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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Public_Newsense
Do you have kids? Read my post above yours.
You're kidding, right?
Sorry I kinda rushed past some of the 6 pages...of course there are always exceptions, but as I kid I would be peeved if my mum read my diary for no good reason (not that I ever kept one! lol).
And the second point, yes, I am, as long as we're talking 16+ year olds, obviously not 10 year olds or something. What if they had a secret lover or were secretly gambling away the savings...why aren't the kids entitled to do that?
John Rosemond has some wonderful books on this topic. The way we handled it with all our kids was to hold weekly family meetings. We used the meetings to thank them for the good things they were doing, gave them feedback on things we'd like to see changed, had them report in on school projects, set the weekly schedule, and used it to set and remind them of family policies.
Our main policy on privacy was that internet, phone usage, and texting were open books -- not just to us, but also to anyone who had a good detective. We showed them when they were a little older, how easy it was to find out everything they texted and emailed. We also monitor their Myspace and Facebook accounts. Anything inappropriate and we cancel their accounts. IMHO - somebody's got to be the grownup. Heck, a 13 year old is only 4,750 days old.
If you don't teach your kids responsibility and accountability when they are pre-teens, you're in a world of hurt when they are 16-18.
We were open about the privacy issue. We asked for a certain amount of privacy for ourselves, and as they got older, gave them more privacy in their rooms and communication. They knew it was built on trust and they could lose it if they abused it.
I agree that it should be set policy that there's no expectation of complete privacy from the parent on a cell phone for a minor. It should be a condition of getting the phone, and a parent should demand it at random times to review the conversations. If it's a set time, then they can delete messages very easily, but when it's unpredictable there's an ability to get more of a pattern of communications that are happening over the phone.
All it takes is one check and the knowledge that there could be more for a kid to start deleting questionable texts as they come in.
It seems backwards to me. If your kids know you have access to their email, chat, texts and voice mail, they are going to see to it that you see only what they want you to see. It is foolish to think that this will prevent them from doing what they want. They'll simply find another way.
If you really want to know what they are doing, they can't know that you are monitoring them.
Prevention begins with communication, respect and trust. "Because I said so." "Because you live under my roof." doesn't encourage open communication. This is not just about us trusting them. They must also be able to trust and respect us enough to WANT to come to us to help them make the right decisions.
John Rosemond has some wonderful books on this topic. The way we handled it with all our kids was to hold weekly family meetings. We used the meetings to thank them for the good things they were doing, gave them feedback on things we'd like to see changed, had them report in on school projects, set the weekly schedule, and used it to set and remind them of family policies.
Our main policy on privacy was that internet, phone usage, and texting were open books -- not just to us, but also to anyone who had a good detective. We showed them when they were a little older, how easy it was to find out everything they texted and emailed. We also monitor their Myspace and Facebook accounts. Anything inappropriate and we cancel their accounts. IMHO - somebody's got to be the grownup. Heck, a 13 year old is only 4,750 days old.
If you don't teach your kids responsibility and accountability when they are pre-teens, you're in a world of hurt when they are 16-18.
We were open about the privacy issue. We asked for a certain amount of privacy for ourselves, and as they got older, gave them more privacy in their rooms and communication. They knew it was built on trust and they could lose it if they abused it.
Just thought I'd start a poll on this one. As you know, I do read my dd's text and IM messages. She knows it too. She's required to give me all of her passwords and in deep trouble if she changes one to something I don't know. This world is just to dangerous a place and the internet too easy a place for preditors to find a child or to get in with the wrong crowd (Just look at me and the crowd here, )
Do you think a 13 year old is entitled to privacy? Should parents read text/IM messages?
I don't think a 13 year old should be texting period. I never cease to be amazed why we think that this is a neccessity today. My son is 16, and just got a cell phone a few months ago when he got his learners permit. I won't pay for unlimited texting because I think it's a waste of a child's time and brainpower to have their fingers attached to the keys of a phone...and that is exactly what happens with most kids. If you insist on her having a phone, for gosh sakes, turn off the texting until she is old enough to be responsible about it.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by R_Cowgirl
John Rosemond has some wonderful books on this topic. The way we handled it with all our kids was to hold weekly family meetings. We used the meetings to thank them for the good things they were doing, gave them feedback on things we'd like to see changed, had them report in on school projects, set the weekly schedule, and used it to set and remind them of family policies.
Our main policy on privacy was that internet, phone usage, and texting were open books -- not just to us, but also to anyone who had a good detective. We showed them when they were a little older, how easy it was to find out everything they texted and emailed. We also monitor their Myspace and Facebook accounts. Anything inappropriate and we cancel their accounts. IMHO - somebody's got to be the grownup. Heck, a 13 year old is only 4,750 days old.
If you don't teach your kids responsibility and accountability when they are pre-teens, you're in a world of hurt when they are 16-18.
We were open about the privacy issue. We asked for a certain amount of privacy for ourselves, and as they got older, gave them more privacy in their rooms and communication. They knew it was built on trust and they could lose it if they abused it.
I love responsible parenting. But don't let the fact that you think yourself a sharp, diligent parent allow you to let your guard down.
Minus the internet, cell phones and texting (because we didn't have those then) this sounds like what we grew up with, not to mention the occasional iron rod which, if received, was warranted. But while we were agreeable and seemingly conformed outwardly, we laughed behind our parents backs at their silly meetings and rules, thought they were dorks and did everything but what they thought when we were out of their sight. We knew how to play the system. Like Bill Cosby used to tell his kids--Do what you have to so you can do what you want to--we did that alright, but twisted it to fit our crafty little minds; it was almost a challenge to do so just to see if we could get away with something. It's not a matter of not being taught responsibility because we were. It's almost a right of passage growing up to resist your parents teachings, to rebel, to do just the opposite of what they say to show yourself and them that you're smarter than they give you credit for. After all, you're a teen, you're probably smarter than your parents (weren't we all? if only they could've seen that it would've saved them a lot of trouble LOL) and you're trying to be yourself, not someone your parents want you to be. Sure, we could turn on the responsibility act and implement it when it served our purposes, but that was survival mode so we could fly in and out under the radar. We were young and had a healthy lust and curiosity for life. Stringent rules stifled that. That wasn't because we were 'bad kids' or the fault of our caring parents, it's just blood pulsing through our crazy, teenage hormone riddled veins.
All I'm saying is never ever forget what it's like to be a kid and how you thought. That, alone, can keep you on your toes as a parent. Not only can it keep you in tune with your kids but it can help keep you young in many ways. Once you start forgetting what it was like to be a kid, you're getting old and probably out of touch with them.
I'm happy to stumble upon this thread. My dd is 14 and a freshman this year. I have recently started to read her texts occassionally just to check up on her and make sure all is still the way I hope it it,lol...she's a good girl, doesn't give me reason to distrust her, but she is in high school now and clearly a teenager, has changed so much from the little girl that was in middle school last year. I always heard that you shouldn't snoop unless your child gives you reason to, but then my feeling on that is that by then it's too late isn't it? I want to be ahead of the game and open conversation up if I see something that isn't right in her texts.
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Set the parameters early and be consistent
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