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I've been divorced for over a year (separated over three). We share joint custody of our three children (7,9,16) but the way things have worked out they've been with me full time since 06. I have been dating my gf for about two months. She is a single mom of a girl (8). We have very diferent parenting styles. I use the "love and logic" technic (most of the time), and she is an "on your face" type of mom with her daughter. My son is the youngest of my three. From day one they didn't click, and she tells me all the time that I favor him, even though I treat all my children the same. I believe this is because he is the more "outspoken" of the three. Her daughter is an "angel" all the time; however, mom's thumb is always on the child. For my children I believe in choices and consequences. She says I make no sence whe it comes to parenting, and that I'm just in denial. Is there a happy medium to all this?
Get out of the relationship now. Unless you two see eye-to-eye on parenting styles there's really no point to continue matters. Girlfriends come and go. A child is yours forever.
I had neighbors that had this weird dynamic with their children, both girls from previous marriages.
Woman had a daughter, about 4 that she spoiled rotten and was a bit of a brat.
Man had a daughter, 5, from a previous marriage that only visited occasionally.
Man thought woman was too easy on her daughter, and to compensate was a little hard on her (kinda strict with the daughter)
Woman thought man was being too hard on her own daughter, so when HIS daughter showed up, she was hard on HER (while still being sickeningly sweet to her own.)
These people had issues. The guy pegged the wife right, she WAS spoiling the kid, but his compensating for the spoiling was just making the wife bitter and resentful towards HIS daughter (who really was a pretty good kid but this woman just referred to her like she was a brat)
It was a messed up situation where neither of the adults could see what the heck was going on.
IMO, you should really take a look at your situation to determine whether you are favoring your son, and then really, move on.
It's never going to be perfect, a blended family, but you don't need this.
In the event that you are not favoring your son, this woman could really plant the seeds into your OTHER two kids heads that you ARE favoring him, and you could find yourself with a bigger problem than only your girlfriend thinking you favor......
You are already allowing her to become involved in parenting issues when you've been dating for 2 months? That was your first mistake.
Actually, you probably shouldn't have even met each other's children after only dating for 2 months. CPG said it perfectly...."girlfriends come and go, a child is yours forever."
Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 03-30-2009 at 08:30 AM..
Having married a man when i had a child myself, I didn't even allow him to meet my child until after i had been seeing him about 3 months. He wasn't allowed to discipline him until we were engaged, before that it was solely my job.
But I agree that if you both parent VERY differently, it would be hard in the long run to parent together when you dont see eye to eye.
I would find a new GF and in the future try getting to know them for awhile longer before even bringing your kids into it. Nothing is worse for children then seeing all mom or dads significant others come and go all the time.
You are already allowing her to become involved in parenting issues when you've been dating for 2 months? That was your first mistake.
Actually, you probably shouldn't have even met each other's children after only dating for 2 months. CPG said it perfectly...."girlfriends come and go, a child is yours forever."
You are already allowing her to become involved in parenting issues when you've been dating for 2 months? That was your first mistake.
Actually, you probably shouldn't have even met each other's children after only dating for 2 months. CPG said it perfectly...."girlfriends come and go, a child is yours forever."
This is a no win situation because you both have children. Your parenting styles are so different and I have to say, I do prefer yours. Have you ever known a parent yet who won't take their own kids "side" in any given situation? Unless their own child is totally wrong in a situation, the parent of that child is not going to bend.
I have found in parenting my own son the less I was "in his face" and the more I talked things over with him using logic and love the better off I was. I am not saying that I didn't have to bring the "hammer down" on him from time to time...I did, but for the most part, he would sit and listen to me. Kids react so much better when you are not in their face yelling or ontop of them wanting to know their every move. They like to discuss and talk about what they are doing and they have to feel confident as they get older that they can come to you with anything they might have on their mind.
Unless you can reach a mutual agreement with these kids then you are going to end up agreeing to disagree which might mean this relationship will end as you will grow weary of her overbearing child rearing method. By the way...remember...not a good move to criticize ANYONE about how they raise their kids...very sore spot with all parents.
I must say that I too agree with the other posters who say that you should end this relationship.
However if you and her are both deeply in love and really want to make this relationship work, then why don't the two of you take some parenting classes together. I personally liked the parenting classes that are based on Dr. Kevin Leman's techniques. He has a great book out called Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.
By taking the same parenting classes together then both of you will more likely be on the same page when it comes to parenting and then niether of you will have anything to complain about or resent. Children fair much better when both parents are harmonious in the way they parent.
I've been divorced for over a year (separated over three). We share joint custody of our three children (7,9,16) but the way things have worked out they've been with me full time since 06. I have been dating my gf for about two months. She is a single mom of a girl (8). We have very diferent parenting styles. I use the "love and logic" technic (most of the time), and she is an "on your face" type of mom with her daughter. My son is the youngest of my three. From day one they didn't click, and she tells me all the time that I favor him, even though I treat all my children the same. I believe this is because he is the more "outspoken" of the three. Her daughter is an "angel" all the time; however, mom's thumb is always on the child. For my children I believe in choices and consequences. She says I make no sence whe it comes to parenting, and that I'm just in denial. Is there a happy medium to all this?
Give her up and look for another girlfriend - seriously. This will not get any better with time and will cause too much stress on your kid (s) when you are dealing with an "in your face" kind of person. Just FYI, you are SUPPOSED to favor your children over your friends.
Okay there is two sides to every story . Maybe he cannot see that he is being a permissive parent and she can . There is nothing wrong with two different parenting styles it happens . I myself did have a thumb on my kids too and they have never been in trouble with the law , done well for themselves they are both proffesional men now . Just two different styles. Not saying one is better than the other one maybe family counseling is in order . People are so quick to tell people to break up these days . Good luck .
It's been 2 MONTHS for crying outloud - this girlfriend is not worth the drama. He needs to cut his losses NOW and protect his child.
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Girlfriend thinks I favor my son
