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If they live in my house they have to follow my rules. They can do whatever they want outside of my house. I have the right to decide what time I lock my house for the night. My home is not a company where the government is going to tell me how to run it.
Yup, your right, neither is an apartment complex, but they can't legally lock you out as long as your rent is current and you still have a contract.
Ideally, I'd want to have a guest house, furnished basement or garage or an extra room that has its own independent door. That way they could have their own locks and basically do what they want without really disturbing the household for the most part.
If your gonna lock out your 21+ yr old "tenants", don't be suprised if they think of a way to get inside anyway (like having a key or 3 made, leaving an unlikely window cracked open or unlocked for example). Or even changing the lock on one of the doors of the house that you rarely if ever use a key on (but thats extreme).
An oral contract is still a contract.
I'd get all the rules written down, have you both sign it, so there's an actual understanding (or contract) of the rules and what's expected. Another life lesson.
At 21, if I knew my parents were going to lock me out at X o'clock, I'd make sure I was home by then. Wait till they fell asleep and go back out again when the coast was clear (if your gonna treat someone like a teenager they are going to keep acting like one in this case). Especially if it was an independent room away from the main house like I described above, I'd make sure I left a window unlocked just in case someone locked me out anyway, though.
People will always find a way to do what they want if they are determined enough. Once mom and a dad are asleep, the curfew is over and I'm outta here. I'd just make sure I was back before they woke up in the morning, not that it should matter to them when you get home after your 21 yrs old.
I got those ideas from my cousin's kid, who used to regularly sneak out the basement windows at night and return in the morning. The parents didn't realize it until much later when the kid got sloppy (or overconfident) and got caught, but the kid was a teenager, so that is a different story altogether from a 21 yr old.
Yup, your right, neither is an apartment complex, but they can't legally lock you out as long as your rent is current and you still have a contract.
Ideally, I'd want to have a guest house, furnished basement or garage or an extra room that has its own independent door. That way they could have their own locks and basically do what they want without really disturbing the household for the most part.
If your gonna lock out your 21+ yr old "tenants", don't be suprised if they think of a way to get inside anyway (like having a key or 3 made, leaving an unlikely window cracked open or unlocked for example). Or even changing the lock on one of the doors of the house that you rarely if ever use a key on (but thats extreme).
An oral contract is still a contract.
I'd get all the rules written down, have you both sign it, so there's an actual understanding (or contract) of the rules and what's expected. Another life lesson.
At 21, if I knew my parents were going to lock me out at X o'clock, I'd make sure I was home by then. Wait till they fell asleep and go back out again when the coast was clear (if your gonna treat someone like a teenager they are going to keep acting like one in this case). Especially if it was an independent room away from the main house like I described above, I'd make sure I left a window unlocked just in case someone locked me out anyway, though.
People will always find a way to do what they want if they are determined enough. Once mom and a dad are asleep, the curfew is over and I'm outta here. I'd just make sure I was back before they woke up in the morning, not that it should matter to them when you get home after your 21 yrs old.
I got those ideas from my cousin's kid, who used to regularly sneak out the basement windows at night and return in the morning. The parents didn't realize it until much later when the kid got sloppy (or overconfident) and got caught, but the kid was a teenager, so that is a different story altogether from a 21 yr old.
I hope I raise my kids better than that. Again if they were doing anything like that they would have to move out.
I hope I raise my kids better than that. Again if they were doing anything like that they would have to move out.
Yep, me too.
But again, at 21, my parents would have let me have a key. I'd do the same respect for my kids. If they couldn't respect the others in the house, I'd probably talk to them about getting their own place so that they could let us old folks sleep
I wouldn't set a curfew. Personally I'd just talk to em like adults and ask/tell em that after 10:00pm they have to be quiet and make sure they lock up after they get in, otherwise their gonna have to go party or make a bunch of noise in their own place or somewhere away from our house.
I wouldn't give my adult children a reason to "sneak out" like some 17 yr old. I'd respect them as fellow adults and I'd hope to get that respect in return.
I didn't charge my kids anything-- even though one had a much-higher income than myself.
however, whether you do or not, there are two important points which parents in this situation have to communicate:
first, if your student is of-age, you're not "obligated" to provide him or her with a place to live or anything else-- it should be seen as a "gift" that you are doing/giving willingly;
and second, while a parent has no authority over an adult-aged son or daughter, you are in charge of your home-- if you don't want people running in and out at all hours of the night, or similar things that would disrupt your life, it's within your scope to state and enforce it.
