they 'allow' him to behave like this, he just does. Mom & dad can keep him punished all day in his room, but the second he gets to speak it's something rude. I was with them for a bit yesterday & she would tell him to stay out of the walkway of the kitchen since it was so busy at the moment. I swear, she had to tell him 3 times in a 15 minute period & finally flicked his ear & used to "deep voice" to enforce this temporary rule. I just told him he needs to mind what his mom says.
Granted, Thanksgiving is an exciting day, though not much was going on out of the ordinary at the moment, but still.
I can fully appreciate what your friend is going through. Our son has the same issue with his mother. He will only listen to me and that makes life very difficult for everyone. He's not this way at school and all the teachers and staff love the little guy. He's bright and well-liked.
My wife has cried on numerous occassions that her son doesn't like her. He's 5, almost six and just has a little attitude at times. We've run the gamut like your friend. We are consistent with punishments and quite honestly he reminds me of myself at that age. We do give in from time to time because it's simply exhausting. I will say that I do like the sitting in the corner idea...that has worked wonders for our son more than spankings, timeouts etc. I'll be praying for you and your friend!
Very nice to hear! Yeah, she trys not to give in too much & some of our other friends are like, "..he's always in trouble.. or..she is so strict, why can't he have some gum right now?" but she has to stick to her guns, yah know. And ends up being the bad guy alot of the time, with other people & well, obviously with her son.
She cries about it, saying he doesn't love her, but I know that's not true. Because sometimes when he gets in trouble with her, he will come to her for love, but sometimes she refuses at the moment.
He is well liked at school & doesn't do mean & evil things, just that mouth! And the ego he has for a 5 year old! My goodness!
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