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Old 01-22-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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I'm not terribly creative, but you may need to be to see what works. When my son was 2, a firm, louder-than-normal tone worked very well. My daughter at 2 was not fazed in the least by scolding, but an occasional swat on the butt was very effective at deterring misbehavior. I find that timeouts work quite well with my 5-year-old, but my 8-year-old does not care about that. For him, losing a day of video games (we only play on weekends, so a Saturday with none is a big deal to him) or having to go to bed early are BIG DEALS to him. I have to agree that consistency is key over creativity... your kids need to know what to expect for the most part. I do think that especially bad behavior might warrant a more creative approach in some instances... gotta catch them by surprise so they don't do THAT again!
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Old 01-22-2009, 05:16 PM
 
Location: In my house
541 posts, read 981,927 times
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running in place,pushups and sit-ups,some say corporal punishment,it gets there attention,and,keeps them in shape,does not work for all,but most.When i had my neice and nephew for the weekend,they gor into it and were introduced to the finer art of running in place and pushups,now when they come over,sweetest little jokers you ever met now.
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Old 01-22-2009, 09:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cislga View Post
Lower your voice when your are angry. Do not raise it. There's a saying I can't remember what wise person said it first. "He who yells first has lost control." It's great to remember in any relationship.
This is great advice, and it really does work! When I'm not too upset myself (ie. I remember to lower my voice) this tactic really helps kids calm down when they are angry or sad, to the point that most of the time with my kids (6 & 7) they are able to rationally and calmly discuss things with me and find a resolution.

In my experience "punishments fitting the crimes" don't work so well. What works best for us is to take away privileges that they really will miss, like a day without any movies or tv, and to add additional days if they continue to misbehave. For ongoing major issues I've been able to eliminate them all by just sticking to one particular method (now all I have to deal with is whining, bickering, and not getting ready in time in the morning). I've always heard that it doesn't matter so much what methods you use, but that you stick to one or two methods over time, and in my experience that's definitely been the best advice.
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Old 01-23-2009, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
175 posts, read 740,486 times
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Every child is different and what works for one might not work for another - even in the same family.

I've had the kids write essays - on sharing, getting along, respect, whatever they've done wrong.

One of my sons was caught throwing erasers at a teacher in school. I made him write an apology letter to her, and hand deliver it (with me, of course) and apologize in person as well. That was on top of the punishment he received at school.

Not a punishment, but a lesson learned: My oldest son never read directions before doing, well, anything. When he failed a test solely because he didn't read the entire set of instructions, I knew I had to do something to teach him. So, I was making macaroni and meatballs for dinner one night. I handed him a plate of uncooked noodles, and he looked at it and asked how he was supposed to eat that. I exclaimed, "Oh! Maybe I should have read the directions on how to prepare it!"
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Old 08-16-2009, 06:43 PM
 
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Growing up in my house whenever we did something wrong our parents made us do physical stuff like we were in a boot camp.
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Old 08-16-2009, 07:07 PM
 
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First - I dont spank or hit. I think the only thing we have really used is time out or speaking with our children. We have not withheld toys, but if I think my child has lost control then he goes to his room until he is ready to discuss. I dont give in unless its a battle I should have chosen differently. I apologize when I am wrong and I teach my children to do the same - and change their behavior. I also do not expect my children to behave in a manner beyond their years and understand that they too have emotions and feelings they sometimes cannot control. My children have very different personalities and one takes little to no discipline - our displeasure usually upsets her to tears. The other - well - different story. Sticking to my principle of dignity and respect has worked and 10 and 6 years later they are all I expect and more. To those who say I have a long way to go - I do, but its my journey and I hope for the best because I did the best I could and stuck to my principles.
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Old 08-16-2009, 07:12 PM
 
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We are creative disapliners all the way. It is the timeout that has evolved the most. I once had someone tell me it was cruel but when I tell the story, I get some laughs. DD as a todller would spit on the wall in the corner I put her in and kick the wall. Finally after thinking about it, I decided to place her face down at the table so when she spit, her face would be in it. Sure enough, it took once or twice with her face not being allowed up and uncomfortably stuck in the spit before she quit. DS #1 came along and he litterally shook a chair apart in his time out and he kicked around in the corner so he was placed laying face down in the middle of the kitchen floor. When he kicked, it hurt him and he stopped doing it. So DS #2 comes along and NONE of it worked. He would always walk away with a little attitude and a defiant "Hmph.." Fortuneately for him, we are not into beating our children so we got a little more creative. Most of the time he gets a corner or face down on the floor depending on the issue but when he's really bad or defiant...mostly when he will not behave in another time out, he is on his knees with them spread apart and his arms above his head. He's only kept in that position for 30 seconds but if he acts up, his timeout restarts until he can sit there quietly for 30 seconds. Voila, he is transformed into an angel. It's rare we have to use that one but its handy when we do.
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Old 08-17-2009, 12:17 AM
 
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The creative discipline comes in when a parent tailors the discipline to fit the child and of course the motives.

