Don't stop me from spanking a child! (stepmom, cartoons, appropriate)
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I was raised in an italian- irish catholic family and there was a no nonsense approach to child rearing . You messed up you got a swat on your rear . If you rolled your eyes at your folks you got a swat on the rear . I remember my mother used to tell us : I brought you into this world and I will make da*n sure you respect me and your daddy as well as other members of this family . You dont like it that is tuff cause I cant return you . we went to church every sunday morning and sunday night . My mother said you had better give your heart and soul to god cause your rear is mine . By god we grew up to respect our world and those around us and are better for it .
I'm usually pretty socially liberal, but this is one exception to the rule. I think whatever works in your house is grand, but the militantly anti-spanking people are off their rockers.
Question for all of you who don't spank. What methods do you all use? What happens when " Nathan, go to the corner." Doesn't work anymore? When calmly talking to them doesn't help? When they continue to back sass and disrespect you? Then what do you do?
And I have a very similar question. What happens when spanking Nathan doesn't work anymore? What about when spanking him harder doesn't help? When he continues to sass and disrespect you? Then what do you do?
I think spanking is a very valuable tool to parents and children. It teaches the kid a physical feeling to go with their bad deed. However, I think some parents get a little carried away. My mother was a spanker, only she rarely used her hand and instead used one of her big wooden kitchen spoons. Those spoons taught me respect. Now the only thing that is legal in this state is "hand to butt".
My dad never did a lot of spanking but when he did we knew he meant business. He would usually just threaten us with his leather belt collection, which he never ever used, but he still has the belt that his father used to spank him with when he was a kid.
Being spanked as a kid always made me think twice before doing something I shouldn't have done.
My mom used to tell me that "there was no handbook for raising kids"...and actually there are! The majority of experts will confirm that spanking and otherwise hitting your child causes more harm than good. Behavior modification can be achieved without having to resort to hitting. I am a dog trainer and I have successfully trained all breeds of dogs, including rottweilers and pitbulls. I am able to teach and command a 80 pound dog that has no speech center of the brain without resorting to hitting or physically punishing. The same principles of Learning Theory (google it) apply to ALL species of living things, from single-celled organisms to cats and to human beings. I KNOW that dogs are not kids and kids are not dogs. But the point is that there are SO many other ways to be in charge and have control without resorting to physical punishment!I am the new guardian of a 5 year old boy. He has lived his entire life in an environment of yelling and hitting in the context of both "discipline" and abusively. He was not taught how to speak politely to people and the first week he lived with me would refer to me as "Woman", as in "Woman get me a drink!". There is NO way I can or would be able to use spanking as a punishment. In 6 weeks he stopped using foul language and no longer calls me "Woman", goes to bed without a fuss, completes his daily chores, and does what he is asked most of the time. This was ALL accomplished by modeling the language we wanted to hear and teaching him alternate words to use (sugar biscuits is his favorite when he drops something), we speak respectfully to him (please and thank you), using a chore chart to remind him what his responsibilities are, and rewarding him with little things when he is good without being asked. These little 'rewards' are not used as bribes and are as simple as a glass of chocolate milk with dinner or a walk with the dogs.
I was spanked as a child. I grew up thinking I would spank my children when I was a parent. I have two teenagers now and probably spanked them no more than 2 or 3 times when they were very small. Personally, I don't think spanking is productive. My own experience taught me that there were more effective ways to model a childs behavior. That being said, I believe all children are unique, and what works with some children, won't work with others.....I just don't think spanking is beneficial in any other way than simply an 'attention getter'.
I'm a firm believer of spanking children ( There's a difference between spankings and child abuse) . Do you see spanking as a valuable parental tool, and why?
If I were to say here that I had never spanked my son, it would be a lie. Did I think it was a useful tool, not really. The one time I really spanked him on his tail end, he had taken a bunch of those sticky burdock things that get stuck on your clothes outside or in your hair, he put them on a stick and put them up the dogs butt! The dog was a Pekinese and had long fluffy hair and on top of it all, she was nasty. So, after I spanked his butt for being cruel to the dog, I made him take the burdocks out of her butt and off her fur. He would pull the burdocks out, she would nip...this went on for about an hour! So cruelty to an animal is something I still won't take to this day.
When it comes to spanking I now think....what if I were to get slapped every time I do something wrong? Just doesn't make any sense...the pain goes away and there is no lesson learned. I think it is far more productive to at least tell the child what he did wrong, why it is wrong and then punish him with something that will mean something to him. Take away a privilege, take away a favorite computer toy, take away the computer...something of value disappearing is far better than having akid who hates you because you spank or hit them.
I was raised in the late 50's and through the 60's and my father BEAT me. I took it until I was 18. He had me pushed into a corner and was doing his thing which consisted of punching,kicking, slapping and shoving. My hand fell back onto a wooden coat hanger one of those flimsy wooden hangers. I broke it over my knee and told this BEAST that if he EVER touched me again he was going to get HURT. He stopped. All of a sudden there was not that scared little girl in front of this monster any longer...I was a grown woman and no longer afraid of him...he was afraid. This is part of the reason that my son only got that one spanking...never touched him in anger again.
Look, some parents can and do "pop" their kids on the butt...harmless for now but who knows what anger can do and how this could escalate. There has to be and should be a different way to discipline.
Remember this...please...at age 61, I can STILL feel the heat from my Dad's leather belt across my back, legs, butt and it still burns!
I was raised in an italian- irish catholic family and there was a no nonsense approach to child rearing . You messed up you got a swat on your rear . If you rolled your eyes at your folks you got a swat on the rear . I remember my mother used to tell us : I brought you into this world and I will make da*n sure you respect me and your daddy as well as other members of this family . You dont like it that is tuff cause I cant return you . we went to church every sunday morning and sunday night . My mother said you had better give your heart and soul to god cause your rear is mine . By god we grew up to respect our world and those around us and are better for it .
Ok, I have to comment on this post as well. I was an abused child and let me tell you this....getting a swat on the rear for every breath you take and being corraled like a wild animal and made to do exactly as your parents DEMANDED is a form of child abuse. Why do parents think that telling a child "I brought you into this world and will make dang sure you respect me and your Daddy...etc" will make a child respect you??? How about this making them fear the crap out of the parents...can you say intimidation? You simply cannot raise a child properly by intimidating them. How about telling your children that God loves them and by giving their heart and soul to God they are showing that love right back?
Yes, you probably grew up to respect your world and those around you but did you raise your children this same way? I think all this did for y9ou was make you determined and angry enough to do EXACTLY the same thing with your kids.
Having God in your life has nothing to do with fear or anger....God is all about love and understanding, compassion and your post sounds like you were never taught that. For this...I feel sorry for you.
Ok, I have to comment on this post as well. I was an abused child and let me tell you this....getting a swat on the rear for every breath you take and being corraled like a wild animal and made to do exactly as your parents DEMANDED is a form of child abuse. Why do parents think that telling a child "I brought you into this world and will make dang sure you respect me and your Daddy...etc" will make a child respect you??? How about this making them fear the crap out of the parents...can you say intimidation? You simply cannot raise a child properly by intimidating them. How about telling your children that God loves them and by giving their heart and soul to God they are showing that love right back?
Yes, you probably grew up to respect your world and those around you but did you raise your children this same way? I think all this did for y9ou was make you determined and angry enough to do EXACTLY the same thing with your kids.
Having God in your life has nothing to do with fear or anger....God is all about love and understanding, compassion and your post sounds like you were never taught that. For this...I feel sorry for you.
Well said!
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Spanking a Child
