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Old 01-16-2009, 08:49 AM
 
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I have a 15 year old that is in honor classes. He is extremely bright and lazy. He transferred from another state that is known for bad schools and was able to glide through with little or no effort.

This year though it is hard and he can't glide through. He keeps trying though instead of studying and doing homework. He went from a straight A's to C's. He gets 0's for assignments but 90-100 on tests/quizzes. He is finding out that this is backfiring on him as they grade evenly between homework and tests. We have put our foot down and make him sit at the table for an hour a day. He has the choice to stare at the wall or do his homework. He seems to have been doing better the last few weeks and then I logged in this morning to see his final grades. He was maintaining an A this last quarter and got an A on his final exam however he didn't do a major project and his final grade is C. I am livid. I emailed the teacher to be sure this was accurate and she said that she warned him it was a major grade percentage over his final grade but that he chose to take a zero for it instead.

He isn't home yet and I am trying to think of what to say or how to punish. I don't like grounding he will just sit there and pout at everyone and make my other 2 kids miserable by lashing out at them.

What can I do? I am so frustrated with him laziness! He is so arrogant and thinks he can glide through this! Suggestions?
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:05 AM
 
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does he plan to go to college and does he have a carrier in mind? i know he is young, but some people already know what they are interested in at a young age.
what is if you could take him to a nearby college and show him what he will be missing out on if he continues this way. explain to him that his grades now WILL effect him---even though he thinks it may be too early to worry about.
punishing him probably wont help, but helping him understand what his alternatives might be can help.
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:15 AM
 
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That is how we got him to do a bit more. He wants to do some theory physics and wants to go to MIT. We looked up the entrance requirements and he very well knows this.

We also told him that if he gets C's or below in his honor classes, we are pulling him out of honors and placing him in regular classes. He got really upset as he thought we were telling him he couldn't handle honors. Well I am waiting to see the rest of his grades this week.
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
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I would punish him. He knew that he had a project, was warned by his teacher, and still took a ZERO!!! There is no excuse for that. How old is he? My punishment would depend on his age. For my middle school child there would be no TV, video games, computer or fun activities. Let him know that this is NOT going to be tolerated. He can shape up or forget about you going out of your way to do anything nice for him (take him anywhere, laundry,ect), including the privileges he has at home (Tv,ect).
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26 View Post
He can shape up or forget about you going out of your way to do anything nice for him (take him anywhere, laundry,ect), including the privileges he has at home (Tv,ect).

I was going to say something like this too. See how he likes it when he's on the receiving end of a C effort.

As far as punishing...my mom used to put my sister in "isolation". LOL. If she got grounded, she served her time in her room and was only allowed out to eat and use the bathroom. She didn't get the opportunity to be ugly to the rest of us in general population. Good luck.
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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This seems to remind me of someone...

I was just like this at about the same age. I think I can actually feel the passive-aggressiveness.

I'm not sure that tit-for-tat punishment (e.g. grounding, no computer, no tv) is going to be terribly beneficial. This doesn't seem to be a case where he needs to learn that action A results in consequence B. I think this is an organizational issue and he will do better if you force him to get organized.

First and foremost, do not let him learn that he is more determined than you. If he learns that he can "wait you out" to avoid having to change, he'll do it every time there is a problem between you and he'll go off to college with the same coasting attitude that he has now. This probably isn't something that he will simply grow out of, you're going to have to kick his butt out of it.

If I were in your shoes I would put a dry erase board and a giant calender with all 12 months at-a-glance on the wall in the kitchen or some place where you and your son can't miss it. If his teachers issue syllabi or outlines, get him to mark all of the test dates and project due dates on the calender. If he doesn't want to play along, you may have to contact his teachers for the same. Anytime he has a homework assignment he has to record it on the dry erase board. If you follow this course he's going to do a lot of eye-rolling, but as long as you stick with the attitude that "This is happening and the only way I will stop annoying you is if you do it my way" he will eventually come around to Mama's way of thinking.

That is real punishment. You aren't taking away a privilege, you're forcing him to change - which is exactly what he doesn't want to do.
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:32 AM
 
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He is 15.

Isolation isn't too mean? I am not used to this teen as my other two are under 8.

