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Those who are telling you it can be done mean it can be done for THEM. We do not know the details of your life, nor should you share them online with strangers.
We were able to go from 2 incomes to one income but my husband makes alot of money AND he is in his own practice so he has ZERO chance of losing his job (he could make less money but he won't fire himself). His business is also stable (he is a lawyer) so that while his income varies there is a stability to his employment that most people do not have. Only you can decide whether it was doable for you.
You have a chance to figure out if you really can live on one salary. Take your salary and put it all into savings (I assume you have direct deposit). Pay ONLY childcare expenses from that account. Give up what you need to to make it happen and see if that is a lifestyle you can accept. If it is then I would continue to work until you have a nice cushion of savings. Then, and only then can you decide if it will work for you.
You can't depend on other people to tell you that it can be done. It can be done FOR THEM but they can't tell if it can be done FOR YOU.
Not sure the point of this post?
No one is telling her it can be done for her. They are telling her what they did to get to the point where they are or suggestions; big difference.
And no ones job is 100% secure. Your husband's job is not insoluble. He could be barred from practicing law. He could have an enormous malpractice lawsuit placed against him. He could get ill and not proceed with full time employment. He has a higher level of education and skills to help him stay a course, but that does not guarantee 100% that for the rest of his life he will continually have clients & bring in an income...thus the word "zero" is a little arrogant to assume... My dad has been a lawyer for 39 years & based on this & the circle of family friends who are lawyers that were establishd over the years, I've seen many, many things. My mom has never had to go outside the home & work but that never meant they lived without using common sense that something could happen where she would have to...
My dh use to be in the military. I could say "zero" too. Pretty close to impossible to get laid off from the military . But a few minutes of thinking of the variables that go into the job tell me that "zero" isn't true nor should I rely on it.
If the OP & her sig other want to make it happen, best of luck. Maybe it will; maybe it won't. Sometimes financially there has to be two working parents based on pure need. We all know that much is true.
Just b/c YOUR husband has a steady job doesn't mean that is the plan EVERYONE else should go by.....your post, like everyone else's, is just suggesting different methods if, indeed, the OP seriously wants to become a SAHM.
I became a SAHM just over a year ago. My DS was 5, and a few months away from starting kindy. My DD was 2.
What we did to prepare, and because I'm an obsessive planner, was what some others have suggested. I would get my check, pay daycare out of it (because we wouldn't be paying that with me staying home) and put the rest into savings as though it didn't exist. We lived on my DH's salary for 3 or 4 months to see if it was possible. I got better at bargain shopping, and realized I could live without a lot of "extras." We made sure we had no credit card debt before we even considered it. We do, however, have a rewards card. We charge everything to that, pay off the balance every month, and we get cash back. We use that money to pay for Christmas.
Also, I spent that time doing a LOT of research into activities we could do together. Preferably free. I discovered www.mommiesnetwork.com, which became a great place to set up playdates. In the area where were living, there were weekly playdates. Most of the time, the playdates involved free activities b/c the other sahm were/are in the position of not having a lot of extra money to spend.
Now, about 15 months into it, I've gotten skilled enough at budgeting to be able to afford some of the extras again from time to time. And I'm loving it, don't regret the changes for a second.
I have never worked as a mom, but became a mom at an older age (late 30's) so my husband & I were very accustomed to a certain way of life.
I decided to stay home because at the time we adopted our first daughter,we were also in the middle of a relocation and it seemed to just make sense. Starting off in a new area as brand new parents,starting new jobs,I think that would have put me over the edge!
So, I have been home now for about 7 years....
The beginning was extremely difficult,I believe it was all the factors that we were dealing with at once,however,me not working,it was huge!
What an adjustment we made,I don't think I need to list all the "sacrafices" we made,I think that most of the people who have posted have made the same,but it was something to get use to.
I will tell you that for me,the most difficult part of working really wasn't the finances though... it was the isolation that I felt as a SAHM (and still feel to this day). I did all the playgroups,Mothers and More,music and Little Gym classes,etc... it wasn't the same as having that day to day interaction wtih adults.
I truly missed feeling as though I was accomplishing something (although of course I knew that I am doing the most important job-being with our daughter) but it was difficult.
I completely agree that if you are going to stay home,please be sure you have some type of "support" with you, I have never lived near my family or my close friends and so I was feeling very alone. I still feel very alone many times and some days it can just be awful.
My husband travels ALOT and I am alone with my children all of the time.
Make sure that you can take the time for yourself sometimes and there will be those that tell you that "they" don't need that alone time, I don't believe them.I think they are the ones kidding themselves.
Even if it is just a walk around the block or some time in a room alone,take it..
As a one time working professional, I found it very hard to admit to people that this was HARD. This job staying home was (is) HARD.
There are no "I am going to go take my break now" or " I am going to sit alone and eat my lunch now".... I found it difficult to let anyone know that sometimes I just didn't enjoy being at home.
It is a hard thing to admit but I admit it all the time now.
As the years have gone by (and they do go quickly!) I have gotten use to it and keep busy with my children's activities,etc... I still have those days though,we have still found ourselves relocating quite a bit for my husband's job so there still hasn't been a consistent support base for me.
We have just relocated about 5 months ago and hope that this is it for quite a while,especially since we have a child in elementary school now,we don't want to do that to her.
I do believe that it can be done,not without some compromise,but if you truly want to be at home,it can be done. Again,just be sure that you take that time for yourself when you can. I have a friend who makes sure that she and her husband have a "date night" once a month,that is a GREAT idea!