There is no one size fits all. Some kids are sensitive and when they try to mouth off or so something they know they shouldn't do, a light swat on the rear end will shake them up and one or two of those is all it ever takes.

Some kids are become defiant with a spanking, they can calmly look back at and challenge you with "that didn't hurt" almost suggesting you keep trying until it does - those kids need another approach.

Some kids will listen to reason, but others won't. Some kids are born angelic almost, very easy to raise. Others go out of their way to test the limits and push against them.

Consistency is important, it cannot be okay to do something one time but later on the same thing gets a big reaction from the parents.

I think in a happy home there are certain rules that all must follow. No child is allowed to hit or physically hurt the others. No obscenities and certainly no vulgar words to describe others. Verbal and physical abuse are non-negotiable. Parents can allow name-calling and teasing however, play wrestling is okay. The parents must be respected -- but there can be teasing and kidding around.
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Old 08-17-2009, 01:40 AM
 
Location: in my mind
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Well it depends on age, but we have used sentence-writing, or essay writing as described elsewhere in this thread. It has worked well when they are older. It is always related to whatever the offense was.

We have also used the "hit 'em in the pocketbook" if one of the kids has done something either deliberately destructive, or has been wasteful out of carelessness and after having been told over and over. For example, my eldest had awesome long hair when he was in middle school and wanted to use my conditioner (which was expensive), but could never manage to get the lid back on. Several times I found the bottle lying sideways on the tub, empty. After warning him, it happened again, and he was forced to buy the next 2 bottles out of his own pocket, AND not allowed to use it!

This only worked because he had birthday money or lawn mowing money or whatever, but if he didn't have money I'd take it out in 'trade', through extra work around the house.

Same goes for sibling stuff. If you break your sibling's whatever, then you give up something of your own that is valuable, if the sibling will accept it. If not, you work to replace it. Just a basic "restitution" idea.

If my older child is being particularly heinous to his younger brother (which he's been known to do), then he'll take over his younger brother's chores for the week.

I don't like to rely too much on taking "stuff" away though, because eventually they get older and they don't care, and then what? I am considering myself lucky in that for the most part, a serious sit-down conversation is often enough to get them back on track. Especially if I approach them from the point of view of "your behavior causes ME more work" or "your behavior is causing ME stress and then I'm irritable with you" or simply "your behavior disappoints me and I feel sad when you don't seem to be reflecting or absorbing what I've tried to teach you all these years..". The teenager may get all angry and storm off at first, but within an hour he always comes out calm to talk about it and apologize, after he's had time to think it over.

One thing I've learned is you HAVE to mean what you say, even if it's very inconvenient for you to carry out the consequence. We had a situation where the youngest (six) was just really behaving horribly one day, all day. Mouthy and defiant and rude. We let her know that if she didn't turn it around ASAP (she could be in a bad mood all she wanted but we draw the line at name calling, hateful talk, outright defiance), she wouldn't go to the birthday party we'd all been invited to that afternoon for a friend's kids, and when she tested us, we left her with a sitter with absolute instructions that she was to basically sit and look at a book and not much more while we were gone. It can't always work out that way so we made sure before we "threatened" that we HAD a back up plan (we'd already talked to the sitter) in case she called our bluff, and sure enough she did! It was hard, she had really wanted to go and there were many tears and apologies when she realized we weren't kidding, but she'd been clearly warned... so she lost the privilege and we all went to the party without her. She knows we mean what we say.

I can't say too much more though because she's the one on which very little "works", so I'll be reading the thread with interest, looking for other ideas. She's our toughest!
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Old 06-18-2013, 05:08 PM
 
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I think the punishment should fit the crime. When my sisters were little, before I was born, my oldest sister hit my middle sister in the head with the reciever of a telephone. Her punishment for that was she had to carry that phone around for the next 24 hours. It was not to leave her hand. She had to carry it in her right hand, and as she was right handed, she was required to ask for help with pretty much everything. She didn't do it again. As for my kids, I've found that physical labor works wonders. It gives them time to think about their crime, and it wears them out physically, and by the end of it, they are truly repentant, and it takes a while before they repeat the action, if they do it again at all. Picking up rocks or sticks out of the yard, cleaning the house, washing walls, etc, have become acts of discipline in our house. But you have to match the punishment to the child. Some children respond to a spanking better than time out, while other children chafe in time out whereas they're back in action two seconds after the spanking is over. You have to know your child. Experiment.
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