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Old 04-16-2009, 07:12 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,309,552 times
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I moved out in April my senior year. I had friends parents asking me to leave and come live with them as young as 15. My mother and I both worked for a place the pervious summer and at the end of the season party, a woman, after drinking a little too much, started telling me that if I ever wanted to run away, I could come live with her, along with a few other things that made my mother livid, in front of my mom! I got it when I got home.

Quote:
…but sounds like SHE WANTS YOU TO STAY
It depends completely on circumstances. My parents wanted me to stay as well, so they said, and told me they'd send me to juvie if I dared move out before 18 and have anyone who helped me arrested. My mother once told me that she was contemplating home schooling so that I could be home to care for my brothers because they were trying her down. She wanted to hang out with her friends and go “galloping across the countryside“ as she put it . My parents were really controlling and abusive. Finally, after I turned 18, they told me I was an adult now and they wouldn’t be so restricting. Two weeks later, they were piling the one or two chores my siblings had on top of all the ones I already had. They freaked out once when I was doing homework and shut off the electric to my room because I was not in bed by 10 pm. They claimed that I was disturbing my siblings who needed their sleep, however, neither were in bed and I was stuck in the dark listening to one play video games and the other playing music with the bedroom light still on. I tried to talk to my parents to tell them that I was falling behind in every class because I had no time to do the homework and that I had cut track to try and get it done. I said I was starting to feel like I was being taken advantage of. They told me, unless I was prepared to start paying rent, I had to keep being pretty much their slave. Plus they would never allowed me to get my drivers license so I couldn’t just drive off either. As for the homework, they told me not to bring it home, to get it done in school. I also got slapped across the face for daring to stand up for myself. Yup, I moved with in 48 hours, took everything with me and never went back. I will be forever grateful to my friends mom who took me in for more than four months until I got on my feet. I never thought I knew it all when I was 18. I just worked my butt off to make things work. But then again I had spent the last 6 years raising two kids (my brothers) and having all the responsibilities of an adult except paying the bills so I was more than ready to take on the real world.

There are resources for students who need help. I would go to your school counselor and see if they can help you. Many hospitals also have programs that could help.

Quote:
That job you have probably wouldn't even begin to cover living expenses. Wait until you graduate and you can work more hours at your job and/or get a better job. Then, move out.
Again, there are resources. Talk to your friends and your friends parents to see if they have any ideas that could help you. Maybe you could arrange to pay maybe a small fee to rent a room from someone you know. There are a TON of options out there, if you feel strongly enough about it.

I don’t know what you are going through right now but I can relate to wanting to move out. Be careful and remember not to hurt anyone that is helping you along the way.
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Old 04-16-2009, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,975 posts, read 16,415,049 times
Reputation: 4586
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
I moved out in April my senior year. I had friends parents asking me to leave and come live with them as young as 15. My mother and I both worked for a place the pervious summer and at the end of the season party, a woman, after drinking a little too much, started telling me that if I ever wanted to run away, I could come live with her, along with a few other things that made my mother livid, in front of my mom! I got it when I got home.



It depends completely on circumstances. My parents wanted me to stay as well, so they said, and told me they'd send me to juvie if I dared move out before 18 and have anyone who helped me arrested. My mother once told me that she was contemplating home schooling so that I could be home to care for my brothers because they were trying her down. She wanted to hang out with her friends and go “galloping across the countryside“ as she put it . My parents were really controlling and abusive. Finally, after I turned 18, they told me I was an adult now and they wouldn’t be so restricting. Two weeks later, they were piling the one or two chores my siblings had on top of all the ones I already had. They freaked out once when I was doing homework and shut off the electric to my room because I was not in bed by 10 pm. They claimed that I was disturbing my siblings who needed their sleep, however, neither were in bed and I was stuck in the dark listening to one play video games and the other playing music with the bedroom light still on. I tried to talk to my parents to tell them that I was falling behind in every class because I had no time to do the homework and that I had cut track to try and get it done. I said I was starting to feel like I was being taken advantage of. They told me, unless I was prepared to start paying rent, I had to keep being pretty much their slave. Plus they would never allowed me to get my drivers license so I couldn’t just drive off either. As for the homework, they told me not to bring it home, to get it done in school. I also got slapped across the face for daring to stand up for myself. Yup, I moved with in 48 hours, took everything with me and never went back. I will be forever grateful to my friends mom who took me in for more than four months until I got on my feet. I never thought I knew it all when I was 18. I just worked my butt off to make things work. But then again I had spent the last 6 years raising two kids (my brothers) and having all the responsibilities of an adult except paying the bills so I was more than ready to take on the real world.

There are resources for students who need help. I would go to your school counselor and see if they can help you. Many hospitals also have programs that could help.



Again, there are resources. Talk to your friends and your friends parents to see if they have any ideas that could help you. Maybe you could arrange to pay maybe a small fee to rent a room from someone you know. There are a TON of options out there, if you feel strongly enough about it.

I don’t know what you are going through right now but I can relate to wanting to move out. Be careful and remember not to hurt anyone that is helping you along the way.
I'm sorry to hear about your problems with your parents. That said, in a NORMAL situation, I would never advise a high school kid to leave their parents' house....18 or not. It will likely ruin their relationship with their parents, which is supposed to be life-long.

