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That's sad. You shouldn't feel undeserving. Did he wait for you? Times are different now. I asked my 19 year old son one time if he expected his future wife to be a virgin. He said it would be nice, but he didn't expect it. Most teens (not all of course) are much more open about the virignity issue.
No my DH didn't wait for me, he was seduced (meaning she was the one who really wanted it so she is the one who brought it up and pushed for it) by a girl who knew her way into guy's pants before we met. (it's something he regrets too) My Dh never expected a virgin and he loves me no matter what. But I still feel that he deserved to be my first and my last.
We are Christian and I would have brought up our personal religious values again, as well as maturity and love vs. lust. And at 17, it is lust.
I don't happen to be Christian, but I was raised Christian and know enough about the religion to know there is no Biblical basis for that statement, none whatsoever.
I don't believe in love in the teen years, either. I think teenagers generally do not think before their actions and who else is tired of the latest baby being born to a teenager?And then claiming they couldn't abort it because of religion?
Well, if they were so religious in the first place, they wouldn't have pre-marital sex.
Teenagers are hypocritical. In my opinion, they are in no place to make severe decisions. What would your daughter say if she ended up with AIDS or Herpes or Gonorrhea her very first time having sex?
I think you gave good advice--with the additional fact that you have talked with her a lot about it. Because in the end, it is her choice and there is nothing (short of locking her up) that you can do about it. You clearly are advocating for waiting by continually bringing up the risks and bad sides.
The best advice my mother ever gave me: "Boys will try to get as far as they can, whether they are your friend or boyfriend." Obviously, this paints a little bit of a dismal picture of teen boys, but a good guideline to follow nonetheless.
I don't believe in love in the teen years, either.
So you think people don't know how to love, then suddenly when they become adults they know? Loving all along the way is how people get to adult love.
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What would your daughter say if she ended up with AIDS or Herpes or Gonorrhea her very first time having sex?
What would a 25 or 30 year old say if she ended up with AIDS or Herpes or Gonorrhea her very first time having sex?
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Originally Posted by cherry251
I don't know why a man would expect his wife to be a virgin. If I'm waiting til marriage, it's for ME, not because some man expects it.
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Originally Posted by wyoquilter
No my DH didn't wait for me, he was seduced (meaning she was the one who really wanted it so she is the one who brought it up and pushed for it) by a girl who knew her way into guy's pants before we met. (it's something he regrets too) My Dh never expected a virgin and he loves me no matter what. But I still feel that he deserved to be my first and my last.
Excuse me. Why are you making excuses for your husband? A man/boy knows how to say no the same as women/girl should. At least you should give him equal responsibility.
I'm sure he regrets it since it's such a big deal to you, but back then he probably didn't.
It's difficult to find an adult mate who has never had sex before. People don't take it seriously anymore like they used to. It's too casual and frequent, not to mention glamorized on sitcoms, etc..
These times are coming soon for my 15yr old and me. Not looking forward to it, but I have been blessed with a teen who is way better than I was at her age.
I will probably give the same advice when the time comes. I am a believer of spelling out her options and making sure she can see the many different directions her actions could take her rather than a flat out NO. I think they need to feel as if they are in charge of their life.
I wouldn't talk to my mother either about this stuff, heck I didn't even tell her when I started my period. It takes some getting used to and is very akward but worth it.
My 17 year old daughter and I have a very close relationship, and we talk about a lot of things.
Last night she asked me how far I thought she should go with her bf. Well, I thought about that for a while, and then finally told her that even though I'm her mother it's not my decision, or my business. However, I told her that the further she goes, the more vulnerable she is to insecurity, jealousy, hurt, etc. We've talked about the relationship between sex and vulnerability before. She also knows that I expect her to be responsible and to come to me for help if she needs it, which I know she would do because she is VERY AGAINST teen pregnancy.
My question: What would you have told your daughter?
I think you did a wonderful job and it's so cool that she could come to you like that. I think the only thing I would have added would have talked more about saving it for her wedding night...I wish I had. Even though I married my bf that I lost my virginity with, I was much too young for it to be special.
I don't believe in love in the teen years, either. I think teenagers generally do not think before their actions and who else is tired of the latest baby being born to a teenager?And then claiming they couldn't abort it because of religion?
Well, if they were so religious in the first place, they wouldn't have pre-marital sex.
Teenagers are hypocritical. In my opinion, they are in no place to make severe decisions. What would your daughter say if she ended up with AIDS or Herpes or Gonorrhea her very first time having sex?
If you read my prior posts, I've already explained that we've discussed that subject ad finitium WAY before she came to me with this question. Do you REALLY think I would have given her that advice if we hadn't broached the STD issue before?????
I think you gave good advice--with the additional fact that you have talked with her a lot about it. Because in the end, it is her choice and there is nothing (short of locking her up) that you can do about it. You clearly are advocating for waiting by continually bringing up the risks and bad sides.
The best advice my mother ever gave me: "Boys will try to get as far as they can, whether they are your friend or boyfriend." Obviously, this paints a little bit of a dismal picture of teen boys, but a good guideline to follow nonetheless.
I agree. If you're not prepared to follow your teen around 24/7, telling them "to wait" and nothing else is very, very dangerous. Sure, they get information in school, but when push comes to shove, it's the parent they should come to with they need help making important decisions, and/or requesting a visit to the gynecologist. That's just smart.
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. Not looking forward to it, but I have been blessed with a teen who is way better than I was at her age.
but worth it
