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One thing people forget is that a parent's primary duty is to prepare the child for life. That means teaching the child to overcome shyness or reluctance and learn to be comfortable in the company of adults. I mean, you cannot expect a child to be uncommunicative and asocial until the age of 18, and then magically turn into a self-sufficient person overnight.
In short, the worst thing a parent can do is cripple a child by making his life easy. That means giving them minimal standards for treating grownups with respect. And excusing a child because of his or her shyness is a cop-out that will hurt the child in the long term.
You don't have to yell or degrade your child. If they are really shy then I would practice at home, with a doll or teddy bear. Don't put them on the spot out in public until they build some confidence at home. So, set up a pretend meeting between your child and the 'adult' teddy bear. Do some role playing with your child playing both roles...sometimes as the adult and sometimes the bear is the adult.
"Hello, it's very nice to see you." "Yes, it's nice to see you too. I was just coming to the park to feed the ducks, are you going to feed the ducks too?".....
"You look very nice today Jenny. Is that a new sundress?" "Yes it is, Grandma took me shopping for this dress for my birthday." "Oh, that's so nice. How old are you now?" "I'm four."......
Set up a restaurant with a fake menu and the teddy bear is the server/cashier. "Hi, what can I get you today?" "I'd like chicken nuggets and macaroni please." "Sure, I'll bring them right out." "Thank you."
"Would you like more water?" "Yes please.".....
Once they get comfortable you could even have friends or family members join in and role play.
Do let your child know that it isn't polite not to answer people when they speak to him, but don't punish or degrade him either. If someone speaks to him don't answer or apologize for him either. Let him speak for himself, or not.
I believe that children need to be exposed to adults and need to be taught how to carry on a polite conversation.
I have a great child in my life, he has ASD. He cannot understand the concept of a "pretty" sundress. He understands tangible facts. While I do expect all my kids to say please, thank you, hello, yes sir, yes ma'am.... I do not expect them (especially DSS) to entertain the adults in the room.
I also have an issue with forcing a child to interact with someone who makes them uncomfortable. Who'se to say that this uncle didn't put his hands where they don't belong at the last reunion? Kids have great instincts.... we need to teach children to listen to their instincts. I will not tolerate rudeness, but none of my babies is going to be forced to talk to anybody.
There was one instance where I had a bunch of kids at a water park. The youngest (7 at the time) refused to tell the cahier what she wanted. So she didn't get anything. I didn't force her to talk to the cashier, but she did have consequences. Funny, we've never had a problem since where she wanted an ice cream but wouldn't tell the cashier.
I believe that children need to be exposed to adults and need to be taught how to carry on a polite conversation.
I have a great child in my life, he has ASD. He cannot understand the concept of a "pretty" sundress. He understands tangible facts. While I do expect all my kids to say please, thank you, hello, yes sir, yes ma'am.... I do not expect them (especially DSS) to entertain the adults in the room.
I also have an issue with forcing a child to interact with someone who makes them uncomfortable. Who'se to say that this uncle didn't put his hands where they don't belong at the last reunion? Kids have great instincts.... we need to teach children to listen to their instincts. I will not tolerate rudeness, but none of my babies is going to be forced to talk to anybody.
There was one instance where I had a bunch of kids at a water park. The youngest (7 at the time) refused to tell the cahier what she wanted. So she didn't get anything. I didn't force her to talk to the cashier, but she did have consequences. Funny, we've never had a problem since where she wanted an ice cream but wouldn't tell the cashier.
Well, I think that's certainly true. What I mean is when we encounter adults we know at the grocery store or whevever else. I mean, if my son and I see the mother of one of his friends, I expect my son to acknowledge her existence and speak to her responsively when asked a question, not stare at the floor and mumble incoherently.
And you're exactly right about cashiers. My 12-year-old daughter just would be paralyzed at the prospect of ordering food at a hamburger stand. I finally said that she wasn't eating until she learned to ask for what she wanted. Guess what? She has no problems ordering anymore.
sorry, but certain people with certain behavioral disorders are not capable of it as easily as those without those disorders. If your kids can do it...bravo for you...but don't assume that everyone's kids are like yours or whatever you think they should be in your mind.
Parents of disabled kids would love to have normal acting, behaving at their maturity level children, but they don't and there's not much beyond the therapy and parenting they are getting that can be done about it.
Mental disabilites are only just becoming recognized as genuine disorders. People don't ask to be born this way and they aren't pretending. I wish they were. I honestly wish it was fake and that I could call the boys on it, but its real, sadly real and those without disabled kids just don't understand and refuse to accept it or see the kids as anything but "bad" or "wierd" or "untrained" or whatever. Well thats your issues, not ours. Close-minded attitudes make it one more thing we have to train our kids how to deal with as though its not tough enough already.
sorry, but certain people with certain behavioral disorders are not capable of it as easily as those without those disorders. If your kids can do it...bravo for you...but don't assume that everyone's kids are like yours or whatever you think they should be in your mind.
Parents of disabled kids would love to have normal acting, behaving at their maturity level children, but they don't and there's not much beyond the therapy and parenting they are getting that can be done about it.