A concept we still need to put in place,but that is an entirely different topic babysitting! yikes!
Good luck to you and your family you do what you feel is truly best for you and them!
You cannot know that is true for the OP. You don't know the details of her life compared to yours. I am not picking on you specifically. I know others have said the same thing.
The other stuff you posted (I deleted it to make my response shorter) was good advice wrt determining whether they can afford it or not.
True enough. It was more of a general statement, more so thinking on a lot of people who really think they cant do it as they stand now, but with research and a little creativity, many who think they can not, can...if it's what they want. But it is definitely true that not everyone can, no matter how hard they try. Only the OP can really figure it out after looking at everything in front of her and figuring out the math and weighing the pros and cons.
It's really not possible or reasonable for any of us to give her the all clear on such a life-changing decision.
This is a public internet forum, not a private conversation b/w close family members who are personally involved.
If anyone is using the internet as their sole basis on making a life-changing decision, they have bigger issues than financial concerns.
The OP was just venting a very common sentiment for general information, not asking for posters to make the decision for her based on their experiences.
No one is telling her it can be done for her. They are telling her what they did to get to the point where they are or suggestions; big difference.
Yes some people are saying that anyone can do it. Go back and read.
And no ones job is 100% secure. Your husband's job is not insoluble. He could be barred from practicing law. He could have an enormous malpractice lawsuit placed against him. He could get ill and not proceed with full time employment. He has a higher level of education and skills to help him stay a course, but that does not guarantee 100% that for the rest of his life he will continually have clients & bring in an income...thus the word "zero" is a little arrogant to assume... My dad has been a lawyer for 39 years & based on this & the circle of family friends who are lawyers that were establishd over the years, I've seen many, many things. My mom has never had to go outside the home & work but that never meant they lived without using common sense that something could happen where she would have to...
True enough, but his job is secure enough for us to be willing to depend solely on his income.
My dh use to be in the military. I could say "zero" too. Pretty close to impossible to get laid off from the military . But a few minutes of thinking of the variables that go into the job tell me that "zero" isn't true nor should I rely on it.
So EVERY adult should ALWAYS have a job? That's not reasonable. There are clearly some jobs that are far easier to rely on than others.
If the OP & her sig other want to make it happen, best of luck. Maybe it will; maybe it won't. Sometimes financially there has to be two working parents based on pure need. We all know that much is true.
That's exactly what I said in my post.
Just b/c YOUR husband has a steady job doesn't mean that is the plan EVERYONE else should go by.....your post, like everyone else's, is just suggesting different methods if, indeed, the OP seriously wants to become a SAHM.
Perhaps you missed the end of my post where I wrote:
"You can't depend on other people to tell you that it can be done. It can be done FOR THEM but they can't tell if it can be done FOR YOU."
I think it can be done, but be sure to weigh the pros and cons.
Pros to sah-
-more time with kids
-more time for errands/chores so weekend is more free family time
-no more work expenses
Cons to sah-
-loss of income
-loss of social security contributions
-pressure on working spouse
-unstable economic times (what if working spouse loses job or dies?)
No one is telling her it can be done for her. They are telling her what they did to get to the point where they are or suggestions; big difference.
I disagree. Several people have said if she wants it bad enough it is possible no matter what their income or situation. I think mommabear's post is realistic.
The OP should also consider, not only if they can afford it now, but can they afford it in the future? Will you be able to afford to retire? Have to work longer before you retire?
My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I worked full time for 9 of those years (including the first 5 of my daughter's life). I worked for the first few years to pay bills, then we moved up to paying off debt and the 8th year was spent socking cash away into an 6-month living expenses emergency fund. The last year, we worked towards the goal of living on just my husband's salary. Every paycheck went into savings and we tried to see how we would do after a full year of just living on his income. I'm glad we did the full year because expenses come up (like car registration, furnace maintenance, Christmas, birthdays, vacations, etc) which can make or break your budget for a month.
I ended up being able to be a SAHM mom to my newborn and to my 6 year old. It took me almost a year to stop missing work and feel like I was really contributing. I volunteer at my daughter's school, participate in lots of PTO events, and have the housecleaning and cooking down to a science in order to spend as much time with my kids as I can. That was the whole point of staying home after all!
I would not discourage anyone from being a SAHM if they've done the following things:
1. Paid off all credit card debt.
2. Have at least 6 months of living expenses in savings.
3. Lived for a full year on just one salary. Make sure that as you go through the year, you've got money to pay for unexpected expenses too (like a trip to the dentist, the eye doctor, the pediatrician, the air conditioning repairman, etc). Only living for a few months doesn't give you an idea if you can make it.
You were concerned about how your lifestyle would be affected by this change, but only you can answer that. I don't know many people who live lavishly on just one income. Actually, there aren't many who are doing well on 2 incomes! You may not be able to eat out as much as you usually do, but then again, you won't be as tired when getting home from working all day that you may actually WANT to make dinner! I don't have as many shoes in my closet and when we eat out, we usually go to lunch (it's cheaper), but in exchange, I get to be there with my kids.
Also, as far as feeling fulfilled by being a SAHM, I can only tell you what I've discovered. I'm not one of those moms who waxes poetic about the joy of being there for every minute of my children's lives. Those moms are great, but I am not a member of that club. Sometimes I need a break and need some adult conversation. It took me nearly a year to get a routine down that gave me time with my kids AND left me personally fulfilled. Leaving the workplace just made me find a different avenue to socialize, use my talents/abilities and manage my time. I don't miss work at all (a year later) and I used to be the one who would get to work early and leave late.
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babysitting! yikes!
