Does Your Child Follow You Around the House? (babysitter, cartoons, ideas)

[hautemomma]

My child will soon be starting Kindergarten. I remember much of my childhood, including my early childhood (say ages 2+). Anyway, I distinctly remember being able to play by myself; my older brother and I entertained ourselves without being told to and WANTED to. While we hung out with our parents sometimes, we each had our own rooms, own toys, active imaginations. Even though I grew up in a two-career household, I didn't feel like I lacked time with my full-time-working parents. Being around them in the evenings and on the weekends was adequate to me.

BUT ...

My five year old follows me from room to room. If I get up to go to the bathroom, she immediately gets up and will watch me in the bathroom. If I go in the kitchen to get a glass of water, there she is. If I'm sitting with a cup of coffee watching the news, she sits next to me - right next to me - touching (she makes sure she is).

I have few recollections of needing to be in my mother's space so much, particularly at five years old. She is a sweet, intelligent and imaginative child. She is very smart - already reading at a second-grade level and doing math. I read to her, play games with her, let her help me cook, talk to her about our days and many other topics, go to the park, visit museums, engage in extracurricular activities and more with my children. So I don't think she has any real reason to feel like we don't spend quality time together that will reflect positively on her formative years.

As you may imagine, the ceaseless proximity and following can wear a person down. It gradually stresses me out. I can't even pee in peace. Is this normal for a five year old? When I was five, I played in my room, outside, downstairs, with dolls, games, toys, pencils, crayons and paper, etc., but it seems like I often have to direct my child or constantly entertain her.

This is a drain on me and my marriage. By the time bedtime comes, I am ready to hit the sack myself - which leaves my better half flummoxed, too.

Help!

[nd4me]

Hi,
My children are older now, but I do remember them often being in the same room as me. If I was in the TV room, they were, if in the kitchen, so were they. But, I don't remember things being that instrusive. Altho, once while trying to take a bath, my daughter wanted me to see the picture she drew and I repeatedly told her I would see it when I was done. But she was persistent and then the next thing I knew she was using a large board book to scoot the picture in under the door. I told her it was still too far away and I would see it when I was done. Well, a minute later another board book came along to scoot the first book and picture closer until I finally had to aknowledge her work. Its a good family laugh now.

She is old enough for you to talk to her and together come up with a plan that she could agree with and you could work on together. Maybe start with a 15 minute play time in her room, and then add to the time as she becomes more independent. Use a chart for her to keep track on so she can see her success. Give her a couple options of what she could do while you are in the kitchen or bathroom. Do you want to color a picture or read a book in your room while I use the bathroom? This will tell her you need your space, but also gives her some control over the situation. A trip to the park or for ice cream when she has 10 stars on her chart. Next time she has to have 12 stars, and then a special mom time. Etc. Be sure you come up with the plan together so she has some input and you could even have her help with the procedures and ideas of things she can do on her own. It could be like a contract that you both sign. Well, you get the idea. I'm sure you will get more ideas. Good Luck.

[Belinda_Cooperstone1]

Originally Posted by hautemomma

My child will soon be starting Kindergarten. I remember much of my childhood, including my early childhood (say ages 2+). Anyway, I distinctly remember being able to play by myself; my older brother and I entertained ourselves without being told to and WANTED to. While we hung out with our parents sometimes, we each had our own rooms, own toys, active imaginations. Even though I grew up in a two-career household, I didn't feel like I lacked time with my full-time-working parents. Being around them in the evenings and on the weekends was adequate to me.

BUT ...

My five year old follows me from room to room. If I get up to go to the bathroom, she immediately gets up and will watch me in the bathroom. If I go in the kitchen to get a glass of water, there she is. If I'm sitting with a cup of coffee watching the news, she sits next to me - right next to me - touching (she makes sure she is).

I have few recollections of needing to be in my mother's space so much, particularly at five years old. She is a sweet, intelligent and imaginative child. She is very smart - already reading at a second-grade level and doing math. I read to her, play games with her, let her help me cook, talk to her about our days and many other topics, go to the park, visit museums, engage in extracurricular activities and more with my children. So I don't think she has any real reason to feel like we don't spend quality time together that will reflect positively on her formative years.

As you may imagine, the ceaseless proximity and following can wear a person down. It gradually stresses me out. I can't even pee in peace. Is this normal for a five year old? When I was five, I played in my room, outside, downstairs, with dolls, games, toys, pencils, crayons and paper, etc., but it seems like I often have to direct my child or constantly entertain her.

This is a drain on me and my marriage. By the time bedtime comes, I am ready to hit the sack myself - which leaves my better half flummoxed, too.

Help!

Seems to me you have a little best friend following you around. Reading this made me smile. I think that because you do so much with her and because you are around her so much, she likes it and wants more. To her you are her playmate, you are her entertainer and you are her activities coordinator. She likes spending time with you.

With that said, I know it is tiresome having her in your space 24/7. So perhaps introduce alone time activities. The best one that comes to mind is colouring. Have her sit in the room you are in and colour a picture by herself. Have her make you some sort of craft. She may need to learn to do somethings on her own, with out you around all the time. Show her it is ok to do things on her own. Maybe set up a "alone time play" meaning she has to play something by herself in her room (for example) start with 10 mins. Then 15 then 30 etc. Eventually she will learn to play alone and know you will still be there.

It is good for kids to have alone time as well, it allows them to use their imagination. Here is a sad example of a child being around mom to much.

