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Isnt it funny how, with very rare exceptions, everything luckily turns out OK. Don't we just have amazing luck? I let my kids go out and play in a thunderstorm once, and luckily, everything turned out OK. They did not get struck by lightning. Not even once.
I just stumbled across this thread and this website.
Here's the deal. My mom actually did this to me and my sister. I was 12, my sister 13. She left us on the side of the highway. It was not just the 3 of us in the car...a pontiac sunbird...she had some white trash woman from church in the front seat and my little brother was in the back with my sister and the white trash's 3 small children aged 3-7 in the hatchback. Yes we were a clown car of people. I call this woman white trash, because she stayed with her husband regardless of what he did to neglect her and her children. Never understood why mom carted her around everywhere other than she wanted to feel better about her lot in life.
so the kids in the back are loud and they don't stop - mom is caught up in one of her pointless discussions with the lady in the front seat. I tell them to be quiet (one is screaming in my ear) and my sister thinks it's funny - so she tells me to shut up. I tell her to shut up. Typical arguing. Mind you I've watched my parents argue louder at one another in the house.
Mom pulls over and puts just me and my sister out. I am fighting mom from pulling me out - she actually dragged me out by my legs. Yes the 8 of us in that tiny car and she put me and my sister out. So it was near a mom and pop store and people had watched it. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer there and the people that watched it - sent him over to us.
It was about 50 degrees out...it was chilly. I felt embarrassed that someone watched us but most of all - I hated my mother. I hate her because she is forever filling me with her regret about being pregnant at 17 and if she could have children again she would adopt. I had to sit in the front seat of this officer's car and he kept trying to ask why I was upset. It was obvious I did not want to be there, ironically I did not want to be in that little clown car of 8 people either - but I didn't have a choice - I had to go with mom to her latest addiction to this new church of hers.
Mom shows back up - 1/2 hour later. In an unmarked police car she didn't see us and finally he signaled her over. He gave her a summons I believe. Then she had to tell my dad what happened when we got home and always it's my fault, but did not agree with her this time. He didn't understand why I was so upset. She left us on the side of the highway - what the F*** is wrong with her? Why does she think it okay to pack that many kids in a car and me telling everyone to shutup b/c they are loud - means I'm put out?
I don't hate her for this incident, I hate her for what she always does when she does something self-centered, she goes on and on about how bad she feels about what she did. To the point that I end up consoling her for something she did.
Even as an adult she does this to me and I realize now, in my 30's how often I let someone in my life get away with abusive behavior because they go on and on about how bad they feel about it. I learned to adapt to this a long time ago. That's what I remember bout that day - how embarrassed I felt that someone saw my mom losing her patience (again). So as an adult - yes, when a male friend assaulted me and then went on and on about how bad he felt - yes, I consoled him.
For all of you that think it funny - kids will learn to listen to her mother, etc. etc. No, it is a big deal. Not arguing in the car again isn't learning anything it just makes you fearful. Kudos to the lady with the patience to pull over and say "guess what car's not moving...when you want to stop arguing we'll go."
If you chose to have children, they are going to bicker - they are not adults - you are the parent - be the parent. If we were just wired to obey, we wouldn't have to make a choice. Kind of defeats the point of a nervous system. So if "telling" your kids was enough, you wouldn't have to learn. I think my annoyance at 3 kids yelling behind me again and again to be quiet and mom ignoring that was enough for me to lose my cool, but again I have the life experience of 13 year old. She was 31.
I have to love my mom because she's my mom even as an adult - but at least I know now, whenever she pulls one of her self-righteous stunts and says/does something rotten and goes on and on about how sorry she is - I have her number. Look - remorse is not about how convincing you are at showing it - you apologize and move on - alter your behavior, but it's not my job to make you feel better about it...nor am I going to make a big display to say you're forgiven. I can move on - but I don't want to hear how crumby "she" feels about what she did to me. You should feel crumby - stop doing it.
Long winded- I had to think twice about someone who thinks about doing it - but if you think it's right to leave your kid on the side of the road, you need to readjust your priorities. You are the adult...they are kids. You're entitled to lose your patience, you are not rewarded for giving up and walking away from your kid. They don't have your life experience.
oh yeah - an echo whoever said - that they didn't trust their parents. I still don't. Thankfully - I don't need anything from either of them - my brother and sister, are always asking for money from them.
1) Have you ever been tempted to do something like this? Have I been tempted to do this? Oh heck yeah! When my kids were younger, you bet I was tempted to do this!
2) Do you think you would ever have actually done something like this? Well, I never did it, so...lol, I guess that means no. I did have a sister who did this to her boys though. It was after dark before she got back to pick them up. It was on a country road, and they were terrified. They never did it again though, and they're very close, to this day...and still think she's crazy!
3) Do you think the mother should have been arrested/held overnight? If something terrible would have happened to them? Yeah. Since nothing did happen? No. I think the fact that her 10 year old child was gone when she returned for it, was probably a lesson for her. If it was me, I'd be freaking out and would NEVER do that again !
