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Have a referral made for special education services, your daughter probably needs the extra help, she would get more indiviualized attention, and it would shut down this teacher. You would get alot of power if your daughter had an IEP.
First, ask to make an appointment with the teacher AND the principal. Perhaps at once. In fairness to the teacher (and you already acknowledged this) she does have other children to attend to and they all need to be at a certain level before advancing to 1st grade. If your child is continuously disruptive, the other children are missing out on their chance at an education too. But, you shouldn't go behind your teacher's back. If you talk to him/her and they clearly are not interested in working with your child to help them, then an appointment with the principal is in order.
My daughter is in 1st grade. There is a little girl in her class who has developmental problems (I'm not sure what the technical definition is), but she is "integrated" into the classroom. She has a desk and participates in many activities, but she also is accompanied by an "assistant" (I'm sure there is a different term) who sits with her while in class helping her practice writing and reading, etc. She also goes out with a group of children with learning disabilities for a few hours a day and participates in whatever program the school offers.
Finally...don't be afraid (or embarassed) to have your child repeat a grade. There are a lot of parents who push their kids forward (many schools won't have children repeat a grade unless the parent gives permission) and that does nothing but overwhelm them even more. Every grade is a progression in both learning and social skills. Kindergarten is a lot about learning to sit still, do things you may not want to do, and interract with kids you've never met before.
It's not going to harm them to repeat a grade, especially this young. It will hurt them even more to fail and feel totally overwhelmed when they get older. There are a lot of Kindergartners who repeat. According to my daughter's teacher from last year, preschool and Kindergarten have the most common repeat rates. Sometimes it's just a matter of readiness that cannot be dictated simply because their birthday falls within the "range".
I would have her repeat Kindergarten (or go back to Preschool again if possible), see where she is and then if it's still the same, have her evaluated for special education. She is probably just not ready for Kindergarten and not necessarily a candidate for special education.
My friend is in a similar situation with her son. He too had a speech delay and though he finished his treatment she still thinks he needs time to catch up with kids his own age. He just turned 5 this week and she was going back and forth with sending him to kinder or holding it off for a year. Well, she decided to do both, sort-of. She's homeschooling him through a local charter and then if she feels he's ready next fall she'll send him to 1st grade and if he needs more time he'll repeat kinder in the public school setting. The homeschool is public and tuition free, they even deliverd her a computer and there are optional on-campus classes.
I just though I'd throw that out there in case it could help anyone following this thread as to another option. You are the mother you should do what you think is right for your child, you know her best. =)
Let's assume her delays and behavior point to a disability, just for the sake of argument. If she is disabled, pulling her out and sending her next year will not make her less disabled. Having her repeat K, especially with the same nitpicky teacher with the same entitled attitude that she does not have to address every child's needs (yes, I most certainly said it), your daughter will not be less disabled.
She has made progress before, in a structured program. She is catching up quickly. Holding her back is going to help her how?
The issue as I see it is the placement. The teacher appears to have very high standards for behavior, and she appears to have a low tolerance for your daughter's behavior. Instead of coming up with workable strategies, she papers you to death and shows wonderful professionalism by complaining to your son. What's he going to do, go make your daughter behave the way the teacher wants?
IMO, I think you should consider having your daughter moved to another room if there is one. This doesn't sound like a good match.
And one more thing. I respect those who believe their child needs another year before K. But some folks take it too far. A child needs another year to be a kid. Okay, so after that extra year, the child is not a kid anymore? What exactly is she then? An adult in K?
It's kindergarten. Kindergarten! Everyone needs to take a collective deep breath (including me, ha-ha).
Sometimes the "catching up" thing...it doesn't happen overnight or even in one academic year. For some kids, it takes years and for others, it happens in the first few weeks.
If a child was struggling for 2 years in preschool, one month of kinder...probably still going to see some struggles...
So many factors go into play and everyone has a piece of the pie..child, parents, teacher and principal.
Constant communication and reminder that there are going to be some good days & some bad days; maybe even a school year, regardless if your child is delayed or not.
And one more thing. I respect those who believe their child needs another year before K. But some folks take it too far. A child needs another year to be a kid. Okay, so after that extra year, the child is not a kid anymore? What exactly is she then? An adult in K?.
I wrote my opinion about my decision that my son is too young for K, without wanting to bother everybody with details. Probably the saying "mother knows her child best" would not be enough for some, unless detailed explanation is provided.
