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As we read through the replies they were amazed that people would recommend his Xbox, that he bought himself, should be sold. One boy said now that would be stealing!
They and your 20 something kids sound just like my 17 year old nephew.
Now that he's stolen from every he knows and is living on the streets (we kicked him out ourselves after 3 months, just 6 weeks ago), I wonder if he has a different perspective. I don't know though... he has taken enough from me and my kids.
Apparently, no one taught him that eating $500 worth of GS cookies and hiding the boxes was stealing from us (we had to reimburse the troop). And he was hungry and the only money he could find in the house was in the kid's vacation bank... didn't we tell HIM he was one of our kid's? So the $$ was HIS too. And we said he couldn't smoke CIGARETTES in the house... we never said ANYTHING about CIGARS. And I told him not to use the kid's computer for porn (which he did anyway) but never said anything about ordering it ON DEMAND. And we said he could watch order ON DEMAND movies if he paid for them, but he spent all his $$ on his new cell phone and can't afford to pay the $115 this month... how is THAT stealing?
All in all, over $1500 stolen from us in 3 months time. His bank account was more than $700 overdrawn by the time he left too... he doesn't consider that theft either. After all, he still had CHECKS.
17 yr old known offender is far different than a 10 yr old child.....
None of my kids have ever been into any kind of trouble. Not even to the Principal's office. My 27 yr old and my 22 yr old are both teachers actually. My 5th grader is a top student academically as well as extremely well behaved. My kindergartener is following the same straight path as the older ones as well.
I see no comparison at all.
The comparison is that their outlook on stealing is the same. It's okay for kids to take without permission, but for a parent to seek reimbursement is stealing. Same thought pattern.
Heh thanks for the warning. I'll keep my flame-proof suit at the ready .
Try to let things roll off your back. They're just opinions anyway. I had no idea people can be so rude (probably because they're not talking to your face)...but found out when I dared say I wasn't a fad of Adam's on American Idol. You'd think I was advocating for killing seal pups.
I've been reading parts of this to my dh and he just pointed out that my nephew never took what wasn't in the home he was living in, right in front of his face. He didn't see ANY of it as stealing.
So how is he any different? What makes HIM an "offender"? It seems you are contradicting yourself. Either stealing from your parents (or guardians) is theft or it isn't.
And it started when he was 8. It was ignored (and excused) for years. Until his stepdad finally had enough. Then didn't warn his biodad and sent him there. Who excused it for years. And then 2 sets of grandparents, a family friend, his uncle and then us. None of us were warned by the folks who had him previously. Everything was "he just needs more than we can give him".
My dh and I took a stand... and that is when everything came out. Now they're all busy blaming each other (and us). Nothing is HIS fault. How DARE we ask him to pay it all back?!
The comparison is that their outlook on stealing is the same. It's okay for kids to take without permission, but for a parent to seek reimbursement is stealing. Same thought pattern.
Apparently what I'm writing is not what is being read......no one thinks it was ok for the boy to do what he did and that indeed he should be working off the amount spent and privileges suspended, as I've stated numerous times.
The difference is that my kids seem to understand that this child, as the actual mom even stated, didn't understand how it worked so the thing he did wrong was doing something without permission. This particular incident just happened to involve money in a way he should now be taught to understand.
My kids outlook is certainly NOT that stealing is ok, but instead that stealing is NOT the issue here but instead a child doing something he shouldn't have done. Period.
Okay... perhaps I'm being overly sensitive due to the situation I've had with my nephew in the recent past.
I certainly agree with MANY of your past posts and believe we're generally on the same side. That said, I'm probably just misreading all of this.
I'm not sure if I've posted this before, but last fall (before the nephew moved in) a $100 bill went missing. Someone gave it to us as a thank you. We intended to bring it to church and put it on a high shelf instead of my purse where I might spend it without thinking.
It disappeared. The kids (6 & 8 at the time) were in school. We searched and found it in my ds's (8) treasure chest. We left it there and asked when they got home if either had seen it. My ds said yes right away and told us he wanted to collect $100 bills. (Yeah, us too! )
We explained that it was money and as he knew it wasn't his, keeping it was akin to stealing it. He brought up the $10s and $20s I find all the time. He's right. I have a penchant for finding cash on the street. I don't always donate it to church. Many times, I keep it. We then explained that any $$ found in the house most likely belongs to me or Daddy and he should return it and/or ask us right away. I agreed to donate ALL cash I find from now on.
So, I'm not perfect either. But I do think that this child (and this parent) need to do something MORE than just talking at this point... it wasn't a first time offense. That's where I'm coming from.
I've been reading parts of this to my dh and he just pointed out that my nephew never took what wasn't in the home he was living in, right in front of his face. He didn't see ANY of it as stealing.
So how is he any different? What makes HIM an "offender"? It seems you are contradicting yourself. Either stealing from your parents (or guardians) is theft or it isn't.
And it started when he was 8. It was ignored (and excused) for years. Until his stepdad finally had enough. Then didn't warn his biodad and sent him there. Who excused it for years. And then 2 sets of grandparents, a family friend, his uncle and then us. None of us were warned by the folks who had him previously. Everything was "he just needs more than we can give him".
My dh and I took a stand... and that is when everything came out. Now they're all busy blaming each other (and us). Nothing is HIS fault. How DARE we ask him to pay it all back?!
A 17 yr old young man who has been kicked out of his own home, 2 sets of grandparents, a family friends and his uncle before being allowed in your house is a known offender.
A 17 yr old young man who has been kicked out of his own home, 2 sets of grandparents, a family friends and his uncle before being allowed in your house is a known offender.
That's not even close to the OP's issue....
I disagree... he was not BORN 17. The thefts began at age 8... they weren't treated as such and escalated. We were not aware of his previous thefts... again, things that your children, you and their friends all wouldn't have thought of as stealing, according to your posts.
And as far as "known offender"... all we knew was that he was supposedly violent. He SWORE he wasn't. We told him the first time would be the last time and I WOULD call 911.
He never raised his voice in those 3 months. Not once. He stole from us and the kids, but he never even raised his voice, much less got violent.
I was told he was "disrespectful to women". He was calmly disrespectful (yeah, I know stealing is disrespectful, but some don't even consider it stealing, so don't go there) to me ONCE... the day we told him he needed to make amends or leave.
... It looks like your kids are developing responsible habits, so I'd continue. As they get older, you should give them more decision making responsibilities.
I think that is the hard part - the gradual loosening of the reins. Its a complicated dance when each child has different skills and maturity levels at different ages. My 7 year old could probably cook breakfast while my 10 year old might walk away from the stove and end up reading a book wondering what the horrible burning smell was.
I just remember not even being allowed into the refrigerator and the trouble I would have been in for going into my parents' bedroom without being invited....
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