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My sister (recently divorced) has been working very hard lately to buy her son (almost 14 years old) the things he wanted for Christmas. His father is giving her a hard time with child support payments being on time and by "bad-mouthing" his mother. Daddy can do no wrong and mama can do no right.
She went to the grocery store today and while she was gone.... he opened his presents under the tree and re wrapped them very sloppy. She could tell immediately and confronted him. Her feelings are HURT. She was hoping to feel the pride and joy in providing him with the things he wanted on Christmas morning and now she is devastated.
She has threatened to return all the items. I told her not to completely crush his world but not to make idol threats. What should she do in this situation with this very fragile child?
Sounds like he's going through a lot. As disappointed as your sister is, he is 14 and she is an adult. It's not about her. He will already have the disappointment of no suprises. Let it be. I would either not say a word about it or, if he brought it up express disappointment that the suprise was ruined but not at the behavior itself. Would not get mad if that is the only acting out he is doing.
It's tough situation all around. I'm sure she's frustrated and exhausted as well as disappointed. I'd bet your nephew already regrets his actions and feels bad enough. Hopefully they will work through this situation and just have a Merry Christmas.
To me it sounds like the mom needs some help, maybe some counseling. She sounds way stressed out and it sounds like she is competing with the ex for the son's affection. Not good. I can see being a bit peeved, but devastated? Those are presents, things and stuff, not a symbol that mom is better than dad.
I remember one year, my brother and i were being VVvveerrryyyy onery. We did the same darn thing. Opened up all those gifts, then re-wrapped them. Although, my parents never said a word about it, i dont know if they knew or not, but I can tell you, i vividly remember the disappointment and lack of excitement on Christmas morning while we went through the motions of opening all those gifts..again. Oh it was terrible....really ruined a lot of the fun/excitement/joy of Christmas morning. Not to mention, besides all that, I was also eaten alive with guilt.
So....I bet just leaving them and going on about it as usual will be plenty of punishment. Heck, more then 20 yrs later, thinking of that Christmas makes me feel just awful still!!!
self punishment is totally the best!
I feel for the mom too though...I bet she could use a good cry and some time out. My first Christmas after my husband left, my daughter was 2 1/2. I couldnt even afford a tree, I waited til dark, and went to the apartment garbage bin and picked up the sawed off top from someone elses tree. Then, for $$ for gifts, I scrounged through and found pop bottles, traded them in and got some used stuff from the Goodwill. After going through all that, and having that horridness of the "First Christmas Alone" if my child had done that, it may have very well devistated me too.
Mom sounds pretty fragile herself. Maybe a gift of a girls night out for her might be in store.
Id say though, at this point, nothing much can be done to make up for him doing that. And again, he'll have to live with what he did. Nothing horrible really, but i bet it takes away a lot of his Christmas joy to know he hurt mom. Punishment, enough.
I told my children from the beginning not to look for their Christmas Presents. One year my oldest was about 7 or so and she did look for them. She found them and unwrapped 2 I think. I took the ones she unwrapped back and she didn't get them. She never even tried to look again. Isn't the suprise alot of what it is about? It is normal to be able to leave Christmas presents under the tree or money laying on your dresser or maybe on the kitchen cabinet. I think it is. At 5 a child should know it isn't yours Mama said don't touch. At 14 they should understand that what they did was wrong and whatever punishment Mama gives is hers to meet. Just my opinion.
Just my rules.
One year, when my daughter and son were about 9 and 7, they wanted to give mom a gift and let me sleep in on Christmas morning. When I woke up to find that they were both in their beds with their gift from Santa next to them, after questioning what happened, I went into the bedroom and sobbed. Seeing the kids get their things on Christmas morning is the gift I've always looked most forward to opening. So yes, I can understand being devastated by that, especially if she's in a fragile state already. All the hours and all the work you put into building the surprise and wonder into Christmas morning... I understand.
In my case, my husband didn't and still doesn't believe that the kids really just wanted to let me sleep to be nice. He still thinks they were just being shelfish, and to this day, I will not allow anyone to talk about that incident. It causes too much hurt, especially to my daughter, who made the decision to let her brother have his gift without me there to see it. I really believe she had good intentions. Unfortunately for her, the gift she tried to give me turned out to be what ruined my Christmas that year. That's why, out of respect for her, I won't allow it to be brought up.
My brothers and I used to open our presents and then rewrap them. We'd scour the house for them. Sometimes, we were still surprised, because they weren't always labeled and things went to different people than expected. I have to say, in the end, I learned it wasn't worth it. Surprises are nice.
My husband and his siblings likewise opened and rewrapped their presents. There was just no hiding those gifts unless you stored them out of the house. I think they outgrew it when they went off to college. Total brats.
It's a completely normal thing for a kid to do, especially when gifts are left in full view. I'm sure he'll feel the disappointment come Christmas morning when there is no excitement associated with gift opening. I also agree that she shouldn't make idle threats. Maybe she can let him have some, then make him somehow earn the rest. I don't think it's a good idea to crush his world, either. In my mind, it wasn't that serious of an infraction.
My best wishes go out to them.
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Oh it was terrible....really ruined a lot of the fun/excitement/joy of Christmas morning. Not to mention, besides all that, I was also eaten alive with guilt. 
