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You've gotten off topic, but I don't know if it matters because the OP has not returned. I'd really be interested to find out how things are going with the naughty 19 year old!
I think the OP might be a troll ......... or worse, a helicopter parent
What can a parent do with a 19 year old ......... not listening to reason......... doesnt pick up his cell phone when we call........ Any suggestions???
If you are paying anything or if you have co-signed loans, tell him he has to keep a certain grade point average and he has to prove it to you every semester. How he gets there is his business.
If you are not paying anything at all, there's not much you can do. Lots of kids go hog wild in college.
Either way, stop calling him so much. Your stress level doesn't need a blow by blow (no pun intended).
I agree! This is the best result for both of you, treat him as an adult and expect adult results or don't pay. You certainly wouldn't pry into a brother or sisters private life but as the one funding the school you've a right to expect a reasonable level of achievement.
Personally, if my girls were acting like this then I'd cut them off financially and stay out of their business. I'd be more than willing to support them when they bring in the good grades and start acting respectful and responsible. If by the time they rich 23 and they are still acting like a jerks their college money is mine or I'll transfer it to a relative who'd really appreciate it.
Is it me or does some of these posts seem anti-parenting?????
Maybe it's because I'm from the slow South, but common respect SHOULD play a very important role here with the young man to his parents regardless of who is paying for college.
Not answering phone calls from parents is childish and disrespectful in any shape or form.
Even MY 19 yr old did not do that, and believe me, he did plenty other things.
When a young adult is off to college, yes he/she is going to party and do things that were forbidden before. But, cutting off the very people that will always stand behind him thru hell or high water is not showing much maturity. Say he is on scholarship for college, he is letting down the very people who provided funds for him to be able to go to college. This could interfere with future young men and women who might also want to go. IF enough students act like this young man, these monies might be cut off.
Today's society in the young adult world is very sad. Many, not all, but many feel they deserve or are owed things in life. THings that require time, sacrifice and work to obtain. When they do not get these things, they then react out, and somehow this is the parents fault? Not in my book.
I'm dealing with this at an even younger age than with my oldest. My youngest, 15 has started touting this line of baloney! What is being taught in schools, on tv and out in the world that make them think that they can do whatever, whenever with no consequenses....oh, wait....we only have to look no further than our wonderful government to show if we fail, we will get bailed out..and the list continues....raising kids in today's world is hard as hell, and the more conservative one is, the harder it is to teach....why should they take the hard road when the easy one is what everyone else is taking...why should common respect be something they should learn, or responsibility, or morales, or just living right, and learning it takes hard work to achieve something worthwhile in this world.
Dear parent, I hear ya, understand your pain, and wish I had an answer for you. Unfortunately, the deck is stacked against you with the low standards of todays world. Seems parents have lost any and all rights to their children, yet we are also the 'bad' people when these same children fail and come to moma to get bailed out and we refuse.
What is wrong with this picture.? Times, they need to change. Put some accountability back into peoples lives. IF they learn that if they do something wrong, they must suffer the consequences. If they screw up in college partyin, then they pay from then on out...if they get a girl pregnant while at college, tough luck, learn to work and go to college to support YOUR family....and while I am still on my soapbox....
I also believe being gay is wrong.....judge me all you want, the only judge I care about is Jesus Christ, and what He sees in me....
off soapbox now.
Most people here are either college aged or 20-something so they may still have some hard feelings for overprotective parents. That will change when they have children of their own.
As for today's society for young people - people need to see this is all a result of the "Trophy generation" and the "I'm special and everyone's a winner" philosophy drilled into these kids' heads from Kindergarten on. Couple that with the fact most baby boomer parents of this generation are either workaholics, slaving over their jobs and neglecting their families, or single parents. Thus, these kids have grown up getting everything they ever wanted, but lack the love, instruction, and accountability a parent should provide. If they learn accountability at an early age, it sticks with them for life.
Judge me, call me hateful, backward, and outdated, but the world was a better place when the family consisted of a father who made the money and a mother who stayed at home to take care of the children.
Wow...I paid for my own food as soon as I turned 16. I worked for my parents(shoveling snow, yard work) for room/board when I was 17. I left when I was 18 and have paid for everything since then, I am supporting myself, looking to buy a house in a year and half, paying for school, utilities, car repairs, etc...
Your son's technically an adult, pound some reality into him.
Is it me or does some of these posts seem anti-parenting?????
Maybe it's because I'm from the slow South, but common respect SHOULD play a very important role here with the young man to his parents regardless of who is paying for college.
Not answering phone calls from parents is childish and disrespectful in any shape or form.
Even MY 19 yr old did not do that, and believe me, he did plenty other things.