Mental disabilites are only just becoming recognized as genuine disorders. People don't ask to be born this way and they aren't pretending. I wish they were. I honestly wish it was fake and that I could call the boys on it, but its real, sadly real and those without disabled kids just don't understand and refuse to accept it or see the kids as anything but "bad" or "wierd" or "untrained" or whatever. Well thats your issues, not ours. Close-minded attitudes make it one more thing we have to train our kids how to deal with as though its not tough enough already.
Given that the question was asked in the general parenting forum and not the special needs sub forum it's fair to assume the opinions/suggestions/advice are geared towards kids who are not special needs. We all know the same social/behavioral expectations may not apply in special needs kids. That's why there's a separate special needs sub forum.
Given that the question was asked in the general parenting forum and not the special needs sub forum it's fair to assume the opinions/suggestions/advice are geared towards kids who are not special needs. We all know the same social/behavioral expectations may not apply in special needs kids. That's why there's a separate special needs sub forum.
There aren't that many questions posted there and people don't post their answers giving 'less than normal' circumstances any consideration And it stated kids, not non-disabled kids, or kids that are "this way" just...kids.
Half the time the poster making the comment doesn't even have any first hand knowledge, which makes it even worse, as they are just making an opinion without any practical experience on the matter.
The answers you see make it all seem sooo easy and as though all children are identical and will all react in the same manner based on this person's opinion. I was pointing out that isn't reality. Even plenty of "normal" kids (and adults) don't want to talk or interact with strangers. Its called having a personality and being an individual. Put aside disabilities, you still have people that aren't all going to respond the same way of treatment. They are just how they are.
Last edited by Jackyfrost01; 05-17-2009 at 08:43 AM..
There aren't that many questions posted there and people don't post their answers giving 'less than normal' circumstances any consideration And it stated kids, not non-disabled kids, or kids that are "this way" just...kids.
Half the time the poster making the comment doesn't even have any first hand knowledge, which makes it even worse, as they are just making an opinion without any practical experience on the matter.
The answers you see make it all seem sooo easy and as though all children are identical and will all react in the same manner based on this person's opinion. I was pointing out that isn't reality. Even plenty of "normal" kids (and adults) don't want to talk or interact with strangers. Its called having a personality and being an individual. Put aside disabilities, you still have people that aren't all going to respond the same way of treatment. They are just how they are.
Don't be so hard on each other. Yes, it is difficult to understand the nuances of a social/emotional disability until you live with it. It is not a condition that a person can see uniless you know how to look. I can see it, Jack, I know you can see it. But do not be upset with someone if they don't see it. It is like being angry at someone who is colorblind for not recognizing the color red.
There aren't that many questions posted there and people don't post their answers giving 'less than normal' circumstances any consideration And it stated kids, not non-disabled kids, or kids that are "this way" just...kids.
Half the time the poster making the comment doesn't even have any first hand knowledge, which makes it even worse, as they are just making an opinion without any practical experience on the matter.
The answers you see make it all seem sooo easy and as though all children are identical and will all react in the same manner based on this person's opinion. I was pointing out that isn't reality. Even plenty of "normal" kids (and adults) don't want to talk or interact with strangers. Its called having a personality and being an individual. Put aside disabilities, you still have people that aren't all going to respond the same way of treatment. They are just how they are.
While I buy into your argument about special needs children, your argument that "normal" kids shouldn't learn some fundamental social skills is nonsense. It's one thing to raise a child who is introverted. It's another thing entirely to raise a child or teenager who just won't talk to adults. It's a part of life, just the same as learning to go to the bathroom, do one's homework, and keep one's room clean.
For, again, what happens to that child when he grows into an adult? He has to have a job--even if he's working the graveyard shift in an IT department. He has to deal with scores of people in his everyday life. Learning how to relate to these people will have an affect on his ability to succeed in life--no matter what his chosen path will be. After all, we all know of people who are incapable of holding down jobs because of their awful interpersonal skills, for no other reason than they never learned the intricacies of dealing with others.
Heck, almost all children have initial difficulties talking to adults, for doing so is a learned skill, not an innate one.
There aren't that many questions posted there and people don't post their answers giving 'less than normal' circumstances any consideration And it stated kids, not non-disabled kids, or kids that are "this way" just...kids.
Half the time the poster making the comment doesn't even have any first hand knowledge, which makes it even worse, as they are just making an opinion without any practical experience on the matter.
The answers you see make it all seem sooo easy and as though all children are identical and will all react in the same manner based on this person's opinion. I was pointing out that isn't reality. Even plenty of "normal" kids (and adults) don't want to talk or interact with strangers. Its called having a personality and being an individual. Put aside disabilities, you still have people that aren't all going to respond the same way of treatment. They are just how they are.
True, but why would they if they are not talking about special needs kids/circumstances? I suppose you would have objections to questions posed only to parents of 'normal kids'....that's a bit rude don't you think? And yet it's true...many of the questions people post here are regarding their 'normal kids' in their 'normal' circumstances. I understand the answers don't seem to cover well the special circumstances you and others face as parents but we all post from a point of our own experience. We know most of our experiences don't line up with yours and that many of the 'easy' solutions proposed aren't applicable in your more complicated reality.
I regret that that is the case. I wish there were more answers in general, that parenting in general were easier and that there were one size fits all answers. But that's not the case for any of us. There is no easy button for parenting.
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<snicker>
And it stated kids, not non-disabled kids, or kids that are "this way" just...kids. 
