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hi everyone,
i am really upset because someone has planted a seed of doubt in my brain that wont go away!!
i was at the bank with my son (3) and in his usual fashion, asked for a lollipop and then went on his way to walk around the bank ignoring my calls because he knows i dont want him to get away from me. he went to sit in one of the managers office and commenced to play at their computer.
the bank is very freindly toward us for different reasons and kind of lets him be.
i was talking to 2 of the tellers and as my son walked away on his tiptoes, i said, "like talking to the wall" meaning how he ignored the fact that i was calling him. he is VERY independant and loves to walk around cause he doesnt understand danger as much as i would like.
one teller says to me "he walk on his tiptoes?" i said yes, we cant seem to make him stop...
she gives a look to the teller next to her who gives her a meaningful nod and the first teller says to me "please dont be mad, but i want to say something". i already knew what was coming cause they both became very serious, and teller 1 has a son with autism.
she basically told me that my son has displayed familiar traits and that i should just get him checked out. the younger you know the better, she said. she even gave me her cell # in case i needed anything. i have seen her son once, and yes i noticed right away that something was off and that he was probably autistic. but he was older --(6-8) and so maybe this is just a progression of the disability.
now, being kind of in a public place and knowing what was coming, i just said thank you, asked when her son was diagnosed (age 2) and then just went on my way calmly as i could and without trying to offend her.
i almost fainted on my way home, my heart was POUNDNG so hard.
i tried to stay as calm as i could around my son, who asked to watch a movie when we got home....
i started to pace thinking what can i do?? so without acting like what i percieve as complete lunacy by driving him directly to the doctor, i called her office and asked to have the nurse call me back.
when she finally called i basically broke down crying and explaind what happened. the first words out of the nurse's mouth were "NO NO NO!!"
he had just been in last friday cause of an ear infection, and has been in quite a lot because he started school last month and has started to get sick more often due to new germs---so these people have seen my son in action.
he also just recently had his 3 year old evaluation to see how he is progressing and the nurse proceeded to remind me of how high he scored on everything. she told me what this woman did to me was cruel and to please not worry, go give my son a hug and that he was fine.--that they would have seen something during his visits.
my poor son, seeing me break down got worried and came over to ask what was wrong and asked for daddy...lol
so of course i want desperately to believe the medical professionals who tell me they have seen NOTHING that points to him having any sort of autism.
but for some reason this mother who knows what it is first hand---but who has only seen my son 3 or 4 times has had me looking at and nitpicking my son's behaviors.:
he ignores me when i want him to stop doing things that he wants to continue doing, he drives me up the wall every day, he walks on tiptoes, loves to wrestle me to the ground, will talk all day if you dont ask him to be quiet once in a while---but actual conversation, no gibberish and no repeating. and until today looked to me like the typical pain in the neck little boy. he loves people and kids, is very social and not shy at all----like i wish he would be sometimes.
is there something that is mom is seeing that i am not??
Does he have periods when he seems withdrawn, "down", depressed? Watch (passively) for signs of manic/depression (bi-polar). Mood swings. If yes, let a child psychiatrist or doctor know.
That being said, it may just be a (developmental) phase.
If he is asking strangers at the bank for lollipops, then he doesn't seem at all autistic. Yes, some say that walking on toes can be a sign, but it's also something kids do. My 3 year old does it form time to time too. She does a lot of weird things, because 3 year olds like to try different things, but she is far from autistic.
First, calm down and try to get some perspective. I think it is normal for a child that age to walk away and not listen when you call for him to come back. I don't know about the tip-toes thing. When I first started reading your post, I thought "wow, this mom needs to gain some control." Sorry. Trying to be honest. Normal or not, my kid would have been punished for going into an office and playing with a bank computer! They need to be taught that certain things are off limits! Hopefully the well-meaning people at the bank are wrong, and your son is not autistic. However, sometimes outsiders can more easily recognize abnormal behavior than a parent can. I've seen it happen with less serious things, like speech issues. You won't know unless you talk to your doctor. Even though your doctor has seen your child recently, the doc wasn't looking for and may not have noticed signs of autism. Do some research, keep your eyes open, and if you think there is a possibility, have him evaluated by a professional.
one teller says to me "he walk on his tiptoes?" i said yes, we cant seem to make him stop...
she gives a look to the teller next to her who gives her a meaningful nod and the first teller says to me "please dont be mad, but i want to say something". i already knew what was coming cause they both became very serious, and teller 1 has a son with autism.
Please stop worrying. Walking on tip toe is very common for children. In fact, I did it when I was little, my son did it when he was little and I have a neighbor who's little boy also does it. (For the record....none of the above persons are autistic). Go with what your Doctor says.
Moms generally know what is and what is not a problem with their kids. Even though we don't want to, we compare them to our friends' kids and other school children for developmental patterns. You said he is also in school and no one has indicated a problem at school or the doctor's office. Trust in your doctor and what you already know as your toddler's primary care giver.
It really sounds like you have a healthy and energetic young son. This is wonderful news that I'll bet the bank teller wishes she had. In the end, your anger and worry is normal, but I think the teller was really trying to help and didn't mean to offend or upset you. Perhaps her own pain and sadness led her to say something. Who knows?
I can't tell you how many times I heard unwanted, unsolicited opinions from in-laws and strangers while raising my three children. It kind of comes with having kids, but it is hurtful and makes you question a lot of what you think you know. Over many years I heard things such as my daughter would have crooked legs, need dental treatments and implants, my son was ADHD, my daughter had an eating disorder....you get the picture. Not one of these has been the case, but I was a mess for each opinion stated. And none of them were from my pediatrician, just onlookers, even well meaning ones.
So, take a deep breath, pick up your little one and enjoy the rest of your day together! Ignore what you heard and remember that you have a great son and a very competent doctor. Hope you feel a little better!
Does he have periods when he seems withdrawn, "down", depressed? Watch (passively) for signs of manic/depression (bi-polar). Mood swings. If yes, let a child psychiatrist or doctor know.
That being said, it may just be a (developmental) phase.
no he doesnt have any withdrawn times, does play alone but always wants me to sit and play with him. i do have to say no in order to get thingsdone around the house.
I'd ignore the bank teller; if you've never thought before now that he might have a problem, chances are slim to none that he does have a problem.
This, however, I find a problem:
Quote:
ignoring my calls because he knows i dont want him to get away from me. he went to sit in one of the managers office and commenced to play at their computer.
I'm sorry, but allowing your son to walk around the bank and play with someone's computer (!) is unacceptable. Next time, hold his hand, or leave your place in line to go grab your kid. What if he broke the computer or crashed their system??
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Go with what your Doctor says.
Hope you feel a little better!
