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Old 12-22-2008, 02:26 AM
 
3 posts, read 11,475 times
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Raising boys in this world is very difficult. I have two sons my eldest who is very mild mannered was jumped by 9 boys as he bent down to tie his shoes in a lunch line. My youngest who must have been more affected than my eldest by this event has adopted the belief that he can take on all aggressors by himself. Raising boys in this day and time is a living nightmare.
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Old 12-22-2008, 07:45 AM
 
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The OP really ticks me off - and I say, "Good for your son!" Enough is enough.

My sons are both grown. Fine young men. Did great in school. Weren't fighters, and got along well with most everyone.

There's a point at which guys are going to be guys, and sometimes have to settle things in a guy way. If two boys get into a scuffle, and come to fisticuffs, chances are they'll settle their issue quickly and get on with life. They'll probably get along better after the fight than before.

Here's one of my gripes: Our public school administrations have become extremely feminized and politically correct - and that just doesn't work in all cases. I don't want to be derogatory toward the fairer sex here, but boys are just not apt to sit down over a cup of hot chocolate and successfully talk through their issues. Sometimes they're going to punch it out. And as long as nothing but a fat lip, or a bruised ego results, it's going to be okay.

Years ago, our second son got in trouble at school for "fighting" (he was in about 2nd grade). He had punched a kid and "threatened" him. Turns out, the kid he punched was bullying and beating on a little Mexican kid, and my son finally got really mad about it, stepped in and stopped it. The teacher who saw it happen, and reported it, had this, "I know, I know, this is stupid - your son did the right thing" look on his face. And while we talked to our son about the whole incident, we did not punish him.


Have fun raising those boys! They're a blast!
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Old 12-22-2008, 07:49 AM
 
2,223 posts, read 2,209,822 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 5kingsinvegas View Post
As a teacher also, I understand why the school suspended both of them. However, while they may have a zero tolerance policy, your son did the right thing.

My daughter was being bullied by a boy in one of her classes. She finally stood up to him and they both got detention for disrupting the class. When I told the teacher what had been going on he pretty much told me the same thing, "she should have come to him". Well, most kids, especially middle school ones, do not tattle.
Good points.

It's ironic though, our middle child (two boys, then a girl) is THE loud, rambunctious and aggressive one of the three. Funny how that works!
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Old 12-22-2008, 07:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimmieyky View Post
I would have ZERO tolerance for a school who punishes the victim as well as the bully.
I understand that. But the truth is, they have to. It involves legal issues, etc. And what's more, most school teachers/administrators know it's dumb - but their hands are tied.
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Old 12-22-2008, 07:55 AM
 
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As I've read through this thread, I've had a mixture of anger and laughter.

My boys are now in their 20s. Dang, I miss having little boys around the house, with all their noise and messes and boy crap!


Folks, raising boys is a BLAST! Don't try to turn them into girls. Enjoy every minute of their "boyness" - even the tough minutes!
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,381,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Filet Mignon View Post
I understand that. But the truth is, they have to. It involves legal issues, etc. And what's more, most school teachers/administrators know it's dumb - but their hands are tied.
It also has to do with not always knowing the whole story and therefor not having to get involved with a "he said she said" (or "he said he said") situation....just gets too complicated to unravel.
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
It also has to do with not always knowing the whole story and therefor not having to get involved with a "he said she said" (or "he said he said") situation....just gets too complicated to unravel.
True. But most teachers/administrators know who the problem child, or instigator, is.

My wife & I were very involved in our children's educations. We got to know their teachers, were very supportive and helpful, and didn't constantly criticize them. We also didn't undermine the authority of the teachers by bashing them at home.

The vast, vast majority of school teachers are GOOD teachers, and are doing their darned best to BE good teachers.
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,381,541 times
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Filet - totally agree. My point was, often times in HS, fights tend to break out in places like hallways and lunchrooms and are instigated by things the administrators cannot always see or hear. And yes, they do know in general who the good kids are vs. the bad but you cannot punish someone for an instance just because you know they probably did something. In this society, they are lucky to be able to punish anyone at all.
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:15 AM
 
Location: LEAVING CD
22,974 posts, read 26,911,935 times
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At the risk of sounding like an old fogey, when I was in middle/high school back in the 70's the administration posessed this little talent (gift?) of having a bulls**t detector active somewhere in their head. They'd sit both parties down and get the story from them and turn on their "detector" and find out the real story then punish the offender and send the other back to class.
It seems that there's no "detector" anymore or most likely they just don't want to spend the time/effort to do what's right finding it much easier to just nail both and move on.
So my question is exactly how have we evolved or have we devolved?
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,381,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimj View Post
At the risk of sounding like an old fogey, when I was in middle/high school back in the 70's the administration posessed this little talent (gift?) of having a bulls**t detector active somewhere in their head. They'd sit both parties down and get the story from them and turn on their "detector" and find out the real story then punish the offender and send the other back to class.
It seems that there's no "detector" anymore or most likely they just don't want to spend the time/effort to do what's right finding it much easier to just nail both and move on.
So my question is exactly how have we evolved or have we devolved?
Well fellow fogey, today: more kids, more drama, less parenting. If teachers and admins tried to unravel the stuff going on today, there'd be no time left for actual teaching....unfortunate but true. Also, bully's parents often have more money than time and would rather sue the district for unfairly singling out their child - and the district would settle...
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