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My soon to be 13 yo. daughter had yet another friend who's father has taken their life. About 5 years ago her best friend's father committed suicide and we just found out today that another one of her friend's father did the same. Also in the last 5 years two of her other friends had parents die from cancer.
This has been and is upsetting for my daughter as she wants to be able to comfort her friends but has no clue what to say or do especially when they lose a parent so suddenly to suicide.
I feel so bad for her friends as well and I find that I too am at a loss as to what to say or do that doesn't seem like I'm over dwelling on their loss or that I am under concerned.
It's just so sad all the way around that kids so young lose a parent and that their remaining parent loses a spouse.
Anyone else been through this? If so how did you handle it?
wow, i am so sorry to hear that. my goodness, that is a lot for a 13 yo to have to think about---and its not her immediate family.
there isnt much you can say. maybe just show them you will be there, by being present in their life. "we dont have to talk about it if you dont want to, but if you do, please know i am here for you and will listen"....
My best friend's father committed suicide when we were 10. I didn't know what to say then, neither - but, she needed things to go the way they always went, the play and spending time together... Especially since her mom was so overwhelmed with carrying the household - little money, little brother. She learned to cook and stand for herself very fast... I think your dd's friend just needs normalcy, at least outside her home.
Thanks you all. I know normalcy is the best thing, but it's just so hard to do as things are no longer normal.
We have been trying to keep things as normal as possible with the one friend who lost her dad 5 years ago, and it has helped her a lot, but she still has her moments when something is said or done that reminds her of the fact that her dad is no longer around. Sometimes we unintentionally say or do something that will upset her in all of our keeping things normal. I know she is an overly sensitive child so she will probably react no matter what we say or do. Her father was bi-polar and I think she worries that she may end up being bi-polar as well. Her mom has her in counseling and on meds. because she is already suffering from depression from the loss of her father.
The other girl was her daddy's girl and is pretty much an only child. She has an older sister who has been out of the home for a few years now and up until the past year or so everything was going great and everyone was really happy. Then things started going wrong with his business and the stress and everything just put him into a deep funk that he couldn't pull himself out of. They even had gotten him to Dr.s and on meds. They saw it coming and tried everything they could to keep it from happening. This has got to be painful for the girl as she may be feeling that she didn't do enough or wasn't good enough to keep her daddy from taking his life.
My soon to be 13 yo. daughter had yet another friend who's father has taken their life. About 5 years ago her best friend's father committed suicide and we just found out today that another one of her friend's father did the same. Also in the last 5 years two of her other friends had parents die from cancer.
This has been and is upsetting for my daughter as she wants to be able to comfort her friends but has no clue what to say or do especially when they lose a parent so suddenly to suicide.
I feel so bad for her friends as well and I find that I too am at a loss as to what to say or do that doesn't seem like I'm over dwelling on their loss or that I am under concerned.
It's just so sad all the way around that kids so young lose a parent and that their remaining parent loses a spouse.
Anyone else been through this? If so how did you handle it?
I just attended a suicide intervention class last week. It was a great class I must say on a very sensitive subject.
My best advice is to attend some classes to help people give support to those that have gone through such traumatic experience. I also want to point that is good for parents to also take some suicide intervention classes because their children can get influenced in such a manner that they may see suicide as an option when they have problems. Sure, right now the OP's daughter may not seem as she would consider that. That does not mean she could not be in the future for other reasons she may be extremely affected. Parents having some type of training on this may help curb the potential of happening to them.
This class we a great class as I said. It teaches techniques to catch clues and how to draw out of the individual to admit he or she was considering suicide. The class was 16 hours total and most of the time is role playing using different scenarios. I am sure there are other classes. This one is called ASIST which stands for Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training. What I liked about this one is focused not so much on dealing with suicide but with sensing those clues and how to get the individual to admit to it and help him or her.
A class like this would also be good for the daugher because she could pick up signals from her friends. It seems stats show that children of parents that committed suicide have a higher risk of doing the same later in life.
I just attended a suicide intervention class last week. It was a great class I must say on a very sensitive subject.
My best advice is to attend some classes to help people give support to those that have gone through such traumatic experience. I also want to point that is good for parents to also take some suicide intervention classes because their children can get influenced in such a manner that they may see suicide as an option when they have problems. Sure, right now the OP's daughter may not seem as she would consider that. That does not mean she could not be in the future for other reasons she may be extremely affected. Parents having some type of training on this may help curb the potential of happening to them.
This class we a great class as I said. It teaches techniques to catch clues and how to draw out of the individual to admit he or she was considering suicide. The class was 16 hours total and most of the time is role playing using different scenarios. I am sure there are other classes. This one is called ASIST which stands for Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training. What I liked about this one is focused not so much on dealing with suicide but with sensing those clues and how to get the individual to admit to it and help him or her.
