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I dont think your daughter is the bigger problem here
1. If your daughter is "dumb" like you said then I think you have to some to blame...
2. If you want her to mature and take resposiblitily for herself stop treating her like a child and let her pay for her own stuff... Like her cell phone, car, car insurance, clothes.
3. As for your boyfriend I guess maybe I could understand his frustration but its back to you - I know I would tell my SO that this is my child and never will I just abandon her because you want me to... but look into ways that she be a more productive Young adult.
Good Luck - remember guys come and go you only have one daughter...
I agree.
And an FYI OP.....you have to start from day one instilling independence....not at age 19.
If she can't afford the things she wants...she needs to save her money from her PT job....stop giving her money.
I think she has you played actually, she's not dumb...she's manipulating you.
Just an FYI to all these "helpful" respondents: Yes, there most assuredly are dumb 19-year-olds in the world.
And some of them even have smart parents. Fancy that.
But even if they have dumb parents (because IQ is more or less inherited), that's no reason to jump up somebody's butt because they are seeking advice.
Maybe this mom doesn't know the politically correct way to say "dumb".
Not everybody speaks power-structure-ese.
Maybe she's tired of living with this demanding and unpleasant adult woman she gave birth to, and is getting older, and is hoping to grab some kind of happiness for herself before it's too late.
I don't understand the venom in this thread.
And while I don't have an answer to the OP's question, I do understand her problem, and I can sympathize.
What a cruddy situation.
i still pay for everything she wants and she can be very demanding.
Why? Why do you pay for everything she wants? Do you feel guilty because her daddy is not on the picture? You are really hurting your daughter by giving her everything she wants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjsmith
i have a boyfriend who wants to marry me but he doesnt want the responsibility of my daughter who he thinks should be on her own already.
There are people who believe that once a kids turns 18 they should be put out on the street. Is he one of those? Or does he just not like your daughter? Or does he think you are overindulging her and are going to continue doing so forever?
If the answer is that he doesn't like your daughter then he has to go. The other two reasons you can work with by setting a time line for your daughters independence and sticking to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjsmith
my daughter is a little slow in comprehending, in fact she's pretty dumb. I need help in getting her on her own, but im afraid what will happen to her.
I am not sure what do you mean by dumb. Will people take advantage of her or do you think she is too young to be on her own?
I believe that family is very important so even though we all need love and I can understand that you really want to marry your boyfriend, I would look at how it is all going to fit together.
Personally I think you should be very clear with the girl about her duties and responsibilities and so on and the consequences for not complying. I believe in corporal punishment so I would be thinking she needs a good whack on the backside to bring her to reality. I would also not force her to go to school. If she is lazy, then you will not achieve anything by forcing her to go to school. To me she needs to really want to go to school.
She has a job. She can pay for things. I think that you should stop paying for things for her. In fact she should be moving toward paying some board.
Personally I think you should be very clear with the girl about her duties and responsibilities and so on and the consequences for not complying. I believe in corporal punishment so I would be thinking she needs a good whack on the backside to bring her to reality.
"The girl" is a 19-year-old adult woman.
Not only is striking other adults against the law, but "the girl" is no doubt stronger than her mother, considering that she's a young woman in the prime of her physical health, while her mother is no doubt considerably older than that.
If "the girl" is mentally disabled, any physical violence committed against her person is even less advisable.
And, sorry, but I find your suggestion incongruous and creepy.
Are you, by chance, a fetishist?
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