And I am livid too that he didn't do this assignment and LIED to us about it. We always ask him if he had any more assignments. I remember even asking him that I am surprised he hadn't had to to any projects for ANY of his classes. He said he didn't. So he lied outright several times.
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:36 AM
 
7,672 posts, read 12,723,309 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimboburnsy View Post
This seems to remind me of someone...

I was just like this at about the same age. I think I can actually feel the passive-aggressiveness.

First and foremost, do not let him learn that he is more determined than you. If he learns that he can "wait you out" to avoid having to change, he'll do it every time there is a problem between you and he'll go off to college with the same coasting attitude that he has now. This probably isn't something that he will simply grow out of, you're going to have to kick his butt out of it.

If I were in your shoes I would put a dry erase board and a giant calender with all 12 months at-a-glance on the wall in the kitchen or some place where you and your son can't miss it. If his teachers issue syllabi or outlines, get him to mark all of the test dates and project due dates on the calender. If he doesn't want to play along, you may have to contact his teachers for the same. Anytime he has a homework assignment he has to record it on the dry erase board. If you follow this course he's going to do a lot of eye-rolling, but as long as you stick with the attitude that "This is happening and the only way I will stop annoying you is if you do it my way" he will eventually come around to Mama's way of thinking.
He is in high school. I did try emailing his teachers but they emailed back that he knows very well what the assignments are and that he needs to inform me of it. I understand what the teachers are saying, he is old enough to do this on his own. This is HIGH SCHOOL.

I am thinking that I am cutting his 3 hours of computer time to only on weekend for an hour or so.

I do like the dry erase board and will look into that. He is getting all new teachers next week and I will be emailing them all to see if I get a different reponse. Maybe ask how often will they assign homework and take it from there. (his school does split scheduling-he takes 4 classes for the first 2 quarters and the other 4 classes the last 2 quarters-this week it is finals for his four classes)

I am also leaning toward to having my "own" boring assignments for him to do when he tells me there is no homework. Make him do homework daily wether it be MINE or the teachers.

Anything else to add?
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by momtothree View Post
He is 15.

Isolation isn't too mean?
I'm sure some will say it is, but I don't think it is. It was harder on me b/c I would get, "Don't talk to your sister, she's grounded" and I felt bad. LOL. My mom would do it with the theory of if she is just going to lie when she spoke, and was going to be a huge attitude because she was mad that she was being punished because of HER behaviour and actions, then it was best she stay by herself for a while and think about it. My sister was a tough nut to crack though. It didn't fix everything, but considering also that my mother removed everything except her bed and clothes from her room, she had nothing else to do BUT the homework she wasn't doing while she was grounded. My sister also wasn't an honors student, so at least you have that going for him.

Have his teachers given you any suggestions on how to handle it?
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
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Punishing him won't help but rewarding him for good grades might.

My children are both in GT programs, and like you have moved from schools up north where they coasted through GT. Like your son, neither one of them would go to the regular classes, although we would have forced them there if they had C's. What we did was device a pay-for-performance incentive program based on a permutation of A's & B's. The dollars are significant...on a good semester, my 9th grader can take home $750, my son in 7th grade as much as $400. These amounts are not for them to spend...they are being banked as future downpayment for their cars. They have been told that the less downpayment they have, the clunkier or older their cars would be. This works for everyone all around as hubby and I feel that regardless of their grades, we would have to get them vehicles for college, esp. if they would be out of state, or even in-state but not live at home. Why not make them earn it at the get-go?

We are also encouraging my daughter to shoot for AP classes as soon as she could (probably as a junior). She understands that they are harder, but the more AP credits she can get, the shorter her college stay would be, the more of what we have appropriated for her tuition will go to her instead. I think the trick is to make them understand that they will eventually be responsible for something in the future and that their performance today affects that future truly and absolutely. My daughter has been advised that she would be responsible for her share of auto insurance at that time. However, if she gets scholarships, the money we would have used as tuition, we would pay instead toward her insurance so she doesn't have to work part time to pay for it. Whenever you can, throw the repercussions of their actions now to their life in the future. If you paint a scenario for them where they will have to work harder then than now, I think they would rather work harder now.

Last edited by BagongBuhay; 01-16-2009 at 10:12 AM..
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