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Old 08-28-2009, 11:11 PM
 
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I have no idea what those neglectful parents whose children suck their fingers in utero are doing. Shameless selfishness, that's what it is.
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Old 08-29-2009, 08:10 AM
 
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I wish I had pacifiers with my kids. You can't throw away thumbs.... Right now, going through all those motions (charts, "stop-thumb-sucking" helpers). A woman told me, her daughter didn't care for the peer pressure at school, just shrugged it off. Up to 14 years old. Her teacher would remind her while she was sitting at her desk working. She has braces now.
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Old 08-29-2009, 10:47 AM
 
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Well they say 1 years of age......... my sons gave them up on their own between 6-9 months. However, if they were still attached to it aften one year, I probably would have let them have it until 2... kind of a "pick your battle thing"... here are some ideas for weaning from the pacifier:

How to Get Rid of The Pacifier - Creative Tips to Say Buh-Bye to The Binky
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Old 08-29-2009, 10:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
There are two types of attachment to a pacifier. Here, you talk about the physical attachment, not the emotional/physiological at all.
Too old for a pacifier is when a child can get up and walk around. If they are still sucking one beyond that, it because their emotional needs were neglected by popping a pacifier in their mouths whenever they cried instead of addressing their needs. They learned to be comforted by sucking. That is a sign of neglect or a parent who seriously does not have a clue to what they are doing. There is no need for one. Recommending a two year old to be sucking on one is very sad. A two year old child has to be comforted by sucking on something? What type of foundation does this teach them emotionally long term?

There is a lot of supporting physiological evidence that has showed the link between great emotional attachment to a child’s parents and parents in tune with their child’s need so they do not cry as much or developed physiologically unhealthy ways to comfort themselves. You might be appalled at the parent who lets their newborn infant cry without touching them because they feel they need to cry it out. The child NEEDS physical touch and to be comforted in normal ways. Not just sticking a pacifier in their mouth to shut them up.

Point is, if a child’s needs are neglected, they develop ways of dealing with that that are not always healthy, bad eating habits to more extreme and that all starts with a child when they are first born.

You are teaching your child about comfort and how to express how they need things to you. Sticking a pacifier in their mouths is a poor way to address those needs. A child over the age of one should not have need one. They should be able to communicate in verbal as well as non-verbal ways to get you to understand their needs. If you have spent their entire life listening to them, naturally it will be easier and you will have a child who does not whine and cry for their needs between ages 1-2. I know this because I have been working with and raising kids since I was 11 years old (those weren‘t my kids). I worked a kid who at 2.5 could not live without her pacifier….when her mother was home. It was so odd that when I was there, she never touched the thing. Of course, Mom brushed her kid off constantly and was all ways “busy” instead of stopping and taking care of the child’s needs, giving her positive attention such as hugs or acknowledging simple achievements.

AND the same thing goes with a blanket or sucking their thumb. Our son had the problem because he spent a week with nearly no physical contact (NICU) and he learned to comfort himself this way. If you do not allow that to happen for a typical child, this will never develop in the first place.
It did cause nipple confusion for our daughter, who was given one for NO REASON by a nurse when she was born. I did not allow the nurses to remove our daughter from my room and was there constantly. While I was sleeping, she came in and popped it in her mouth because of her strong belief that she needed it.

The middle child never was attached to blankets, pacifiers, thumb or any other thing because no one gave them to him in the first place, I never left him with anyone I thought might neglect his needs for even a minute or might encourage the attachment. It is a physiological addiction that happens when someone relies on something to deal with stress.

On the flip side, if you learn how to read your child'd physical cues, not only do you eliminate the attachment to those items, you also have a baby who learns to rely on those physical cues to communicate with you rather than crying.
Sorry but what a load of baloney. I could read my kids' cues just fine and they liked their pacifiers. They are very well adjusted teenagers now and we know we have done a good job parenting because every time we go to parent teacher conference the teachers thank us for raising great kids or the compliments we get from other people at church, social functions, etc. I think the best thing we did was not over analyze everything out kids did and try to come up with some psychological mumbo-jumbo to explain why they were crying because sometimes kids just need to cry.

I will also challenge you that you are a neglectful for never exposing your child to anyone but yourself and your beliefs and smothering your child with your over involved parenting. Two sides of a coin.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
I am sorry but I just do not believe this at all 3 doctors and 5 nurses with you at once. Babies can leave the hospital after 24 hrs. C/s mothers on the other hand need a longer recovery. You are saying you had a miraculous recovery. The doctor can release you early if you have no complications and ask for it. I only spent 48hrs after my 2nd c/s because I wanted to get home to my dd.
My mother had it happen it her. She was a horrible mother and they could tell. They sent a team of doctors and nurses in to evaluate her and were going to take her first child. She caught on, shaped up and kept her child.

