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Can your kids trust you, as much as you expect them to be trustworthy? How far are you willing to go on an honor system, and how far do they have a right to expect you to go?
If there are trust issues in your relationship with your kids, who betrayed whose trust first? Be honest.
"Can your kids trust you, as much as you expect them to be trustworthy? How far are you willing to go on an honor system, and how far do they have a right to expect you to go?"
HUH? Sorry - no idea what you are talking about....
"Can your kids trust you, as much as you expect them to be trustworthy? How far are you willing to go on an honor system, and how far do they have a right to expect you to go?"
HUH? Sorry - no idea what you are talking about....
I am sorry, but I don't think kids can be TRUSTED to do the right thing with their lives until they are old enough. They make stupid mistakes to many times a day. I think your original statement is more accusatory than anything.
Um, no, I meant what the heck do you mean by "how far are you willing to go on an honor system"? I have teenagers - my philosophy has always been you are trusted until you give us reason not to. Trust then has to be earned back and it is not an easy feat because trust is a valuable commodity. I don't believe I have done things that would cause my kids to not trust me (not LIKE me, ok, not TRUST me, nope)...
I dont trust my dd anymore. that has to be earned back. some of you have read my other threads and understand. I think there is trust with me though. I have never done anything that would make my kids not trust me. Maybe a few times saying we would do something and then it changing. those werent promises though and it was explained why the change happened.
The whole point of my OP was this: Do your kids have any reason, justified or not, to think that YOU betrayed THEIR trust? That is often the case, without you even realizing it. Is there a better way to find out what they're up to, than snooping at their stuff or askkng questions behind their back? Remember, if your kids have the perception that you have betrayed their trust, that is all it taked to throw the whole trust issue into a tailspin. As the logical rational parent, you have to guard as much against destructive perceptions as against realities---maybe even more so, to keep the trust alive and bilateral. This is not an accusation, but a suggestion of something you should be mindful of.
jtur - Honestly, I don't know how you can control someones feelings if, as you say, they are justified or not. Teenagers will at some point feel you've betrayed them in one way or another. It's the nature of the beast. If your beef is snooping through their stuff or asking questions behind their back, how would one find out information if you are concerned your child is involved in something that could be dangerous and that the child is or could be lying (I know, I know, a teenager lying to their parents regarding their whereabouts - shocking. hardly ever happens....)? I guess I avoid the "betrayal" concept by not ever telling them I won't do that. In fact, I tell them straight up that if they give me reason to snoop, I feel as a parent I am in fact OBLIGATED to snoop if I am concerned for their well being. (Just being nosy is another situation all together). A minor living under my roof has no "right" to privacy. Not in the room that is in my house that I pay the mortgage on, not on the computer I purchased or the internet/land line/cell phone that I pay for. If they want the "right" to privacy they can have it when they are supporting themselves. Now, all that being said, goes back to my previous post that our trust is given until they give us reason not to. Same goes with privacy....I don't go snooping just to be nosy.
If your beef is snooping through their stuff or asking questions behind their back, how would one find out information if you are concerned your child is involved in something that could be dangerous and that the child is or could be lying .
Step One is give them a chance to tell the truth, on a level playng field, under circumstances in which they can trust you to listen to their side of the story and be fair in your response. If that doesn't work, then go to Plan B. But there is a reason that the founders put due process in the constitution. Be damned sure you have probable cause before you snoop. Don't go on fishing expeditions. If you're kid believe you snooped without probable cause, it is YOU who have eroded the trust.
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I have teenagers - my philosophy has always been you are trusted until you give us reason not to. Trust then has to be earned back and it is not an easy feat because trust is a valuable commodity. I don't believe I have done things that would cause my kids to not trust me (not LIKE me, ok, not TRUST me, nope)...