I have a wonderful mother, she was the best for my sister and I. She raised us to be confident and respectful women. I adore her. But with my younger brother, who is 10 years younger than me. She babied him to no end (I am not saying you are babying your daughter) but he followed her every where, he was around adults all the time and he seemed to be older beyond his years. I remember when he was 7, I went outside to play with him and we were on his swingset and I said "Run, jump on the swing the crocidiles will get you" he stopped and looked at me and said "There is no crocidiles it is only grass." I said "Where is your imagination?" he said " What is imagination?" I said "pretend play" he said "Who would pretend to play?"

Turns out he never played make belief or super heros. And because of this he was a bit of a loner with the other kids his age. So you should try to have your daughter play alone and have her use her imagination. I know it is hard but she will benefit from it.

[suzie02]

My 4yo does the same thing. The only time I get a reprieve is when she is watching cartoons. I am going to try some of the ideas from pp.

[nuala]

Does she have a brother or sister to play with?

My kids spend a lion share of time playing with each other (4.5 and 6), - they feed each other's imagination.

Personality is built-in, and that is hard to change. My older daughter needs attention very much and she'd drive me very tired if she were the only child (probably, your dd is the same type). My son, on the other hand, is the perfect "seen but not heard" child when left alone.

Edited: re-reading, I see that you have other children. So, she prefers following you to engaging with them?

[hypocore]

Has she always been like this, or is it something recent?
That kind of clinging is usually done by the time they turn three, from what I learned in my early childhood classes.

If it's not recent, then maybe she's simply never truly learned how to play on her own, or more that she doesn't know how to entertain herself. That will take time and commitment to help her learn that. She has to first understand that it is ok to be by herself, to enjoy something without you at her side and vice versa. So, start small. Have her color (like already mentioned) at the dining table while you sit across the table from her. Then advance it to you washing dishes, but she stays where she is. Tell her you expect her to continue while you use the restroom and you will be right back. Talk to her if you want from there, but don't allow her inside with you. Slow separations growing to longer ones. The work on her doing things on her own, like reading a book in her room while you are in the living room. Or putting together a puzzle at the table while you are in your room.

Also, use other people to take over supervision of her from you. Dad, g'ma, friend or babysitter. Let dad play with her while you take a bath, and make sure everyone knows it's YOUR time alone. Do not disturb. Have someone stay with her while you go get groceries or get your hair cut or whatever errand needs running.

If it is recent, then I wonder if something has happened to trigger her insecurity. Perhaps she's fearful of Kindergarten or some other change up coming. Is there a new baby on the way? Are you moving in the near future? Or was there a loss in the family that maybe she is connecting to the possibility of you leaving her?

Either way, Kindergarten transition could be a nightmare if you can't help her gain independence between now and then. Good luck!

[andthentherewere3]

My 5 year old son is exactly the same way, he won't leave me alone for a minute. I have been explaining for some time now about needing privacy in the bathroom, and will lock the door behind me. If I forget to lock it, he will open it and say, "I've got your privacy!!" LOL! He has begun wanting his own privacy though, so at least that is starting to sink in. Otherwise he still follows me around, and tells me I am supposed to play with him. Even when my dh comes home, my little one will still shadow me. It's nothing new, he's always been like this, but I did think he'd become a little more independent by now. I'm sure it's because his siblings are much older, teenagers. When they were little they had each other to play with. My youngest doesn't have that, and he is not interested in coloring, or doing many of the things most other children that age do. He likes to help me clean, garden, etc. He knows the names of all our flowers, shrubs, trees, etc., but isn't very big on toys. Occasionally he will create some K'nex design, and have me hang it around the house, but that's the extent of his independent play. I'm lucky if he'll play by himself for a half hour altogether each day. Right now he's next to me and begging me to make pancakes with him. I am thinking that once kindergarten starts at least I'll have some more time to myself (he'll be going 3 hours a day) and the rest will take care of itself naturally, as he matures. I just tell myself this won't last forever, and that one day I will look back and miss these days.

[hautemomma]

Does anyone think this has to do with how much time we spend with our kids and the types of activities we do when with them?When I was young, going to McDonalds, the park, the library, museums, day trips, etc. were REAL, unexpected and infrequent treats. When I was young, my parents rarely read to us that I recall, much less than 3-5 books per night. They did not sit at a table with us and color. They did not paint alongside us. They played card games and board games with us, but only when we were older.Perhaps there is a different level of parental engagement that has been thrust upon parents of my generation or parents of young children right now, and we have played into it, thus slowing the independence and imaginations of our children.I also have a two-year-old daughter. She and the five-year-old play together at times, but I am frequently refereeing, as the older one will do things to **** her off on purpose, like take a toy she sees her going after or sit next to me quickly when she sees her coming my way.

[virgode]

I'm assuming this is an only child? Could be a big factor.
I had two children a yr. apart in age, never had a problem,
they seemed to have each other and kept busy.
I'm a grand parent now, my son has two girls 10 yrs apart.
I've spent alot of time with them, I wouldn't trade the
experience for anything in the world, but each of them has
done the following around routine with me, like my little
shadow. One thing nice about it is they love to cook bc
of all the kitchen time and that includes the 3yr old.
I quess, I have a bit of a different take on it being a
grandparent, but do understand your frustration.

[virgode]

Just saw your new post, that rules out the only child theory.
If you are a stay home Mom, it could help, to get her into
some kind activity with other kids, possibly a couple times
a week?? Just a thought.