Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Find something that will motivate him. In the case of many teenage boys, it would be a driver's license.
In our state, when students apply for a permit they must bring a letter from the school showing they don't have more than five unexcused absences over a year. More than that, they are denied the permit.
Find something that will motivate him. In the case of many teenage boys, it would be a driver's license.
In our state, when students apply for a permit they must bring a letter from the school showing they don't have more than five unexcused absences over a year. More than that, they are denied the permit.
Yes....but at the same time, I think this needs a harsher response. This child has absolutely no respect for authority. It's far too big of a problem to suggest that it can simply be turned around with the promise of some "reward."
It seems like parents today do not want to deal with issues with their children. The easy way out is to kick them out of the house. I can't even fathom what my 16 year old son could do that I would even remotely think about kicking him out.
Teenagers make mistakes, they are immature and 16 is very young. They are growing and need parents' guidance, rules, and role modeling. Parents need to deal with them and their issues, no matter how tough it is. Turning your back, or running away will not help your child mature into a responsible adult. It's tough and may get tougher. You need to find support for your family.
Get some professional help, NOW! Start with the guidance counselor and pediatrician, they will give you resources to help. Teenage years are tough for parents, there always is something. Hang in there
After rereading this, I think he is severely depressed. That's likely why he is in therapy and on Lexapro. He seems to have an attitude where he simply doesn't care about anything. It may be more about that than about a lack of respect for authority.
Were there any changes in his life since the end of the 9th grade (when he was doing well in school)?
Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 03-24-2009 at 07:16 AM..
Firefly, does the high school allow students to come and go?
At our high school here, students have to go by a security card and show a dismissal pass.
If your school is set up like that, I would physically walk him into school, to his first class. If he's like most teens, he will not want you to do this. Once there, at least, he can't leave the campus. Doesn't mean he won't skip a class, but it will be a lot harder to be in school and not in class and not get caught.
Its going to be hard. I'd suggest some counseling as a parent, so that you can get some ideas of how to handle this situation. As parents, we can't physically DO anything, or we're in the wrong, at the same time its not right to just let them do whatever they want or we're "bad parents". I'd definitly get some professional advice for yourself.
My cousin had a similar problem. The kid had graduated early so he sat around bored all the time and acted like he could do whatever he wanted and say what he wanted. It got bad. No respect for himself or others. The parents basically asked the relatives for advice and an uncle and aunt were willing to take the boy and the kid was glad to get away from his parents, although they hadn't really done anything wrong. He just didn't want to have to follow any rules.
After awhile, the Uncle and Aunt couldn't take him anymore either. (same basic problem about rules. The kid wasn't getting it). They let him stay until he was 18 and cut him loose. He's going to have to learn how to grow up via the real world I guess. I'm not suggesting you do that. I'm just relaying how hard it is to handle and without getting physical with the kid, the only other option SEEMS like "get them out" or you have to leave yourself. So, I'd get some advice from someone somewhere who's trained in this area.
Kicking them out isn't the answer. It just creates different kinds of problems.
Firefly, does the high school allow students to come and go?
At our high school here, students have to go by a security card and show a dismissal pass.
If your school is set up like that, I would physically walk him into school, to his first class. If he's like most teens, he will not want you to do this. Once there, at least, he can't leave the campus. Doesn't mean he won't skip a class, but it will be a lot harder to be in school and not in class and not get caught.
You'd be surprised at how "open" some high school campuses are.
To the OP....truancy is the first step to endless problems later on. It needs to be dealt with harshly and made "not an option" at all.
The truancy combined with the depression sends so many red flags to me that he is headed down the wrong path. Kicking him out with him dealing with the depression, in addition to the legal issues, could result in very, very severe consequences for him. If you care about your son at all, I don't think you want that.
I'd arrange to meet with a variety of people:
1. His guidance counselor
2. Every single one of his teachers
3. His friends' parents
4. The school truancy officer, if there is one
5. The school principal or assistant principal
6. His therapist
7. Whoever is prescribing his medication
8. A juvenile probation officer
Please feel free to DM me if you want some further guidance. This is coming from someone who has experience dealing with truant kids and who was a truant himself.
