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Absolutely true. One of the main reasons I'm having trouble wanting to have a kid is because of the world I'd be bringing it into.
and also, selfishly, because the idea of growing something in my stomach grosses me out.
Will all this stop me from having one in my 30s though? probably not. My husband will likely hold it over my head that he NEEDS to have a child to feel validated. HIM. Not me. A part of me hopes I find out I won't be able to have children anyway.
I hope so, too. Your marriage doesn't sound like a great place to bring a kid into.
And pssst. The fetus doesn't grow in your stomach. There's a special organ for that called a "uterus". And it's not quite as gross as, say, a tumor.
My sister did go and have kids because everyone else was. Worse than that, because we were, and she was scared that we would have kids and get more attention than her. When we announced we were having a baby, she and her husband annouced the same about 6 weeks later.
She ended up having three kids. She has been divorced three times, she cannot support her children. One lives with our parents, the other two with their father. (One got kicked out of school for the year for selling alcohol at school so he will have to repeat the 8th grade next year.) She cannot work or keep a job, is not at all involved in her kid's lives. She only had kids, remember, because we were.
She lacks the mental or professional capability to care for kids. The kids are suffering because of her, my [arents cannot retire because they have had to raise them for her and my dad at 70 something still works fulltime and pays for everything ffor my sister and her kids. If ever there was an example of someone who had kids for the wrong reason and in fact, never should have had kids, then this is that example.
That being said, my wife and I have two sons, and we raise them ourselves, always have always will. No daycare, nothing. When the kids want something, we have them work for it, and if we need more money, then we go out and work for it. We are fortunate to work in professional fields where there is a demand. We pay for our own vacations, for the kids to do things like theater lessons and soccer, and we keep them well fed and well dressed.
My sister relies on my parents to pay for everything from groceries to clothes for her kids.
When they are gone, she is sunk. I moved 2000 miles to get away from all of them, and she will never get so much as a hello from me.
I did suggest that she look into joining the Mormons though. They seem to have a good welfare system. Not sure if they would accept her Lesbian teenage daughter though.
We all should, because people having kids for all the wrong reasons are the kids who usually grow up to be troubled adults which affects us all.
Adults having kids for their own selfish reasons and not actually for the joy and responsibility of raising a child is a real problem in society.
I didn't read the whole thread but your logic here is flawed
if all kids are conceived for selfish reasons and kids conceived for selfish reasons usually grow up to be troubled adults then all adults would be troubled (with rare exceptions that you have not described reasons for)
I also challenge you to describe and "unselfish reason" for doing anything. According to many of your arguments there is not one, therefore why make it a goal?
I'm a parent and know many other parents, and I can't point to a single one that had children for "selfish reasons", at least ones so obvious anyone else would know.
Many have additional kids for altruistic selfish reasons. Oh, they just "had to" have a girl or a boy when they already have 2-3 other kids of one particular gender. That type of mentality makes zero sense to me. The world is already crowded enough without you trying to have a kid of a particular gender you desire.
Many have additional kids for altruistic selfish reasons. Oh, they just "had to" have a girl or a boy when they already have 2-3 other kids of one particular gender. That type of mentality makes zero sense to me. The world is already crowded enough without you trying to have a kid of a particular gender you desire.
Different strokes for different folks, as the saying goes. If a couple can afford three or four kids then the number children in the family is of no concern to anybody else. I think we live in a wonderful country where women have the freedom to do what they wish with their bodies. It's a simple matter of CHOICE. Btw, do you go to third world countries and lecture families there about family planning?
I'm a parent and know many other parents, and I can't point to a single one that had children for "selfish reasons", at least ones so obvious anyone else would know.
Interesting. Most people, when they found out we had decided not to have kids, always asked who was going to look after us when we're older, who was going to come for family dinners on special occasions, and who was going to carry on the family name/legacy. These seem to indicate at least some sort of conscious motivation for starting a family.
We also know couples with 2-3 children of one gender who feel that "maybe one more" would be great. They never admit they specifically want a boy or girl. And then there are the single-child couples who want "one more", just so their current child isn't denied the wonderful experience of a sibling.
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