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Hi. I have an 18 year old daughter that has always been close to me, but now nothing I say is right.
I am a single parent and her and I have gotten along really well but lately I notice that since she is 18 she spends almost no time at home, stays with friends for days on end and can't wait to move out but doesn't have the money to "be independent". Nothing I say is right, she is more moody and acts like being at home is the worst thing on this earth.
I have friends and family but this has really been hard for me to see her act so ungrateful towards me. Family and friends have noticed it as well, but say she's going through a phase.
She has been a good student and is very polite to everyone but me it seems. She is not outright rude, just has no patience with what I say and doesn't spend time with me as before.
I know this is normal, but wow - I didn't realize it would hit at 18 and am in a little bit of shock. I just give her her space and tell her that whatever she does, she needs to talk respectful to me and be safe when she is working or gone from the house.
Do kids like this ever bounce back to their normal self and re-establish a good relationship again with their mom?
My DD was like that during from about 17 through 18....we have always been really close. She left for college and we had a rough couple of months at first but then things slowly got better. She came home for the summer and things were pretty good. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there.....
Your daughter is normal. She wants to be independent and is just behaving like a kid going off to college and testing the waters of the real world.
This is fun, rough, exciting period for her. Give her wings and let her fly. Be glad she is relatively respectful AND going off to college. She's probably nervous being on the verge of real young adulthood.
Give her about 3 weeks away at college and she will change. Once she has her own kids you will suddenly regain all the brain cells she doesn't think you have now. Yes, she is normal and yes, you will have a good relationship again. I would just let her be for now and let her spread her wings.
She'll bounce back when her own children are doing the same to her and about to leave home. Then she'll look back and wish she had been nicer -- but that's the cycle of life.
They do this because emotionally they have to start cutting off their ties to parents - if you're a single parent, then you get the whole brunt of it. It's just part of becoming independent.
I equate this to the uncomfortableness that you experience in those last 2 - 3 weeks of pregnancy. If it didn't get so miserable, you would dread the actual birth. This discomfort and unhappiness that you are experiencing will help you both separate with less pain. Though you'll miss her when she leaves, you'll miss her less than if she had stayed your sweet companion.
Stay strong for her - this is a passing phase and her heart will return to you. This is all part of doing the good job that you have done as a parent.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hayworth24
Hi. I have an 18 year old daughter that has always been close to me, but now nothing I say is right.
I am a single parent and her and I have gotten along really well but lately I notice that since she is 18 she spends almost no time at home, stays with friends for days on end and can't wait to move out but doesn't have the money to "be independent". Nothing I say is right, she is more moody and acts like being at home is the worst thing on this earth.
I have friends and family but this has really been hard for me to see her act so ungrateful towards me. Family and friends have noticed it as well, but say she's going through a phase.
She has been a good student and is very polite to everyone but me it seems. She is not outright rude, just has no patience with what I say and doesn't spend time with me as before.
I know this is normal, but wow - I didn't realize it would hit at 18 and am in a little bit of shock. I just give her her space and tell her that whatever she does, she needs to talk respectful to me and be safe when she is working or gone from the house.
Do kids like this ever bounce back to their normal self and re-establish a good relationship again with their mom?
This all sounds pretty standard. That "shortness" tends to abate almost immediately upon getting out of the house. Don't worry, she'll apologize at some point in the next five years. Your relationship is changing, but it doesn't stay this akward.
This all sounds pretty standard. That "shortness" tends to abate almost immediately upon getting out of the house. Don't worry, she'll apologize at some point in the next five years. Your relationship is changing, but it doesn't stay this akward.
She might not apologize. She's just cutting off her ties to her parents, probably doesn't even think she's being cold. She doesn't dislike her parents more, but she's pulling away and thinking everything a parent says is silly is part of that.
It's an exciting time for the child who is leaving, although it can be sad for them, there is a big new life out there. I think it's much harder on the parents who really are being left behind like the old toys they forgot.
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