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While I tend to agree that 6 seems early during the summer, we don't know the OP's situation or that of her son. She was simply asking what to do about his behavior.
The 6:00 curfew has EVERYTHING to do with his behavior. Yes, they may want to eat dinner together but at 15 things happen and it might not always be possible. I think it is unrealistic to expect a 15 year old to be home every single night at 6:00 for dinner, even 10:00 for a summer curfew is early for a 15 year old. When parents have unrealistic expectations kids will lie to get around them, period.
OP, I think you really need to access WHY you want him home at 6:00 and then listen to HIM as to why he should be allowed some freedom. He NEEDS to learn how to deal with things on his own-you only have a couple more years before he goes off to college and to drop him into a college setting after having no freedom as a teenager is just asking for trouble.
I am not condoning the lying however, I can easily see WHY he did it and THAT is the issue that needs to be addressed.
Personally, I feel he's home safe and he could have walked in later. It could be a matter of choosing your battles and for me, a pizza isn't a battle worth fighting over, nor is 8:30 an unreasonable hour to be home by. But thats just me, unless its major, I don't need the extra stress in my life. At best I might say something along the lines of "Dang that was a big arse pizza you guys ate! you called 3 hours ago about it!" And then just see what he says, but I'd just be glad he was home early and safe and let it go with a mental note to be more specific about what "come right home" means to me so there's not a repeat performance.
The 6:00 curfew has EVERYTHING to do with his behavior. Yes, they may want to eat dinner together but at 15 things happen and it might not always be possible. I think it is unrealistic to expect a 15 year old to be home every single night at 6:00 for dinner, even 10:00 for a summer curfew is early for a 15 year old. When parents have unrealistic expectations kids will lie to get around them, period.
Well, the 6 pm curfew might very well be the reason for the behavior but we don't really know the reason for the early curfew so it's really hard to comment on. The point is, at this point, while the curfew may (or may not depending on the reasoning for it to begin with) need to be addressed, the parent and teen must come to terms about any lying or manipulating going on first. If the curfew is changed as a result of him lying that is rewarding the wrong behavior. The teen needs to learn HOW to go about renegotiating rules if that's what needs to happen. That's part of our job as parents - to teach them appropriate and acceptable ways of negotiating through life - including rules you don't like or agree with. As adults, we run into them all the time (rules) - knowing how to manage rules as adults not adolescents is an extremely important life skill.
I do understand what you guys are saying about being home for dinner. But when someone types that the curfew is 6, that tells me he must be in the house for the evening at 6. Because that is the definition of a curfew. If she would have said, my son is to be home for dinner at 6, and then he must be in at 9 for the evening, I would then deduce that his curfew is 9.
I do agree that families getting together for dinner is a good idea. Besides that it gives you "family time", I see no reason to let a kid out the door at 3 and not see them again till 9. In my opinion that is asking for trouble.
She said she was punishing him for the lie about having a party by grounding him throughout the week.
So the issue is, does coming home at 830 warrant a punishment. In my opinion, no. She told him to eat and then come home. She didn't give a specific time. Now, if she calls the other mom and finds out there was no pizza, they were done eating the pizza by 7, or the boy was not at her house, then that warrants a punishment.
The point is, at this point, while the curfew may (or may not depending on the reasoning for it to begin with) need to be addressed, the parent and teen must come to terms about any lying or manipulating going on first. If the curfew is changed as a result of him lying that is rewarding the wrong behavior. The teen needs to learn HOW to go about renegotiating rules if that's what needs to happen.
I agree. The whole situation can be used as a springboard into the curfew conversation, though. She can explain why he is grounded (lying about the party, seemingly lying about the pizza time), and then continue into the understanding that there may be issues about his curfew and discussing them. If the OP does decide to change the curfew, she could let him know that his curfew will change in X days/weeks, IF he stays responsible (making guidelines about what that exactly means). That way you aren't rewarding him for lying, he can feel some control over the discussion on his curfew, and he sees that he still has to earn that right.
After reading the posts, I feel I need to clarify a few things.
The 6:00 cerfew. The reason he needs to be home by 6 is, as some have said, it is dinner time. That was the same rule for me when I was his age so I don't think it is that unreasonable.
The reason I don't allow him to go back out is because he rides his bike to his friends houses and it is now getting dark by 7:45ish and his friends all live futher away. Probably a 10-15 minute bike ride, so by the time he is done eating and gets back to his friends it will be time to come home again. Also, yesterday(the day of the offense) he had left to go to the friends house at 11:30 in the morning. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect to see him after 61/1 hours.
The reason of him staying until 10 for the party is because I was then going to pick him up so he wouldn't need to ride his bike home then. Also, I work early in the morning, so I need to know he is home and safe before I can go to bed.
When he called me at 4:50, he said that the dad had already ordered the pizza. So even if the pizza came late, I can't imagine it would have shown up three hours late. He said the pizza came by 6 but they didn't go downstairs until 7:30 to eat it.
Having a 15-year old who can't be out past dark in the summer is unusual. You have a right to make whatever rules you want, but I don't see that as reasonable. Reasonable for 12 maybe, not 15.
6 for a 15 year old.. in the Summer?! You need to lighten up on that boy. You're forcing him to rebel.
I wouldn't go that far. Kids owe their parents obedience whether they like the rules or not. I concur with what seems to be the majority here, however, that this is unusually restrictive.
Telling the truth is too big of deal to let go if you want to raise your son to be a responsible adult. Tell him that you are sorry but because he lied to you that you feel that you can't trust him. Tell him that if he shows responsibility in the future that he will regain the freedom of being out of the house with friends. He is playing you and you are about to lose control, your choice. I was taught not to lie, I don't lie and it pays off in every way. I don't care how old he is, he should have learned that years ago. Don't reward his negative behavior as you, as the parent, owe him more.
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