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I have spanked my children. I think it basically looses its effectiveness after a certain age...about 8 or 9 years old. There are levels of discipline in our home.
1. Immediate spanking. Safety issues like touching a light socket, unbuckling your car seat/seat belt, ect. There are just somethings that I don't compromise about and these are a couple of examples. Really about the only ones. After a sharp NO! and a swat on the diaper or hand they learned real fast to not touch. Same thing at the grocery store for putting your hands outside the buggy. Keep your hands to yourself. They come outside the boundaries of the buggy they get swatted. It don't take long they know better.
2. Warning to stop whatever it is that you are not supposed to be doing. I warn X then if I need to say it again I will swat them X on the bottom. NOT bare EVER.
3. If I need to do it again it will be X. It is rarely more than that.
After they have gotten older I have used a belt but I prefer my hand.... I can better judge how hard the swats are with my hand as opposed to a belt or switch.
In Oklahoma the State Senate passed a resolution saying it is OK for a parent to discipline a child by spanking with a belt, switch, or hand on the bottom as long as they don't have a mark left longer than 2 hours.
I think if it is longer than 2 hours that isn't a spanking that is abusive. I have NEVER left a mark on my child that lasted more than 10 min or so. Mainly it gets their attention VERY QUICKLY. That is the point. And then we move on.
Just don't be suprised when your kid ends up as a rebellious teen, hits other people because he's learned its ok, or when he's finally gotten tired of it and hits you back to make you stop. Spanking does not help all kids. It didn't do anything for me. When the sting went away I just waited until the parents weren't looking this time to do it again Maybe it works for some, but not everyone.
My mother basically stopped when I was stronger and taller than her and she couldn't physically force me. Once she took a swing and I just caught her hand in midair and held it until she finally realized her son was physically stronger than her now and calmed herself down. Thats when it ended for good. She simply fell back on yelling and lecturing at that point.
Just don't be suprised when your kid ends up as a rebellious teen, hits other people because he's learned its ok, or when he's finally gotten tired of it and hits you back to make you stop. Spanking does not help all kids. It didn't do anything for me. When the sting went away I just waited until the parents weren't looking this time to do it again Maybe it works for some, but not everyone.
My mother basically stopped when I was stronger and taller than her and she couldn't physically force me. Once she took a swing and I just caught her hand in midair and held it until she finally realized her son was physically stronger than her now and calmed herself down. Thats when it ended for good. She simply fell back on yelling and lecturing at that point.
And how would sitting in time-out have been better?
This is such a great illustration of why training should never be done in anger. The purpose of spanking is not revenge for angering the parent, but it is to train the rebellion out of the child. As you said, apparently your parents didn't understand this.
And how would sitting in time-out have been better?
This is such a great illustration of why training should never be done in anger. The purpose of spanking is not revenge for angering the parent, but it is to train the rebellion out of the child. As you said, apparently your parents didn't understand this.
Maybe the rebellion is already a part of who they are and can't be "trained" out?
Some people just don't like to be controlled no matter what you do to em. You may be able to control them to some aspect, but that doesn't mean they aren't being rebelious or thinking about it.
I was spanked until I was nearly 15, and in no way did I find it "kinky."
My comment was meant to be a funny way of saying that I don't think it's appropriate to hit adolescents. Adolescent children should be moving towards self control, not the external control that is exerted by a parent who spanks.
I don't spank but I am not vehemently against it either. I have been able to find better ways to teach my children discipline, but I don't begrudge other parents their own methods of teaching. I do think that spanking needs to be reduced as kids head towards adolescence.
I heard two teens talking and one said to the other "I wouldn't care if my mom just hit me, but my mom is really mean. She takes away my phone." Non physical consequences are much more appropriate for adolescents.
My comment was meant to be a funny way of saying that I don't think it's appropriate to hit adolescents. Adolescent children should be moving towards self control, not the external control that is exerted by a parent who spanks.
I don't spank but I am not vehemently against it either. I have been able to find better ways to teach my children discipline, but I don't begrudge other parents their own methods of teaching. I do think that spanking needs to be reduced as kids head towards adolescence.
I heard two teens talking and one said to the other "I wouldn't care if my mom just hit me, but my mom is really mean. She takes away my phone." Non physical consequences are much more appropriate for adolescents.
That's absolutely right. I know my older kids would gladly take a whack on the bum rather than me taking away phone, internet, or ps3 privledges.
I do spank my younger 2 (4 & 22mos.). One or two swats on the diaper or the hand depending on what they were doing and for the 4 yr old a swat or two on his butt with clothes on. Even the 4 yr old doesn't get one that often now, I honestly couldn't tell you when the last spanking he got was.
I think it's more of a tool when they don't understand what you are saying to them, after they begin talking and have better reasoning skills, it's not really necessary. For my kids anyway.
I think it's more of a case by case situation. Every child responds differently and has their own personality. As for my daughter, at the moment all you have to do is come down to her eye level and talk to her. I don't think she will be one that has to be spanked other than a swat here or there. As to the OP's question. I had some friends who's parents spanked them bare. The only times it happend to my brother and I was during bath times when we would fight. Most of our spankings were bent over the bed. We always got the belt. Our parents tried time-out but it just wasn't useful for my brother and I.
I spanked my kids with their clothes on and just warmed their bottoms a bit untill they knew they crossed the limited . Kids learn real quick what the limit is when applied effectively. I stopped spanking around ten or 11 and then on it was grounded to the bedroom or house and things were taken out of the bedroom such as tv telephone and any privledges were taken away such as having friends over and such .
Maybe the rebellion is already a part of who they are and can't be "trained" out?
Some people just don't like to be controlled no matter what you do to em. You may be able to control them to some aspect, but that doesn't mean they aren't being rebelious or thinking about it.
I think most kids rebell.
To me when a person rebells, then they should be punished.
To me that is one advantage of a spanking. It shows they crossed the line.
At the same time, it is not the end of the world. They pushed the limit, they crossed the line, they got punished. Moove on.
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Maybe it works for some, but not everyone.