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That being said, my DSD is having severe anxieties. She is 8 yo. Dying is one of her irrational fears. DH & I are meeting with a counselor today to talk about getting her into counseling. This is something that has been going on since the fall. DSD has gotten where she doesn't want to sleep alone and will cry at the drop of a hat. Some of her anxieties we have figured out route for, but since we do not want to alienate her other parent, we are taking DSD to counseling to give her the tools to deal with her anxieties.
If you cannot answer her questions, then find someone who can.
you did not state in the OP that you were already receiving medical help.
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Originally Posted by stormy night
I think therapists are overrated. If we ran our kids to a therapist for everything it would line the therapists pockets and condemn the kids to a lifetime of self doubt and seeking therapy at every turn.
Almost everything can be taken care of in the home by a parent.
Almost every problem these days with kids, is a result of overtalking.
I like the spirit of practicality. Therapy has its place, but I don't think that routine childhood terrors fall under that jurisdiction. It may be true that ignoring a fear that virtually every human on earth somehow manages to deal with day in and day out will not make it go away, but the child will reach her own accord with or without therapy.
It may be true that ignoring a fear that virtually every human on earth somehow manages to deal with day in and day out will not make it go away, but the child will reach her own accord with or without therapy.
I had this fear as a child and still have it now. It's not near as big of a deal as it was when I was growing up but it's definitely something I think about sometimes and it scares the crap out of me.
I think a fear of death, to an extent, is actually healthy. It's part of what makes us human.
Hmmmm.... I agree and disagree with you. While I think that the OP shouldn't be harping on this and continue bringing it up, if the CHILD is still discussing it then I think that she is trying to work through her fears. Kids need to talk things over in order to help process them; I wouldn't be surprised if she incorporates it into her play as well.
The problem that I see with comparing this situation to being afraid of monsters and ghosts, it that this is a real life situation. As much as a child may FEAR that there are monsters under her bed, there just aren't. However, people, even people she is close to can die at any time. I think the OP does need to help her face these fears by discussing them, possibly reading about them, and maybe even seeking the help of a doctor, pastor, etc.
Good luck!
Thanks this is what I was trying to say . I guess I based my answers on my faith and know how I would handle it . I did not mean to offend anyone . I am a faith based person .
Hmmmm.... I agree and disagree with you. While I think that the OP shouldn't be harping on this and continue bringing it up, if the CHILD is still discussing it then I think that she is trying to work through her fears. Kids need to talk things over in order to help process them; I wouldn't be surprised if she incorporates it into her play as well.
If she does, it is her way of reconciling it to herself. If it isn't made a big issue with her mother, it will lose it's edge and she will move away from it because she will understand that it isn't something she needs to worry about.
Quote:
The problem that I see with comparing this situation to being afraid of monsters and ghosts, it that this is a real life situation. As much as a child may FEAR that there are monsters under her bed, there just aren't. However, people, even people she is close to can die at any time. I think the OP does need to help her face these fears by discussing them, possibly reading about them, and maybe even seeking the help of a doctor, pastor, etc.
Good luck!
To a 5 year old, there is little difference between monsters under her bed and death. She doesn't understand either concept, and the more it is talked about, the more confused she will become. I'm not saying she should be kept from speaking of it at all, but it should be dealt with, with minimal conversation and move on without dwelling on it.
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Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok
I had this fear as a child and still have it now. It's not near as big of a deal as it was when I was growing up but it's definitely something I think about sometimes and it scares the crap out of me.
I think a fear of death, to an extent, is actually healthy. It's part of what makes us human.
I had this fear as a child, an adolescent, a young adult and its much worse now as a parent. It isn't something that I cry about at night anymore and I sleep just fine. Dealing with it.
I had this fear as a child, an adolescent, a young adult and its much worse now as a parent. It isn't something that I cry about at night anymore and I sleep just fine. Dealing with it.
I'm sorry about that. When you say that it's worse as a parent, is your child(ren) dying what you fear most now? Or is it the fear of you dying because you wouldn't be able to care for them? Or is it just the fear of yourself dying (not relating to your kids)? You obviously don't have to answer if you don't want to and sorry if this question is too personal.
Interesting responses. So yesterday, it obviously came up again at the dinner table. So I said, ok, we've been talking about this a lot lately so I want you to tell me everything that's on your mind that's upsetting you and I am going to listen.... So she went on and on, but couldn't really organize her thoughts coherently. So I said, how about if you draw me a picture and then we can talk about it.... very interesting.... she sat for about 20 minutes and drew... she drew a bunch of boxes, sort of like a storyboard of why she's sad, she even numbered them:
1. grandma and grandpa leave (they visited us for 3 weeks recently)
2. me going out of kindergaten (she loves school as most kids do)
3. Auntie R dies (she never knew her, she just heard me talking about her)
4. me dying (she drew a picture of her laying in a bed dead!)
at the bottom she drew a big picture of herself with a sad face and tears and she wrote SAD!!
It broke my heart, I hugged her and we just moved on with the rest of the day. We'll see what happens tonight. We are Christians but not hugely practicing. I do really think that having faith does curb a lot of anxiety, but I think for someone so young, I'm not sure how that works. I think she almost just needs to sort it out in her head and know that we're listening to her.
I'm not saying that she should run to therapy, but if the fears continue and are bothersome AND the mom doesn't feel if she can handle it, she can talk to a counselor or a pastor, or another trusted adult to get some assistance.
It is not feeding into fears to respond to your child when THEY talk about the fears. I'm not saying that you bring it up, but you absolutely need to create an open relationship with your child so that they can feel comfortable discussing anything with you.
The poster who stated that they can just internalize it, is actually completely correct..... however, when they internalize it instead of expressing it (whether this is just feeling comfortable in talking about it), that is when you get into trouble and the fear can get worst/persist for even longer. Changing the subject, etc does NOT make the fears go away and just makes her realize that she can't talk to you. Which, will definitely make her fear worse! Now, you shouldn't bring it up to her, but you should let her talk about it openly when she wishes.
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