Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think there's a bit of a false argument brewing here.
I think when posters are saying that they put the marriage first, what they mean is that in order to put the whole family first (kids included) the marriage has to be healthy, so that's the foundation of everything else. And same thing with the gym trips or whatever. You have to be healthy in order to take good care of your kids.
So I think that is getting mixed up with the OP's original concern that he is observing these parents being truly selfish by 'outsourcing" their kid time to have excessive fun time for themselves.
Sad but true. I run a day care and I have had quite a few of those. Some actually run in to grab their children and give them a hug and make them feel as they are the only ones in the world. Then you have some that cannot even get off their cell phones while telling the child to hurry up. Kids cannot wait until they see their parent/parents at the end of the day and that is so very sad to me.OR they (the parent)will take a day off for extra pampering to themselves instead of actually spending a day with the child as an extra special day.
It truly is an all about me world.
I do not see these people as important as they think they are.
I think there's a bit of a false argument brewing here.
I think when posters are saying that they put the marriage first, what they mean is that in order to put the whole family first (kids included) the marriage has to be healthy, so that's the foundation of everything else. And same thing with the gym trips or whatever. You have to be healthy in order to take good care of your kids.
So I think that is getting mixed up with the OP's original concern that he is observing these parents being truly selfish by 'outsourcing" their kid time to have excessive fun time for themselves.
Thank you!
I was trying to figure out how a question about if we knew any selfish parents got turned into people getting defensive about their parenting skills.
It's so hard not to be judgmental... maybe he's actually a good dad? Maybe the side you see at work isn't the way he is all the time. You might hear him talking and making plans all the time at work because when he is home, he focuses on his family? I dunno... who knows... but I do know that it's hard to know what kind of parent a person is when you're not in their shoes all day. It just sounds like this guy maybe is still earning to balance parenting with having a personal life as well as spending time on his other relationships. It's a tricky thing to do.
SAHD here and considers himself quite normal. Wife works and travels alot. I'm home doing errands and chores. Before and after school are my busiest parts of the day caring for the boys and being the chef, chauffeur, etc for them.
I feel no resentment towards my wife as she is busting her tail everyday earning the money. We each chose our roles, so there's nothing to be upset about. We spend time together when we can. You can't do much together anyways wher your pooped out
This gender role thing really needs to get up to the current times. SAHDs and women in the workforce aren't that uncommon anymore.
So I should have said SAHP. Would your wife be OK if you were so deeply involved with activities with your kids that you had 0 time for her when she came home? If she came home to a house that was buried in laundry because you washed it but didn't take the time to fold it and put it away, so you lived off the couch, LITERALLY?? If you didn't clean house or cook EVER because you were to busy planning meetings and what you will be doing at all these other activities? Don't get me wrong I am involved with my daughter's Girl Scouts. I am the worst to volunteer in the world for GS, for my daughters, but I limit myself and my girls other activities (even though they do tae kwon do, I attend that WITH hubby).
I think time as a family just relaxing is very important. Cooking together, eating, hanging out. I think it is important to have a certain amount of alone time and since my kids are in school I consider that time my alone time. Hubby gets some when we go to scouts, he is home alone and watches movies or whatever.
I think we are beating a dead horse here. We could discuss this all week long and come up with as many different ways to define what is acceptable to our families. If it works for your family, do it.
So I should have said SAHP. Would your wife be OK if you were so deeply involved with activities with your kids that you had 0 time for her when she came home? If she came home to a house that was buried in laundry because you washed it but didn't take the time to fold it and put it away, so you lived off the couch, LITERALLY?? If you didn't clean house or cook EVER because you were to busy planning meetings and what you will be doing at all these other activities? Don't get me wrong I am involved with my daughter's Girl Scouts. I am the worst to volunteer in the world for GS, for my daughters, but I limit myself and my girls other activities (even though they do tae kwon do, I attend that WITH hubby).
I think time as a family just relaxing is very important. Cooking together, eating, hanging out. I think it is important to have a certain amount of alone time and since my kids are in school I consider that time my alone time. Hubby gets some when we go to scouts, he is home alone and watches movies or whatever.
I think we are beating a dead horse here. We could discuss this all week long and come up with as many different ways to define what is acceptable to our families. If it works for your family, do it.
Wait a minute.... I'm supposed to ber folding and putting away the laundry after I dump it onthe couch?! LOL!
When I said stranger, I meant someone who is not family or very well known. I wouldn't hire a kid to babysit my kids.
Well who hires someone who isn't well known to babysit their kids? What are you thinking? My son is more mature than lots of 40 year old men when it comes to babysitting. He has taken the Red Cross class and has lots of experience coaching football and lacrosse. If you wouldn't hire him, that's fine but he is not a stranger to the kids he babysits.
I agree it is none of my business. However, when he is constantly on the phone talking loudly about it, well, it becomes my business. When he explicity tells me one-on-one about what he does it becomes my business.
As for the connection to being a Christian, well, is it not un-Christian to put yourself before your kids? That, and he constantly talks about what type of people shouldn't be parents. He's the type of hypocritical Johnny Church-Goer who doesn't practice what he preaches (incessently).
I don't know what's un Christian as I am not Christian myself. I don't see that making sure you are happy is necessarily a sin. Your kids really should not come first all the time. Putting them on a pedestal and catering to their every whim is the way to raise spoiled adults. I consider myself a very good parent but you know what-I take time for myself EVERY DAY.
Well who hires someone who isn't well known to babysit their kids? What are you thinking? My son is more mature than lots of 40 year old men when it comes to babysitting. He has taken the Red Cross class and has lots of experience coaching football and lacrosse. If you wouldn't hire him, that's fine but he is not a stranger to the kids he babysits.
When my dd was 2, I decided to start watching one kid so she had a playmate. The mom came to visit me saw my house and hired me to care for her son full time. I had no license. No references. I wasn't CPR certified. She didn't even ask to see my id. I was a stranger. So people do leave their kids with strangers.
When my dd was 2, I decided to start watching one kid so she had a playmate. The mom came to visit me saw my house and hired me to care for her son full time. I had no license. No references. I wasn't CPR certified. She didn't even ask to see my id. I was a stranger. So people do leave their kids with strangers.
Most people don't.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
~
