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Here is a clue my friend... you are responsible for yourself when an adult.
This was only a visit. The OP doesn't live at home.
I think it is ridiculous that these people want to make money out of their son. I am sure they would never consider renting this room to anyone else.
Also if they want a renter in the home instead of a son they shouldn't have other expectations like making him volunteer.
OP, I do not think you will loose your family over this. A couple of months after you are gone the will start missing you.
Thanks for the advices - they keep pouring in. Actually, in response to Roselvr, my parents are doing financially well. As far as I know, no issues. They buy a lot of modern things, get enough food to outlast an army, and just generally are doing well. I realize this economy is affecting many people, but trust me on this one - my parents aren't affected. And, as I only paid rent in the summers of '05/'06, not '07/'08, I didn't assume this summer would be rent-free: I thought I knew it was rent-free due to those two years being rent-free.
If I try to speak to my parents again and reiterate that they never brought it up beforehand, and state I only will be willing to pay a base amount for the entire two months that I was here (e.g. $300 or $400), and they still insist on $800 being paid, then what should my next step be? I don't want to lose my family, but at the same time, this kind of behavior/treatment is only driving me away.
It's hard to get the whole story from your posts.
Just because it doesn't appear they are hurting financially; they very well could be. There are a lot of people buying things still and not paying their bills (mortgage, TV)
My personal opinion is that $300 is too much to pay for rent.
They have charged you for rent in the past (05/06) - before I went in 07 I would have asked if I needed to give rent & how much. I would have asked again 08 & 09.
I don't know how you're going to convince them to settle for less.
I like the payments to start with & who knows, if you do start paying, they may say forget the rest.
I don't agree with it. From the posts I've read by you, your family is pretty dysfunctional; you might be better off breaking free as soon as you can.
Thanks for the advices - they keep pouring in. Actually, in response to Roselvr, my parents are doing financially well. As far as I know, no issues. They buy a lot of modern things, get enough food to outlast an army, and just generally are doing well. I realize this economy is affecting many people, but trust me on this one - my parents aren't affected. And, as I only paid rent in the summers of '05/'06, not '07/'08, I didn't assume this summer would be rent-free: I thought I knew it was rent-free due to those two years being rent-free.
If I try to speak to my parents again and reiterate that they never brought it up beforehand, and state I only will be willing to pay a base amount for the entire two months that I was here (e.g. $300 or $400), and they still insist on $800 being paid, then what should my next step be? I don't want to lose my family, but at the same time, this kind of behavior/treatment is only driving me away.
If they don't accept it, my call would be to charge them for the extra work you did to help out. Don't include anything that might be considered normal. If you did 50 hours of work at $10/hr, you can hand her the bill along with the $300 you're willing to pay.
If they don't accept it, my call would be to charge them for the extra work you did to help out. Don't include anything that might be considered normal. If you did 50 hours of work at $10/hr, you can hand her the bill along with the $300 you're willing to pay.
Yeah, good luck with that if his family is the way I think they are.
stick to your guns on how you feel they should deal with this situation. tell them that this year is non-negotiable due to the lateness of notice and that you need your saved money for college and that is more important right now then paying them rent when it wasn't spoke of before. No meeting of the minds will not stand up in court and therefor is no contract.
Don't sign any contracts with them, just say that you will make different arrangements for next year maybe stay with friends. Let them know that even though you get the SSi check now it is possible they are used to that extra money when they were getting it for you. I don't want to assume they only want the money but the motives seem a bit odd from what you say.
It seem that you are a very responsible person as well as a young'un (so to speak). Being young means you like to go out have fun and enjoy life when you can. while at college look into summer jobs or internships that pay a small wage. Use the counsilors to help with this. Take it seriously. If you are old enough to go to college alone then you can start to live without your parents all year long as well.
What are your parents doing with the rent money? I wonder.
Have you ever thought your parents to be overly protective of you? I had a dear friend in High School who was mostly deaf ( she could make out sounds and read lips ), after high school just stayed within the deaf community and thrived better then within the hearing world. I would tell you to do that but I bet you can get some great ideas on how to make it out on your own there. Over all this friend, her parents pushed her to be strong and resposible as well hence why I think your parents might be a bit over protective/pushing. Her parents never really liked her going out with us (hearing) folk all the time afte we graduated. They pushed her all sort of ways.
Be open and talk with your parents about your life and what you are doing, why you do it and what you focus on as a career goal. Remind them that you are old enough and if you have to live on your own for the summer. You don't have to come home you can get a camp job as a counsilor very easy and have room and board with pay. Let them know you have other options available to you for next year.