But again, at 21, my parents would have let me have a key. I'd do the same respect for my kids. If they couldn't respect the others in the house, I'd probably talk to them about getting their own place so that they could let us old folks sleep
I wouldn't set a curfew. Personally I'd just talk to em like adults and ask/tell em that after 10:00pm they have to be quiet and make sure they lock up after they get in, otherwise their gonna have to go party or make a bunch of noise in their own place or somewhere away from our house.
I wouldn't give my adult children a reason to "sneak out" like some 17 yr old. I'd respect them as fellow adults and I'd hope to get that respect in return.
Jacky, my daughter is 17 and I call her a young adult for a reason! She is a teenager. We do not have the relationship of two adults. I am her mother, she is my child. She follows my rules.
Teenagers today are running wild because parents are not providing and following up with rules.
My kids will respect me more because they had rules they were expected to follow. How many teenagers grow up and say, "wow, I really respected my parents for letting me do whatever I wanted!" I think they are probably laughing at what their parents let them get away with or things they did their parents never knew about. Laughing yes, respect, no.
Jacky, my daughter is 17 and I call her a young adult for a reason! She is a teenager. We do not have the relationship of two adults. I am her mother, she is my child. She follows my rules.
Teenagers today are running wild because parents are not providing and following up with rules.
My kids will respect me more because they had rules they were expected to follow. How many teenagers grow up and say, "wow, I really respected my parents for letting me do whatever I wanted!" I think they are probably laughing at what their parents let them get away with or things they did their parents never knew about. Laughing yes, respect, no.
In the case of teenagers, I totally agree with you
Thats a different species from an actual adult 21+, which is what I'm mostly referring to
There was a time Kindergarten and Middle School were too far away in the future to worry about right now and before you knew it, that time came, was here and left and is now a part of the distant past, and as parents, we're trying to figure how that time went by so fast.
Teen years seem to slow down because we have so much to worry about as parents. They are still kids in adult bodies who are too big to physically control and a mind that wants to be independent and its scary.
Those years will pass in a blink too and soon it'll be you chasing after them wondering what they are up to, etc. It goes waaay too fast, although there's plenty of things I'm going to miss, there's also plenty of things I'm glad they outgrow or leave behind.
I'm not looking forward to my boys' teen years either. I got about 3 years left of innocence then boom, the puberty bomb. Yikes.
Its sad, but all I have left of my little kids are their physical size (for about a year) and their voices which will start changing in the next 2 years. Then puberty hits, and thier whole attitude changes and that sweet little kid you knew is gone. Makes me sad to even think about it. I know its just a new chapter in child raising, but I'll miss my little boys and that youthful innocence.
But again, at 21, my parents would have let me have a key. I'd do the same respect for my kids. If they couldn't respect the others in the house, I'd probably talk to them about getting their own place so that they could let us old folks sleep
I wouldn't set a curfew. Personally I'd just talk to em like adults and ask/tell em that after 10:00pm they have to be quiet and make sure they lock up after they get in, otherwise their gonna have to go party or make a bunch of noise in their own place or somewhere away from our house.
I wouldn't give my adult children a reason to "sneak out" like some 17 yr old. I'd respect them as fellow adults and I'd hope to get that respect in return.
Well see, I don't want room mates and I don't want to be a landlord so it might get a little tricky having the kids stay at home when they are adults. If they are adults they best find their own place to live instead of using my house as a hotel. If they still need me to support their sorry selves then they should still expect to follow house rules. Unless they are out working I'd expect them to be home at a reasonable time...if you have time to go out and party you have time to work an extra shift and afford your own place.
I think it all depends on the kid, if they are respectful and know that you are doing them a favor then no rent but if they think that you owe it to them then give them a dose of reality by making them pay rent.
I did not read all of the posts here so if this was mentioned before I apologize, but another novel idea is to charge them rent and put it in a seperate account that you can give back to them when they are ready to get their own place. I think we all know how great most people are at saving at that age!
I'd also have to agree if they are living with me they follow my rules. However they have to be age appropriate. Expecting a 20yr. old to be in by 11 P.M. is a little silly.
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