Don't stop me from spanking a child! (chores, classes, adult)
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I have rarely had to use spanking at my house. I do use the 1,2,3 count and when I have had to use spanking most times I had time to give the 1,2,3 count before hand. When I have had to reach 3 because the kids were misbehaving or being disobediant then a swat or some sort of punishment followed 3. What type of discipline i used after 3 depended on what the child was doing. A few times of that and the kids have learned when mom starts counting in a certain tone they had better start listneing, straightening up or obeying because they know that 4 doesn't always follow 3. Anymore I hardly ever get past 1 before I see results.
If you need to spank your child to make it listen to you, you are seriously failing as a parent imo. What began as my mother spanking me when I was like 3-8 years old turned to physical abuse as I grew older and could take more beating without "learning the lesson"
My father on the otherhand never ever beat me, he just explained a certain dissapointment when I did something wrong, and needless to say I have none, whatsovever respect for my mother, but had great respect for my father when he died a month ago.
I think it depends on the age of the child. A swat on the butt or a hand smacking for a toddler is useful but after the age of 4 it's not necessary. I also use the 1,2,3 even as they are toddlers and as long as something happens after 3 they learn pretty quickly to stop what they are doing by 1.
I remeber getting whoopings until at least 11, but my parents were the lazy type that waited until my behavior got so bad and they were so angry that the whoopings made them feel better rather than taught me anything. I don't mean lazy like they tried to reason with me or explain why my behavior was a problem, I mean the lazy armchair yelling "if I have to get out of this chair". I think my sisters and I liked to see how long it would take to get them out of those chairs. lol
I think it depends on the age of the child. A swat on the butt or a hand smacking for a toddler is useful but after the age of 4 it's not necessary. I also use the 1,2,3 even as they are toddlers and as long as something happens after 3 they learn pretty quickly to stop what they are doing by 1.
I remeber getting whoopings until at least 11, but my parents were the lazy type that waited until my behavior got so bad and they were so angry that the whoopings made them feel better rather than taught me anything. I don't mean lazy like they tried to reason with me or explain why my behavior was a problem, I mean the lazy armchair yelling "if I have to get out of this chair". I think my sisters and I liked to see how long it would take to get them out of those chairs. lol
OK, here's my opinion. I think spanking is used by parents that haven't learned how to effectively discipline their children using other methods.
Effective discipline does not include "do what I want you to do or I will hit/hurt you". Spanking teaches fear, hostility and aggression. No matter what you think, spanking is a bigger person hitting a smaller person. How many of us have seen a parent hitting their child for hitting another child? "I told you not to hit" as they are "spanking" them! And that makes sense to a child??
The goal of discipline is to teach your children self discipline, not fear.
If you need to spank your child to make it listen to you, you are seriously failing as a parent imo. What began as my mother spanking me when I was like 3-8 years old turned to physical abuse as I grew older and could take more beating without "learning the lesson"
My father on the otherhand never ever beat me, he just explained a certain dissapointment when I did something wrong, and needless to say I have none, whatsovever respect for my mother, but had great respect for my father when he died a month ago.
Why do the spankers always feel the need to defend their right to spank? They are very defensive about the subject. There's constantly some thread somewhere talking about the right to spank. They try to cite research to support their argument and they want to criticize any research that challenges their argument. There's very few studies that show spanking as harmless, for good reason, and the only ones that do merely show that IF spanking is administered under very controlled circumstances and is mild and occasional and on clothed parts, that it doesn't do any major damage. So all those studies say is that there are times when spanking does NOT damage the development of the child. Woo hoo. There are TONS of studies that show otherwise....how it's linked with violence and aggression and depression and other maladaptive behaviors. You don't ever see pamphlets on spanking. There's no parenting class advocating spanking. There's no child development books or journal articles or handouts or brochures promoting spanking for parents. You won't find one.
Different kids respond to different things. I won't say I never ever spanked any of my kids. OTOH, I could have spanked my youngest dd until we were both bruised from head to toe, and it would barely have gotten her attention, so it wasn't worth bothering. And the other three responded well enough to other things.
At this point, with my two youngest, we turn it into a "life lesson". I think my 11yo would rather chew off his arm than experience another life lesson, which is usually a combination of a really ugly work detail and being lectured to death. <g>
As for other people and their kids...not my business, unless it involves something I'd be required to report to CPS.
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