If OP's situation is extreme, then she should try to move in with a friend's family (but not out on her own until after high school). If the situation is simply typical teenager/parent animosity, she should attempt to address the issues rather than run from them.
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Old 04-16-2009, 11:04 AM
 
21,958 posts, read 19,080,264 times
Reputation: 18067
it sounds like you have really healthy instincts and behaviors in terms of seeing the need for asking for help, and also being willing and able to ask for help from resources, such as counseling, therapy. Good for you. Best of luck. If a school counselor can't help you, or does not feel productive, then go to the white pages of the phone book, or go to the library, and look for community resources, particulary those geared to teens and youth and keeping young people on track with education, jobs, and stable living environment.

Generally if someone in your family says "stay away from therapy" they don't have your best interests at heart, they don't have great emotional health themselves, and they don't want anyone else to know what is going on in the house, which is a big red flag itself

Best wishes to you in your life. Seeking counseling and therapy is a very healthy step, and can only have positive and helpful benefits for you and your relationships with your family and others.
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Old 04-16-2009, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Oregon
1,532 posts, read 2,643,336 times
Reputation: 6935
Sorry that you are feeling so frustrated in your situation. Yes you legally can move out at 18, but since you have such a short time until you graduate, I would really hope that you could stick it out at home for just a little longer. I would hate for you to have so much responsibility just to live that it may compromise your graduating. It is hard to live out there, let alone keep up with school, too.

That being said, I do speak from experience. I moved out when I was 17. I had already graduated though. It wasn't any kind of blowout with my family or anything, I guess now that I look back, I was just VERY independent, and wanted to do things my own way! My parents and I actually got along better after I moved, but things were not easy. I went through alot of hard times, but had too much pride to ever give my parents the idea that things were anything but great.

Anyways, I would also suggest that you speak with a school counselor. See if you can stay a little longer, and maybe when you do move out, it can be on better terms. It is always nice to have your Mom to talk to!
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Old 04-16-2009, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,975 posts, read 16,415,049 times
Reputation: 4586
OP - you have TWO MONTHS left of high school. Start planning a move for June, but for now you need to make sure that you get that diploma. That needs to be your top priority. Putting yourself in what will likely be an even less stable living situation is not advisable at this point. Stick it out. The two months will be up before you know it.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,711 posts, read 13,445,247 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jessdee228 View Post
i have a job and i have somewhere to go but my mom tells me even though im 18 years old im still in high school and i cant move out without her permission..
She lied to you. In New Jersey you can drop out of school when you are 16 if you want to, so where she got that stupid idea is unclear, unless she just made it up to keep you from leaving.

That being said, everyone else is right that nothing is as important as finishing your diploma. If that means putting up with her for two months, stick it out. If you can live elsewhere and still finish school, that's ok too, but you'd better be sure you can before you make any decisions.
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Old 04-17-2009, 03:31 PM
 
Location: NJ
23,821 posts, read 33,345,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
She lied to you. In New Jersey you can drop out of school when you are 16 if you want to, so where she got that stupid idea is unclear, unless she just made it up to keep you from leaving.

That being said, everyone else is right that nothing is as important as finishing your diploma. If that means putting up with her for two months, stick it out. If you can live elsewhere and still finish school, that's ok too, but you'd better be sure you can before you make any decisions.
I'm pretty sure the parent has to agree to that
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Old 04-17-2009, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,711 posts, read 13,445,247 times
Reputation: 4185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
I'm pretty sure the parent has to agree to that
In a sense, but it's up to the parent to enforce attendance. The child is not guilty of truancy if they aren't in school, whether the parent agrees or not. I suppose they could still be considered delinquent by incorrigibility, but not at age 18.
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Old 04-18-2009, 10:24 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 9,559,157 times
Reputation: 2847
I have to ask if things are really that bad? Or are you just blowing it out of proportion? At 18 my daughter was convinced I was the meanest Mama in the world. She lied about everything and I knew it when she opened her mouth so that made me a mean Mama. She expected me every pay day to take her to the mall and buy her new clothes because that is what her friends parents did, I couldn't because it took every penny I made to live and pay the bills, there was never any money for extras. One day, she just disappeared.. ran away at 18. I didn't know for months if she was dead or alive and I like to have went crazy..

Fast forward a few years and she is married with her own family and realizes that I was the ONLY person in her life that always told her the truth. One year I had her husband do my taxes for me and she called and said he needed all my other W2 forms.. I told her there were no other forms, I didn't work anywhere else, just had that one job... She screamed "BUT MAMA! NOBODY CAN LIVE ON THAT LITTLE!".. I told her "Well, I do and I do a good job of managing my money". She has spent the rest of her life apologizing to me for what a mean Mama she had thought I was and all the things she told her friends about me.


One of my daughters problems with me was that I wouldn't take her to the mall on Friday night to drop her off so she could join her friends who's parents took them and dropped them off for hours (during her high school years). There were to many bad things that could happen to unsupervised kids and I loved her to much to take that kind of chance with her and the way she lied about everything (even when there was no reason to lie) taught me not to trust her. I told her MANY times that her lies did her out of doing things that I would have let her do if she had told me the truth..

So, is your Mother really as bad as you have convienced yourself she is. Do you even have the REAL story of what your Mother is doing and why? You see things one way through your inexperienced 18 year old eyes, she sees things through older more experienced eyes.


I am not suggesting that you lie to your mother, only that she may have reasons that you do not see. 18 is an exciting age and you want to get out into the world and live, explore and have fun. I think if you move out, you will come to appreciate your mother a lot more, just don't go out and make mistakes that will effect the rest of your life.. I bet that is what she is trying to prevent... Once out from under my roof, within 6 months she was pregnant.
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