A class like this would also be good for the daugher because she could pick up signals from her friends. It seems stats show that children of parents that committed suicide have a higher risk of doing the same later in life.
You have a great day.
El Amigo
Thank-you for the great advice. I will look into that class and see if it or something similar is available here for my daughter and I to attend. I do worry about the one friend being that she is overly sensitive and slightly depressed and not even a teen yet, which is when depression can become really bad. Also some mental disorders are hereditary and with her father having been bi-polar she does stand a chance if being bi-polar herself. I pray that she doesn't/isn't.
I also worry about the other little gal, as I'm sure she will be depressed and may possibly carry some guilt that she didn't do enough to help her father when everyone knew he was suicidal. Sometimes when a person is that depressed there is nothing that anyone can do to stop them from taking their lives. I know that she and her mother and the rest of the family and friends did all that they could and I hope she doesn't carry an un-necassary burden around with her.
A class like you mentioned would help us recognize the signs so that we can help hopefully before it's to late if one of her/our friends become that depressed.
Thank-you for the great advice. I will look into that class and see if it or something similar is available here for my daughter and I to attend. I do worry about the one friend being that she is overly sensitive and slightly depressed and not even a teen yet, which is when depression can become really bad. Also some mental disorders are hereditary and with her father having been bi-polar she does stand a chance if being bi-polar herself. I pray that she doesn't/isn't.
I also worry about the other little gal, as I'm sure she will be depressed and may possibly carry some guilt that she didn't do enough to help her father when everyone knew he was suicidal. Sometimes when a person is that depressed there is nothing that anyone can do to stop them from taking their lives. I know that she and her mother and the rest of the family and friends did all that they could and I hope she doesn't carry an un-necassary burden around with her.
A class like you mentioned would help us recognize the signs so that we can help hopefully before it's to late if one of her/our friends become that depressed.
I forgot to give you a hotline number. It is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Anyone concerned about someone thinking about suicide or the indivdivual that is considering it. It is 1-800-273-8255.
Thank-you for the great advice. I will look into that class and see if it or something similar is available here for my daughter and I to attend. I do worry about the one friend being that she is overly sensitive and slightly depressed and not even a teen yet, which is when depression can become really bad. Also some mental disorders are hereditary and with her father having been bi-polar she does stand a chance if being bi-polar herself. I pray that she doesn't/isn't.
I also worry about the other little gal, as I'm sure she will be depressed and may possibly carry some guilt that she didn't do enough to help her father when everyone knew he was suicidal. Sometimes when a person is that depressed there is nothing that anyone can do to stop them from taking their lives. I know that she and her mother and the rest of the family and friends did all that they could and I hope she doesn't carry an un-necassary burden around with her.
A class like you mentioned would help us recognize the signs so that we can help hopefully before it's to late if one of her/our friends become that depressed.
The part where you said there is nothing you can do I do not see it that way. There is much you can do. Does that mean you will certainly stop someone, you cannot tell. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. The point is to try to help. If it does not wok, you may feel bad but your conscience is clean because you tried your best. Do seat belts help? Sometimes they do and others do not but generaly speaking they increase your odds of survival and that is how I see it when helping people that are suicide risk.
The part where you said there is nothing you can do I do not see it that way. There is much you can do. Does that mean you will certainly stop someone, you cannot tell. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. The point is to try to help. If it does not wok, you may feel bad but your conscience is clean because you tried your best. Do seat belts help? Sometimes they do and others do not but generaly speaking they increase your odds of survival and that is how I see it when helping people that are suicide risk.
You have a great day.
El Amigo
I should have worded it differently. Sometimes all the help in the world is not going to stop someone from taking their life if they are that depressed, but you are right in that people should still try doing all they can to help someone from reaching that point.
We went to the funeral yesterday along with two other girls who are friends with my daughter and the gal who just lost her dad. The little gal was really glad to see her friends there and that they cared enough to come and be there for her. The one girl was the one who lost her father 5 years ago and it was a painful reminder to her about her loss, but she was there anyways to be a support to her friend who had just lost her dad. I think that it meant a lot to the little gal that hr friend came even though it was painful.
I should have worded it differently. Sometimes all the help in the world is not going to stop someone from taking their life if they are that depressed, but you are right in that people should still try doing all they can to help someone from reaching that point.
We went to the funeral yesterday along with two other girls who are friends with my daughter and the gal who just lost her dad. The little gal was really glad to see her friends there and that they cared enough to come and be there for her. The one girl was the one who lost her father 5 years ago and it was a painful reminder to her about her loss, but she was there anyways to be a support to her friend who had just lost her dad. I think that it meant a lot to the little gal that hr friend came even though it was painful.
So sad to read that. I am glad your children are a support. It speaks volumes of your family.
You have a great day.
El Amigo
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