19 year old and lies

[jtur88]

His education is an issue, his sex is mot. You are paying for an education, not chastity. The deal is that if he doesn't keep up his grades, you don't pay. The end.

[At1WithNature]

Originally Posted by spartky

What can a parent do with a 19 year old that is in his first year of university who is sleeping with the opposite sex and not listening to reason. His school work is not up to par and he lies constantly and doesnt pick up his cell phone when we call. We are going out of our minds with stress. Please help. Any suggestions???

Unfortunately, this is pretty common in today's world. Just because society dictates that you should send your child to an expensive university at age 18 doesn't mean it is in the best interest of your child or your pocket book. perhaps, it would be better for him to come back home and get a full time job. or get the core classes out of the way at a cheaper community college until he proves that he is ready to give it his all. perhaps, he can do both. i goofed off at college and now I am forced to work a full time job while being a full time student. it ain't easy, but nothing working for is.

[Margaret Arend]

I like NCyank's response...being a parent of a 19 year old and two other young adults....having gone through many many experiences therefore as a parent ... that would be the thing I would do.
If you are paying the tuition and cell phone there are obligations.
It's important to learn that we need to be accountable to other people for our actions and considerate of those who are considerate of us. This idea that some of the responses have inferred...that one should "leave them alone" they are "adults"...as though they had no accountability as "adults" is not logical. 19 to me is not fully adult....they may look adult, talk adult and do adult things...and legally are adult...but lack life experience that a lets say 24 year old would have. They still need some parenting believe it or not...I cant believe how some responses seem to infer that hey, they are 19, let them go, get a life and forget about them. I know that as a mother I certainly dont agree with that attitude. I believe in the old fashioned way of honouring your father an dmother... learning that care and concern for your family and others is important....if your parents are paying your tuition and cell...you certainly owe them the honour of upholding the small obligations they expect - that of doing well in your studies and answering the cell phone. Definitely lying should not be ever considered excusable. Lying? Lying is never okay. And why is it some of you instantly turn on the parent and say it's their fault....saying..."let them go"..."dont stress yourself" and such nonsense. Believe me...I've seen too many children on wards with problems because their parents didnt take the time to parent them and "let them go".

[partyof4]

Originally Posted by akck

He's an adult, so you can't even see his grades without his permission. Your only option is to threaten to cut off funding if he doesn't talk to you. If he still doesn't answer or call, follow through on the threat. I'll bet he'll call when he needs to pay bills. At that point, you can work out a deal calling for improved grades. As to his sex life, all you can do is inform him of the consequences (STDs, pregnancy, etc.), so he'll practice safe sex.

i agree. unless hes making money on his own.. i would try to make a deal..