When this happened to me, I was very fearful that I had done something wrong. When they all left, leaving me with my main nurse, I asked what was wrong and she said nothing. I asked her if it was typical for a new mother to have 3 doctors and 5 nurses in the room at the same time, lounging around having their morning coffee. She chuckled at me and told me that they were there to watch us interact with our baby, that none of them had seen anything like that, so in tune with a baby's needs, none of them had seen the baby cry once since birth, and first time parents on top it. They were at that moment discussing sending me home because there was nothing more they could do for me.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
You love to do this "What do you think your grandparents did when there was no running water?" "How do you think our ancestors survived without electricity" "Our grandmothers caught the poop in their hand b/c diapers didn't exist, so obviously there is no need for diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & you are a weak parent if you put a diaper on your baby!".

So, if AFTER the nurse left you could move to get the baby, why didn't you get the baby the first time?

And why couldn't you change your own baby?

Why did you have 3 docs & 5 nurses in your room? To "observe" what..your wonderwoman powers?

Seriously, this post is a trip. It's like comedy hour on CD forum.

Miasmommy, I don't agree with about 99% of the your posts, but cmon, if you are falling for this poster.....

flickbecky- it's a great story...b/c that is what it is...a fictional story you are making up....
Have you ever had a csection? All your muscles in your mid section have been cut through, making it hard to roll that bed around, let alone stand up, especially in the first few hours after having the major surgery. I had tried and failed the first time I had tried to move the bed but sucked it up and did it through the pain the next. You also have to remember what all those drugs do to you as well. Top that with the fact I am all but immune to them so they had to give way more than usual before surgery, and I still felt it.

The first nurse I had was an absolute horror. She flat out told me that I was not allowed to have my baby in my room because I was unable to care for her after major surgery and that I needed my sleep. I refused to allow her to take her from my room. She in turn did her best to put her bed out of my reach and refused to close the door, so they could come running every time she cried, so I could get my sleep. She never cried and as the night worn on, this nurse came in and gave my baby a pacifier while we both were asleep, against my request. I woke when she tried to move the bed away from my reach after I had moved, shocked that I had since I could not yet stand on my own, and I argued with her until she finally backed down because I finally decided to get louder about it, knowing that there was another nurse down the hall and the door was still open. The next nurse I got did everything she could to make us both comfortable and happy....and she let us sleep in peace with the door closed and asked the permission to check on us quietly every 30 minutes.

This is not a fiction story, I assure you. If you were to talk to my family, they would all agree with it....but you would hear from my mother and two sisters about how negative it must be for my children to never be hit, spanked, screamed at, ect. and how negative it was for my infant children to never learn to "wait" for their needs or cry it out when I was busy.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by *Danielle* View Post
I have know parents to a very small hole in the end of it. And just make that hole bigger so the 'sucking' action is no longer functional. They start with a small hole, make it a little bigger, then bigger until the kid dislikes it..throws a fit and then is done with it...

What people say is the hardest is the few days after...when it affects their sleep... Makes momma unhappy...

If that doesn't work...try the 'binky fairy'...


I hope people who feel the need to judge feel better...Geez...it is a paci for crying out loud. Get over it already.
Health officials do not recommend doing this for two reasons. THe first is that some pacifiers have BPA in them and that is released more quickly by cutting them. It is the same advice given out about baby bottles; when they start to get stcratched, throw them out because of the same dangers.

Two, when they are cut, it is easier for them to bite pieces off that they can choke on.
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
While my kid is pretty smart, I'm not able to reason with her. I just feel bad that I am not able to explain to her why I'm taking it away. She's actually been screaming in her crib for an hour for her "BIIIIIINNNNKAAAAYY!"

I went in and told her that the binky has to go night night too. And to please lie down for mommy. I told her I loved her and left. Ten minutes later she was screaming again. Today she looked miserable. She cried and wouldn't eat and at times just was lying on the floor doing nothing. Then she would come to me and look in both of my hands and then in my pockets and say "momma binky peeeeeeezzzz."

The actual fact that she uses a binky doesn't really bother me I guess. She's not big on asking for it in public even if she falls or sees a stranger and so on.

If she is like this in a couple of days I'm giving it back until we can have a "binky going away party" or something and when she is better to understand. Especially after the the posts I've read on here I now realize I'm not alone.
This is even worse than not doing anything about it. It is confusing for the child and eventually teachs them that if they bug Mom long enough, they will win out.

