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The update is that my sister's neighbor has called SS on them. There has been no formal investigation (I think partially b/c said neighbor is a figurative crackpot), but SS is pushing the move to us as well. My sister will begin looking for a job closer toward us to facillitate visitation. It is my greatest hope that we can make a difference in both their lives. My sister really needs a break and a chance to get out of the career she is in.
Also my sister took in her husband's nephew, about the same age because her sister-in-law was having problems with him, found him too much to handle. As far as I know there were no drugs involved, not with the boy's mother, her problem may have been she was too much a perfectionist.
My sister lived on a farm and her husband put the boy to work, taught him to drive a tractor, do some real chores. My sister dreaded taking on this "project", they had him for the entire summer but it turned out okay. She said the kid was mostly just bored, living in town meant he laid around doing nothing.
Families can be for helping each other out. In some societies, there is less emphasis on the nuclear family, extended family is there to assist, provide some relief. Sometimes you may try to help a kid, and it can seem at the time it was futile but sometimes it's the only chance that child sees a "normal" way of life, other ways of doing things, and it may help more than you realize. I'd be careful if there are drugs involved, don't leave valuables and money because people with problems tend to "borrow" or outright steal.
If you do this, get back in touch on how it works out.
We are taking her in, at least for a year. She will be coming in mid-July. She hasn't started drugs yet (um, that any of us are aware of), but the combination of her friends, her attitude/outlook on life, and that she doesn't mind snorting things already makes her a high candidate for it. I told my sister that if she didn't come now and she continued down this path, our door would not be open for much longer because then I think it would be too late and I would worry about our own boys.
I'm hoping that the normalacy of our life will give her the structure she needs. The more I talk with my sister, the more it seems like my niece's attitude is her way of building a wall around her emotions. She simply does not care about anything. My sister had a serious ailment for the last couple years and she was put on a strong steriod for it. She said she felt like a walking zombie. Now she is wondering what she missed during that time...
Thank you everyone for your comments, suggestions and warnings. I just wanted to update everyone. My sister and her daughter have had a couple formal meetings with Social Services now (she now has an open case) and mother-daughter have been talking a little more. My sister thinks she is seeing a breakthrough...whether this is true or my neice is just taking her for a ride again, I don't know. Either way, my niece is staying home for now. My sister did tell her at one point that she was making such poor decisions and getting into too much trouble that it might be best for her to come live with us (I'm a SAHM, so I'm around ALL the time). My niece, at that time, promised that she wouldn't get into any more trouble and if she did, would come willingly to us. So far, so good.
With the developments between mother and daughter and our own housing issues, she wouldn't be coming to live with us anytime soon, but as my sister has said, "She doesn't need to know that."
Hopefully everything turns out for the best. It's so sad to see a good kid go down the wrong road and make choices that they can't change later on. I am seeing this in my nephew now.
I did not realize that I was repeating what everyone else said. I want to add one last thing.
If there are allegations of abuse, your children may be removed from your home while that is investigated. That would scare the heck out of both you and your children because the moment that the state steps in there are no guarantees. It is not within your control. You may not have access to them for a period of time. I am not talking about 2-3 days here. I mean a few weeks. Your kids are not going to be clued in to what is going on.
I agree 100 %...this is a big fear of mine, as I have a troubled stepdaughter that is deeply disturbed and very convincing at lying and manipulating. It is for this very reason that I am so scared for her to be living in the house with my 3 young kids...she could do or say anything...there doesn't have to be any truth to it at all..and your kids could get taken away while things are "sorted out". I would make sure the girl in question doesn't have deeper emotional/mental issues that might make it dangerous for her to be in your home with such young, impressionable children.
My niece is in junior high and is beyond a handful for my sister, a single mother. The police have been called in twice on her (once for drinking before school, recently for helping to "pants" a girl), she told her mom she snorted Smarties on a dare and her mom walked in on her snorting Kool Aid. Her friends come from broken homes and last week she ran away to her friend's house, whose happy residents include a mom who just got out of jail for meth. She also told her mom she has no qualms in lying, and does so constantly.
My sister called this morning to potentially take me up on our "our house is always open" policy. We are moving to a small, isolated town where the kids' ideas of fun is riding horses. I called my mom this evening to see what she thinks and she starts saying that she will miss out on her sports and she supposes she will still have her cell phone and internet access because you can't just completely cut her off from her friends. WHAT?!! The child is sniffing sugar and has been expelled twice and she is worried about my niece being cut off from her friends?!
Anyhow, I put this to you, oh grand audience of City-Data: What would you do, whether you be the one giving up or the one taking in? Also, do you think the change is too severe?
Our household: myself, husband, two little boys--vegetarians, who have no TV (we do watch movies), moving to a town with a school of 75 kids in K-12 where the closest grocery store is almost two hours away. (My husband is onboard with the situation).
A family with two little children and no TV taking a wild child teen out into the boonies. EEEK.
Are you tough? Can you be? Are you willing to put your relationship and small children through a possibly stressful situation? Have you had teen hormones and emotional roller coaster issues to deal with? It's a whole other ballgame raising one than being one, oh boy did I find out. My boys are 20 and 16 and while they are good kids, sometimes even my own pretty darn good kids can try my last nerve.
It might be all good but chances are there will be issues.
I agree 100 %...this is a big fear of mine, as I have a troubled stepdaughter that is deeply disturbed and very convincing at lying and manipulating. It is for this very reason that I am so scared for her to be living in the house with my 3 young kids...she could do or say anything...there doesn't have to be any truth to it at all..and your kids could get taken away while things are "sorted out". I would make sure the girl in question doesn't have deeper emotional/mental issues that might make it dangerous for her to be in your home with such young, impressionable children.
I've read your story. I'm the wrong chic to discuss your cause with.
No. I spend a good deal of time listening to parents talk about how they don't want their kids.
I just, flat out, don't have it in me right now to have an ounce of compassion for your situation.
hmmm...i missed the part where I asked for your compassion?
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