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A relative of mine is 14 years old and is a certified genius. He is just amazing and so well read and intellectual. He is definitely not one of the boys when he throws out all those ideas and intellectual analysis. His IQ is almost 160 which makes him one in a thousand. But his social skills is more like a college professor or math wiz. He does alot better with adults who are also intellectual like him. He talks like he is an adult, not a 14 year old. He gets beat up by the other kids because he comes on so intellectually confident.
Should my sister give up trying to link him up with the other kids his age and just hope that once he gets older he will find a peer group? Or should she still force him into groups with kids his own age, who ignore him and him them. So far no matter how hard they have tried they can not find any kids his own age that have anything to do with him. He wants to talk politics and economics and the kids want to talk about tennis shoes and baseball. They have tried different interest groups but the kids get one minute of his analysis and they are tired of him.
Reminds me of when I worked on an assembly line job during an period of unemployment and no matter how hard I tried I could not relate to the people I worked with, they were not my intellectual equal and they tired of my conversation choices.
What should be done with the little genius?
Last edited by Weekend Traveler; 07-10-2009 at 02:58 PM..
I would never force him to hang with kids who either don't want to be with him or who make him feel like the odd man out. perhaps there is a group of kids that share the same likes he could get involved with. maybe music, or an art group. a book club a science club? even being brilliant there must be something that he can relate to on his own age level. if not then just make sure he is enjoying his life and growing and feeling loved.
It is a waste of time to force him into these groups. He can be next to these kids 24/7, but he doesn't know what to do with them. He should be seeing a social worker or counselor that can help him learn how to interact in the way the other kids expect him to.
He is a genius, he can certainly learn how to relate to kids his age. Like my son, social finess was not something innate like it is for most people. Someone has to teach it to him, and as you probably already know, it can not be his parents.
When I discussed this no friend issue with the psychologist, he said it's just like you or I learning to play the piano, you know what the key sounds like, but you don't know how to put them together so they sound good. SOmeone must show you how to put them together, you practice, and eventually you can do it on your own.
My son has Aspergers, so I understand the pain your sister feels when her son has no friends. There are days when I pick up my 9-year-old son from the after school daycare, and he is sitting by himself while all the other kids are playing and laughing, and in tears he says, "I have no friends, nobody like me."
Your posting below was great but I disagree that every kid can learn to make friends. If someone is so smart that they have a super IQ (160), they just do not think like the other kids. What if you with an average IQ were forced to interact all day with idiots with IQ's of 60? Would you be able to make good friendships with those people? I doubt it. He is as far above the kids in his class mentally and intellectually as you are over the idiot I just described.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1phwalls
It is a waste of time to force him into these groups. He can be next to these kids 24/7, but he doesn't know what to do with them. He should be seeing a social worker or counselor that can help him learn how to interact in the way the other kids expect him to.
He is a genius, he can certainly learn how to relate to kids his age. Like my son, social finess was not something innate like it is for most people. Someone has to teach it to him, and as you probably already know, it can not be his parents.
When I discussed this no friend issue with the psychologist, he said it's just like you or I learning to play the piano, you know what the key sounds like, but you don't know how to put them together so they sound good. SOmeone must show you how to put them together, you practice, and eventually you can do it on your own.
My son has Aspergers, so I understand the pain your sister feels when her son has no friends. There are days when I pick up my 9-year-old son from the after school daycare, and he is sitting by himself while all the other kids are playing and laughing, and in tears he says, "I have no friends, nobody like me."
Yes I understand that he is smart, but he is capable of "dumming" himself down just to get by. If he is talking over their heads, why would they want to talk to him? He probably doesn't realize when he is doing it. This is why I said he can learn how to relate. He's probably talking to them about things he likes and understands instead of what they like and understand.
The example I used with me sister - a bunch of kids are standing around talking about the awesome touchdown pass and how amazing it was, and he comes over and starts talking about the general theory of relativity and when he accelerated at that pivot point his kinetic energy created a velocity that was unstoppable.
Who wants this boy to have friends? His mother, or him? Is he happy with his non-friend status?
Has she looked for anything online for genius kids, like mensa?
I had originally assumed that he just needed enough social skills to get by and not seem so odd, but if it's true friendship he needs, than he needs to find other similarly smart kids.
I work with some pretty unintelligent people, it makes me insane. I feel like I am talking to the wall! I could never be friends with them, and I am not a genius!
What does he like to do? He is probably old enough to join a local chess, astronomy, or other club where people of all ages share their passion for an activity. He may find it easier to deal with others if they share an interest.
He needs to find friends on his level who share his interests no matter what age they are. At 14, he is old enough for adult friends. If he can't make friends and learn to get along with people, he may get in real trouble.
Second, if he is truly lacking in social skills, then counseling would help. Otherwise, if its just that he really cannot relate to same age peers, he just needs to be around people more like him. Like someone else said, that may require going out of his age group. It also may require seeking out things like junior docent opportunities, junior internships, special clubs outside of the school district/local community. If he is a gifted writer, perhaps his parents can see about getting him into a writer's workshop at the local continuing ed program (if there is one). Things like that.
And, I have a very bright child, not 160, perhaps 15-20 IQ points lower, but he has difficulty with social situations. Yet, he will have a blast talking to the docents at the local Natural History Museum. He's like 1phwalls kid though - he WANTS to fit in, so we are working on it. Its hard being different. When these really smart kids grow up, the wide wide world will offer them more opportunity to be around their intellectual peers (if they seek it out) and it will be easier.
Second, if he is truly lacking in social skills, then counseling would help. Otherwise, if its just that he really cannot relate to same age peers, he just needs to be around people more like him. Like someone else said, that may require going out of his age group. It also may require seeking out things like junior docent opportunities, junior internships, special clubs outside of the school district/local community. If he is a gifted writer, perhaps his parents can see about getting him into a writer's workshop at the local continuing ed program (if there is one). Things like that.
And, I have a very bright child, not 160, perhaps 15-20 IQ points lower, but he has difficulty with social situations. Yet, he will have a blast talking to the docents at the local Natural History Museum. He's like 1phwalls kid though - he WANTS to fit in, so we are working on it. Its hard being different. When these really smart kids grow up, the wide wide world will offer them more opportunity to be around their intellectual peers (if they seek it out) and it will be easier.
I guess I am lucky. My son also has a very high IQ but he gets along very well in social situations. Maybe because he likes sports??
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