As Supernanny would say, it is not hurting her, it is hurting you. Consistancy and following through is key. She is miserable today because she did not sleep as well as usual last night and is going psychological withdrawl.
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Old 08-29-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lisdol View Post
I have no idea what those neglectful parents whose children suck their fingers in utero are doing. Shameless selfishness, that's what it is.
I always wondered about this. Well not just with sucking fingers but in child's emotions all together. A child emotions while in the uterus are directly connected to their mothers. Infants also react to their mothers facial expressions. A saw a show on a study about babies one on Discovery. The scientist put the baby in front of a large screen where it showed multiple faces with expressions. They did not react to any of them except their mothers. When the mothers face had an angry look, they cried. When the mother had a sad look, they cried. When they were happy, the babies kicked and smiled excitedly.

Inside they are connected to how we feel. I thought about this extensively while pregnant with our daughter. I did my best to be happy and limit moments of anger or sadness. I also ate a small amount of dark chocolate when I was feeling down (pregnancy plays with your emotions). No sappy movies, limited contact with my mother, ect. Things I thought might or would trigger negative emotions. Out of the three, the last one has been the most sad and angry. We have had to deal with this from day one. He did not cry much as an infant but he whines a lot. Well most people tell us that it is normal for his age but his brother and sister were never like this. Then I think about being pregnant. I found about being pregnant with him after a bad car accident and it was a total surprise, which I was pretty much in denial of and trying to ingore the whole pregnancy thing in the first place. Then I had the hosital I was going to who lied about me having a condition and telling me that my baby was going to be born retarded or die before hand. That added saddness and feelings of extreme guilt (for "not wanting" him). Then I took all my labs and records of my doctor appointments to a midwife...who worked with an MD at another hosital. They both confirmed that the labs had a big fat NEGATIVE right there in bold to those things they tried to say I had. Not to mention they had tried to say my due date was 4-6 weeks earlier than it was (remeber the car accident...I had an ultersound then and knew the truth) to try and force me to have another csection though my last child was a successful vbac. Which added lot of strong anger. After all that stress, our baby was born 3 weeks early and then ended up in NICU in a childrens hospital for a week.

That had to have had an impact on his developing emotions. Does a baby who grows inside a mother who is depressed, sad, or angry have a higher likelyhood of sucking their fingers or thumb once born? He was our only sucker of the three. It is an interesting scientific question that I think is worth investigating. Imagine, if this were true, what type of health care we could better provide pregnant women and how women who may be depressed could start their motherhood with a happier baby, making less the feelings of frusteration and helplessness, maybe even helping to prevent post partum depression.

I also wondered how developing a bad habit that has to be broken at such a young age impacts bad habits later. Are they more likely to develop bad habits? Do they find it harder to break the bad habit? AND on the other end of it... Do children whose parents simply throw out the pacifier have an easier time quicking bad habit cold turkey, and do parents hwo try to take it away but keep on giving int and giving to them have a child who does the same thing with bad habits later in life? Children who suck a pacifier develop a physcological need for them. Does this change in their brain teach them to comfort themselves, they need to have the act of eating to feel comforted? OR is that parents who can't take it away and allow them to have it allow bad eating habits to begin? Or are bad eating habits related to bottle fed babies who are forced fed a lot before bed in order get them to sleep through the night the ones to develop those problems? With 50% of children under age 5 obese, it makes you wonder about all the different changes we have had in the last fifty years, not just eating habits that cause that. Heck, it could institutions to blame...low income children, the highest risk for obesity, eat two meals a day at school and did the same in day cares and center that were developed for low income families with similar specific food plans.

Last edited by flik_becky; 08-29-2009 at 01:37 PM..
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Old 08-29-2009, 02:05 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,306,151 times
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Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
Sorry but what a load of baloney. I could read my kids' cues just fine and they liked their pacifiers. They are very well adjusted teenagers now and we know we have done a good job parenting because every time we go to parent teacher conference the teachers thank us for raising great kids or the compliments we get from other people at church, social functions, etc. I think the best thing we did was not over analyze everything out kids did and try to come up with some psychological mumbo-jumbo to explain why they were crying because sometimes kids just need to cry.

I will also challenge you that you are a neglectful for never exposing your child to anyone but yourself and your beliefs and smothering your child with your over involved parenting. Two sides of a coin.
Actually, you are far from the mark. We have gone out nearly every weekend since May and spent time at events where our children were rarely in our sight, and in the company of other children and adults of different views. In fact, we spent our time teaching adults, and children, history, physics and science in a unique hands on way. In our time in between, we prepared for these events and the children taught as well. They get more time around children their age just playing than most kids. Can't imagine many parents would would agree with allowing a group of about 10 kids from 4-9 to go out on a nature walk on a trail without an adult. (you could say their trail was surrounded by those at the event but no one was actually with them)

The kids are excited because we are going to attend two big events in September where they get to teach public schooled kids. They are excited, as they put it, "...to teach kids who go to school stuff their parents and the schools never would."
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