After rereading this, I think he is severely depressed. That's likely why he is in therapy and on Lexapro. He seems to have an attitude where he simply doesn't care about anything. It may be more about that than about a lack of respect for authority.
Were there any changes in his life since the end of the 9th grade (when he was doing well in school)?
Motivation doesn't work. I offered him $100 if he brought his gpa up this 9wks to atleast a 3.0. Albeit was only 3wks ago when I thought of the offer, and last Friday was the last day of this 9wks. He could have done it, but didn't really try. Even though he wants $ of course. That wasn't enough of a motivator, obviously. What teen would turn down $100?
His learners permit has been taken away now for ~6mos, by me....due to irresponsibility. I will not let him ever drive our car and am fearful if we continue on and let him get his real DL, he'll drive someone elses car and have an horrific accident. We even haven't let him 'practice' anymore since his license was taken away so he doesn't even really know how to drive and right now, that is a good thing.
He smokes mj. I know, it's awful. It's been ongoing for 2yrs on and off. I have called and looked into EVERY AVENUE out there, scoured the yellow pages, searched the internet, read books. I've begged him. We had a family intervention of some sorts one time. He is even in counseling of which he doesn't even want to go to....he says he likes smoking, does the old argument 'it should be legal, alcohol kills but mj doesn't', and says he will not stop. I have been told and have read over and over in different books, articles etc that nothing will help, unless he has the desire to stop.
He is 16 and in school, there are times before and after school where he can smoke. He sneaks out his window, if grounded. We put a lock on it, he broke it. I can't follow him 24/7 to make sure he doesn't 'take a puff'-which only takes about 2 minutes. Hence, what to do?
He is prescribed Lexapro-reason because he admitted he felt down a lot. That was 8mos ago. Now, this past week, he is refusing to take it. He says he doesn't need it. What do I do? Cram it down his throat? He is bigger than I and very strong. He has an anger problem and since I am his authority, his most problem is with me. He cannot be provoked or he will become physical.
One day he got very loud, mouthy and semi-violent here....my husband got in his face (his stepdad) and he initiated a physical situation with husband. Now, my husband is 6'4" and twice sons weight-my son was able to get husband down to the ground. Husband had just had a back surgery 2wks prior!
His counseling session is tomorrow. He now only goes every other week, that was the counselors suggestion since my son had been refusing to be home when it was literally time to leave for his last 2 weekly appts...so we missed them at the last second. I'd call him and say, 'where are you? we have to leave now and you're not here!' he'd say 'I'm not going today and you don't know where I am' (when I'd threaten to come physically get him for the appt) And he completely was told the day and for days before, about these appts, and I often reminded him, 'make sure you're home on time for your appt tomorrow, we have to leave by --'. He'd just pacify me all while knowing he wasn't going to show at the last minute.
As you can see, he's very manipulative. Incorrigible.
And, I am in a very difficult situation. His dad is basically useless. He's always wrapped up in his own drama and problems.....so, I have stopped calling him for help/assistance. He's the one person that my son will obey-some of the time.
So, now maybe you can kind of see why I mentioned kicking him out. After the last nights posts about truancy and how I can't kick him out...I re-thought and you're right. He is a minor. But, I printed out the truancy paper and called him, told him to come home. He said he was at a friends in the neighborhood and was sleeping the night. I left it at that for now.
I will not threaten to kick him out anymore. But, I just don't know what else to do with this kid. Should I just stop even inquiring about his skipping and let him suffer the ramifications of his own actions-which he knows are wrong??? (it's not like he's 5.....he completely knows every wrong thing that he's doing, but still continues)
Just so you know a timeframe of how long this has been ongoing, it's been 3 LONG yrs. I'm tired. And, have no more tears left to cry.
You'd be surprised at how "open" some high school campuses are.
Please, what a joke that is. Let me provide a link to a high profile lawsuit from a few yrs back to give a little insight into the HS lack of control over skipping:
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Husband had just had a back surgery 2wks prior! 