4) How do you think this will impact the children? Who knows, maybe they'll listen to their mother next time she tells them to stop arguing! If they're really terrible brats, they'll smart off to her and goad her, with "You CAN'T throw us out or YOU'RE gonna go to jail". It depends on the kids. It really depends on the person. If you're the kind of person who takes responsibility for your actions, accepts your consequences, etc., it's not going to have a traumatic impact on the child. If you're the type of person who goes through life never accepting responsibility and ownership for your screwups and consequences, it's gonna mess with you...and you're going to use the incident as an excuse for everything that's ever gone wrong in your life!
Kids are pretty individual. Will the 10 year old wise the heck up? Or will they use this as an excuse to be a monster for the rest of their life?...fear of abandonment (but SHE didn't run after mom and get in the car like the 12 yr old)....who knows.
I actually did this once. We lived near the top of a pretty high hill. I had a car full of young teenagers who would not stop arguing about something stupid so I let them out of the car and told them they could hike home. I also informed them that if any of them even attempted to hitch a ride they would have everything they loved taken away from them for ten days. And I told them I wanted all three of them to walk up the driveway together and to think about what they were going to say in their apology to me once they hoofed it up the canyon.
They were sweaty and good and tired when they came in and said their "I'm sorry"s. Never had to do it again. Lesson learned.
I THREATENED to do this. My teenager believed me and stopped the nonsense...if I would have been closer to home, I just MIGHT have done it. I'll admit, like others here, I have been in the car, taking my kids to do something fun, had them start bickering, and not listen when I told them ONE time, to stop it NOW or we're going home! I was dead serious about this stuff y'all. If I said "Stop it NOW or I'm turning the car around, we're going home, and y'all are going to your rooms", I MEANT it! Needless to say, because I kept my word to my kids and didn't lie to them or make empty threats, for the most part, they listened to me.
When I see parents arguing with their kids, repeating themselves over and over again, I get a running dialogue in my mind..."Liar, you're not going to do anything.Why do you keep saying you're going to do something when I know and THEY know, all you're gonna do is make empty threats, then feel sorry for yourself because your kids don't listen to you!"
I kid you not, I say these things to my daughter when she's disciplining her son. If she says, "If you throw that toy one more time, I'm going to throw it away!" I say, "Liar"...but what are you REALLY going to do?" I don't shout these things out in front of the little one, but I do playfully whisper them to her. If she says, "I'm going to BEAT you if you don't stay out of the cupboards".....I say, "Ooooorrr, you're gonna put him in time out?....Do not EVER say you're going to BEAT him. Do not ever say you're going to beat a child and then swat him on the butt either....cuz you know what? He's going to go around telling people you BEAT him! and you know what? terminology is everything If you tell a child you're going to beat him, then you swat him, he thinks a swat is a beating!"
And we think the job ends when they turn 18 and/or have kids of their own!! LOL Jeesh!
My kids are too young to even consider it, but if they were in this age range and we were in our neighborhood, I would probably consider it and may actually go through with it.
It does remind me of something similar though. A couple years ago my mom's sister was in from CA and we were having dinner at my parents house to visit. My mom started talking about her first husband, who passed away from cancer when he was 30. They lived in upstate NY and when my mom was pregnant with my older brother, they were driving home from visting people in NJ and were on the NY Thruway. An argumnet ensued and as he was rather controlling and apparently had a temper, decided to pull the car over and boot my 7 months pregnant mother out of the car on the side of the Thruway at 10pm and drove off. For reference this was in like 1968.
A NY State Trooper pulled up about 5 minutes later and sat my mom in his car. About 3 minutes after that her husband comes pulling back up. He had apparently just looped around at the exits. To this day my mom doesn't know what was said, but when she got back in the car her rather ashen husband apologized and said it would never happen again.
At the end of the story, my aunt (mom's older sister) who I have never heard say a bad word about anyone blurts out, "well it's a good thing that bastard died."
My kids are too young to even consider it, but if they were in this age range and we were in our neighborhood, I would probably consider it and may actually go through with it.
It does remind me of something similar though. A couple years ago my mom's sister was in from CA and we were having dinner at my parents house to visit. My mom started talking about her first husband, who passed away from cancer when he was 30. They lived in upstate NY and when my mom was pregnant with my older brother, they were driving home from visting people in NJ and were on the NY Thruway. An argumnet ensued and as he was rather controlling and apparently had a temper, decided to pull the car over and boot my 7 months pregnant mother out of the car on the side of the Thruway at 10pm and drove off. For reference this was in like 1968.
A NY State Trooper pulled up about 5 minutes later and sat my mom in his car. About 3 minutes after that her husband comes pulling back up. He had apparently just looped around at the exits. To this day my mom doesn't know what was said, but when she got back in the car her rather ashen husband apologized and said it would never happen again.
At the end of the story, my aunt (mom's older sister) who I have never heard say a bad word about anyone blurts out, "well it's a good thing that bastard died."
I always loved my aunt, but have to say she gained more than a few points in my book that day.
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I love your aunt.