Part of being responsible is knowing how to communicate, express yourself without anger or attitude, as well as being about to take of yourself. So don't be petty when you speak with them stay calm and assertive and speak clearly and distintily, think before you say anything.
As I stated before you can afford and think that this year 300 is fair, tell them. then leave them a check in the memo area of that check write "summer 2009 rent/paid in full". If they cash it then they can not ask for any more rent for this year. Cashing a paid in full will stand up in court. ( not that you will take your parents to court but it is nice knowledge for the future). oH yeah, start asking for reciepts and hold on to them from your parents everytime you pay. another sign of responsibilty... keep good records on payments ( due and paid).
As my jerk of a step dad used to tell me when I complained about things not being "fair"
"The fair comes in September, and it is $5 to get in and $5 bucks to park."
You learn a lot of lessons in life, and, this is a tough one.
Thanks for the advices - they keep pouring in. Actually, in response to Roselvr, my parents are doing financially well. As far as I know, no issues. They buy a lot of modern things, get enough food to outlast an army, and just generally are doing well. I realize this economy is affecting many people, but trust me on this one - my parents aren't affected. And, as I only paid rent in the summers of '05/'06, not '07/'08, I didn't assume this summer would be rent-free: I thought I knew it was rent-free due to those two years being rent-free.
If I try to speak to my parents again and reiterate that they never brought it up beforehand, and state I only will be willing to pay a base amount for the entire two months that I was here (e.g. $300 or $400), and they still insist on $800 being paid, then what should my next step be? I don't want to lose my family, but at the same time, this kind of behavior/treatment is only driving me away.
Did they ever in the years you were growing up, mention a certain age they felt was the age of adulthood or independence?
I think you should try to talk with them, tell them that you misunderstood that you were expected to pay anything and that even though you realize you are an adult now, you're really struggling and see if you could negotiate a deal that lets you all stay on good enough terms.
But be honest - because if they saw you buying things like video players, games, going out to concerts, having plenty of money for fun things, they could resent that they were expected to provide free room and board.
Some parents would never dream of charging an adult child of any age rent or room and board, or have them contribute anything to the household but you weren't lucky -- you can't choose your parents. Your parents may have been supporting themselves at a pretty early age and have a certain kind of mindset.
Wow, you stayed for 2 months and now they want $400 a month? I'd be furious. Most parents would be thrilled to get a 2 month visit from their adult children, who are in college and are responsible enough to work and volunteer during the summer.
For those of you who aren't familiar with SSI, it depends on the state and the situation, but it's not a lot of money. Most people on SSI cannot afford $400/month in rent.
But all of this is not relevant. If your parents wanted you to pay rent, they should have said so before you came home. However, being that they have charged you in the past, it would have been mature of you to ask before you came home, exactly what they expected as far as rent.
Me personally, I would leave and not pay a dime. You never agreed to pay rent, and you are not legally obligated to do so. However, that probably isn't the best thing to do. They will probably be furious if you do that, and realistically, family peace is worth more than $800.
So my best advice is to explain to them that you were not aware that they would be charging you rent. Ask them if they will reduce the amount, and/or take payments. They really don't have much of a choice because if you don't have the $800 on hand, you can't magically produce it out of thin air. I would work on paying them back, at a pace you can afford, without jeopardizing your academics. You don't mention your dad, but ideally he should be in on these conversations, too.
For future summers, if you do plan on staying with them (which personally, I would NOT), it would be in your best interest to work out a contract with them, to avoid future confusion. You don't have to just agree to whatever they want. Frankly, if you are paying rent to be there, I don't see how it's any of their business if you work or are productive. And if you don't like the terms they insist upon, then stay somewhere else. I'm willing to bet there are people who would rent a room to a young, promising student for under $400/month...you might even be able to work out a bartering system, where say you babysit for free or reduced room and board, or there might be volunteer opportunities you can go on for the summer. Talk to a school counselor for ideas.
Best of luck.
Most parents would be thrilled to get a 2 month visit from their adult children, who are in college and are responsible enough to work and volunteer during the summer.
You're right; most would love a 2 month visit.
Sounds like his family wants him to be on his own and don't appreciate the visits.
We also don't know the full story.
There could be things about him he's leaving out.
I'd pay my daughter $400 per month if she'd come home for the summer.
Yeah, I'm a sappy empty-nester.
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