When a young adult is off to college, yes he/she is going to party and do things that were forbidden before. But, cutting off the very people that will always stand behind him thru hell or high water is not showing much maturity. Say he is on scholarship for college, he is letting down the very people who provided funds for him to be able to go to college. This could interfere with future young men and women who might also want to go. IF enough students act like this young man, these monies might be cut off.
Today's society in the young adult world is very sad. Many, not all, but many feel they deserve or are owed things in life. THings that require time, sacrifice and work to obtain. When they do not get these things, they then react out, and somehow this is the parents fault? Not in my book.
I'm dealing with this at an even younger age than with my oldest. My youngest, 15 has started touting this line of baloney! What is being taught in schools, on tv and out in the world that make them think that they can do whatever, whenever with no consequenses....oh, wait....we only have to look no further than our wonderful government to show if we fail, we will get bailed out..and the list continues....raising kids in today's world is hard as hell, and the more conservative one is, the harder it is to teach....why should they take the hard road when the easy one is what everyone else is taking...why should common respect be something they should learn, or responsibility, or morales, or just living right, and learning it takes hard work to achieve something worthwhile in this world.
Dear parent, I hear ya, understand your pain, and wish I had an answer for you. Unfortunately, the deck is stacked against you with the low standards of todays world. Seems parents have lost any and all rights to their children, yet we are also the 'bad' people when these same children fail and come to moma to get bailed out and we refuse.
What is wrong with this picture.? Times, they need to change. Put some accountability back into peoples lives. IF they learn that if they do something wrong, they must suffer the consequences. If they screw up in college partyin, then they pay from then on out...if they get a girl pregnant while at college, tough luck, learn to work and go to college to support YOUR family....and while I am still on my soapbox....
I also believe being gay is wrong.....judge me all you want, the only judge I care about is Jesus Christ, and what He sees in me....
off soapbox now.
Being in this situation, only with a daughter, I found this topic and have been reading responses. Actually, I was searching for this type topic almost exactly. And FINALLY, somebody has got my thoughts and feels the same.
Thank you.
Sometimes it's tough being a caring, loving parent, and it gets tougher the older they get. They don't know-it-all; liberal colleges just makes 'em think that way.
I'm certainly glad that my mother raised me in a way where I wouldn't feel like I had to rebel when I hit college. I'm also glad that she realized that my college grades were NOT going to be the same as my high school grades! I put in 3 to 4 hours of pure STUDYING for every hour a week I'm in class- and still am nowhere near a 4.0. That's life.
I'm just wondering where in the OP's brief post did she say anything about paying for her son's education? She didn't. Don't jump to conclusions there.
On the phone issue, there are a million reasons not to answer the phone. It takes my mom about 2 months to get my schedule down so as not to call me during class, and by then the semester is almost over. I'm not going to answer my phone when I'm in class, at work, studying, or participating in one of my extracurricular activities. My phone is on silent when I'm involved in any of the above so I won't be disturbed by anyone- friends, family, bill collectors (I jest I jest..). Luckily my mom trusts me to CALL HER when I have time. Yes, she does pay for my phone when I'm in the country. However, she understands that college students are busy. That's how she raised me- work ethic comes first. I know kids who will walk out of important meetings to take a call from their parents because they see that as being respectful. I see that as rude to everyone else taking up time to be at the meeting.
I set up a contract with my family as to how often we would talk. My mom now only calls to leave a message. I will call her when I have time- and I do make time as often as possible. Even when I'm abroad, I will blow $20 to call my mom because I value that time. I can't imagine wanting to do that with the OP.
And to burr, at least my liberal college (and liberal, caring, loving, not-helicopter-parent parents) make me think. Too few students my age have that background at home.
They don't know-it-all; liberal colleges just makes 'em think that way.
Wow, so now we are BLAMING a liberal college for the relationship problem. I do believe that a" child 's "( and I use that term loosely here)morals,values are engraved and imprinted well before he/she steps foot on a college campus.
If you have a great bond with your child before they head off to college, then that bond will continue.
Why would you wait to college to start fostering the bond? You should do that WELL before then.
Wow, so now we are BLAMING a liberal college for the relationship problem. I do believe that a" child 's "( and I use that term loosely here)morals,values are engraved and imprinted well before he/she steps foot on a college campus.
If you have a great bond with your child before they head off to college, then that bond will continue.
Why would you wait to college to start fostering the bond? You should do that WELL before then.
Hey, when she graduates, gets a little older, gets out in the world, she will be back. Our bond isn't the problem, the bonds are fostered from birth to each day I return her to school after weekend visit, but if you think a major college campus does not put brand new thoughts, experiences, and diverse cultures in front of a somewhat country girl, you have not been there.
And I don't have a relationship problem with my daughter, just a problem letting go - and I have accepted the facts. I do stand by the statement that a college campus is a whole lot more life than she's seen here at the house, ya know ? I trust that she is morally balanced and has sound judgement, BUT what about the others ?
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......... or worse, a helicopter parent
