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My husband has a young son from a previous marriage. He is a great father and sees his son 3x per week. My husband, his former wife, and I are all working crappy, dead-end, low-paying jobs. I'm trained in a highly specialized field, and without the option of relocating, it is unlikely that I will ever find work (other than what I am doing now.) I've had a couple of interviews in other parts of the country, and if an offer is made, I would really like to relocate. When I mentioned this to my husband, he said that he wouldn't be able to leave this area, because he couldn’t leave his son. He said I could take the job if I wanted to, but that we would have to live apart.
I understand the importance of keeping the parents together. But we're all working broom pushing jobs that we could do from anywhere. I'm not even sure why we're still here! Originally, we had talked about moving. Now, when I bring up relocation, the responses I get are "this just isn't a good time" or "it's too inconvenient." But we are just sitting here, wasting time, and wasting our lives!! I'm having a hard time accepting that I have to live here forever, work a job that I can't stand, and make $9 an hour. I hate the idea of leaving my husband. I know he is doing the right thing in standing by his child, but I feel like I will die if I stay here for one more day. If you were me, would you take a job elsewhere? Is there even one little corner of my mind where it's OK for me to wish that my husband would come with me?
You have to do what is right for you, but your husband has to do what is right for him and his child. What is the relationship of the bio parents? Is there a way you could entice the biomomma to move to an area that has better employment prospects? In my experience, children do better if they have both bioparents activelly involved in their lives. Plus, there is the financial aspect.... whatever extra income you do make, there will be a higher amount for child support paid out for an absent parent.
You have a hard decison to make. If you plan to do it for a long period of time I would advise you not to but if you think this might be short try it out & see. Be careful. yes you might have more money but will it be worth it? Just think thru this carefully. I wish you the best of luck.
I should add that this is not as much about the money as it is about doing something meaningful with my life. This career is something which I have spent my entire life working to achieve.
I should add that this is not as much about the money as it is about doing something meaningful with my life. This career is something which I have spent my entire life working to achieve.
then it comes back down to you have to do what's right for you and your husband has to do what is right for him AND his child.
I should add that this is not as much about the money as it is about doing something meaningful with my life. This career is something which I have spent my entire life working to achieve.
That's a tough one. As time goes on, you will feel more and more regretful of staying in a deadend job, especially since there are prospects somewhere else, resentment will build. On the other hand, how prepared are you to live apart from your husband?
How long have you been married? How established are you in the community? How old is your husband's son? How far away do you need to move to fulfill your career? What is the possibility of commuting? What was the understanding when you married about staying local?
When considering the whole picture, remember that your husband has a lot to lose as well; either you, or time with his son.
Maybe a compromise; stay there until the son can visit for the summers and breaks from school, then move together.
Good luck.
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