To provide some, I will mention that I have two kids, one just finished K and is going into the 1st grade. Remembering her a year ago, how curious and concentrated she was, and how she treasured everything that happened in school, I can see the difference in my son. Mentally, he is still a toddler (that's what I meant by "being a kid"). He is very loud in public, and when asked to join something (just like they would in school), he runs away. He will not stay in line or sit at his desk for long, just like the OP's child.
Now, he had it much worse at 3 and 4 years old, and now at 4.5 I see a tremendous difference. That is why I agree with a poster who said a few months make a huge difference. My son will enter K when he's 5.5, and he will be a year more mature.
In short, I know my child's rate of maturation, and I know that even those simple requirements in K would be too much for him now.
Personally, I don't think that the OP's child is disabled or disadvantaged in any way. She mentioned that she's more of 3.5- 4 year old mentally. I immedially reflected on my son, who is about the same age mentally. If I were in the OP's shoes, I'd withdraw the child and wait for a year. Some kids are not ready emotionally, even though they may be ready academically. My son has known alphabet and numbers since he was 2.5, still I can see he's not ready behaviorally.
I think in the first place I would not have placed her in public school . I found out through my dealings with my son having diabetes that public school is not equipped to deal with illness much less handicaps . I had a teacher the very first day of school telling me she was not going to keep an eye on my son just because he was diabetic and she certainly was not going to give him an injection !!! No one asked her too my son would give his own injections and there was no school nurse period . so he had to go to the restroom to give himself his injections due to her hysterical behavior . anyways I can only imagine the kind of trouble you are having . Please , please have this meeting with the principal too . I dont understand why this teacher is having this problem . I wish you luck and please let us know how it is going .
I wrote my opinion about my decision that my son is too young for K, without wanting to bother everybody with details. Probably the saying "mother knows her child best" would not be enough for some, unless detailed explanation is provided.
To provide some, I will mention that I have two kids, one just finished K and is going into the 1st grade. Remembering her a year ago, how curious and concentrated she was, and how she treasured everything that happened in school, I can see the difference in my son. Mentally, he is still a toddler (that's what I meant by "being a kid"). He is very loud in public, and when asked to join something (just like they would in school), he runs away. He will not stay in line or sit at his desk for long, just like the OP's child.
Now, he had it much worse at 3 and 4 years old, and now at 4.5 I see a tremendous difference. That is why I agree with a poster who said a few months make a huge difference. My son will enter K when he's 5.5, and he will be a year more mature.
In short, I know my child's rate of maturation, and I know that even those simple requirements in K would be too much for him now.
Personally, I don't think that the OP's child is disabled or disadvantaged in any way. She mentioned that she's more of 3.5- 4 year old mentally. I immedially reflected on my son, who is about the same age mentally. If I were in the OP's shoes, I'd withdraw the child and wait for a year. Some kids are not ready emotionally, even though they may be ready academically. My son has known alphabet and numbers since he was 2.5, still I can see he's not ready behaviorally.
I understand where you are coming from, and I don't mean to offend you or criticize your decisions. But your last sentence is what is behind my rant. I think that behavioral expectations for K are too high. Not every child can sit criss-cross applesauce quietly for several minutes. Not every child can follow every direction all the time. Are the behavior standards that are in place now really of benefit to the children or the teacher?
I have two kids. One with a late fall birthday and one with an early fall birthday. They had to take tests to enter K the year they turned five. They made it in. My daughter has adjusted fine since then, my son strugged. But had he waited an extra year, then he'd be still struggling, and he would not have had a year's worth of services, assessments, etc. under his belt. As you can probably tell by now, he has disabilities. Things are not perfect now, several years later, but being his mother, I knew he could do well academically, and that he would likely be bored waiting.
Sure, a few people have told me I should have waited to put my son in K. Naturally, I disagree. Now if his problem was academics, then I'd probably feel differently, depending on the academic issue.
I think in the first place I would not have placed her in public school . I found out through my dealings with my son having diabetes that public school is not equipped to deal with illness much less handicaps . I had a teacher the very first day of school telling me she was not going to keep an eye on my son just because he was diabetic and she certainly was not going to give him an injection !!! No one asked her too my son would give his own injections and there was no school nurse period . so he had to go to the restroom to give himself his injections due to her hysterical behavior . anyways I can only imagine the kind of trouble you are having . Please , please have this meeting with the principal too . I dont understand why this teacher is having this problem . I wish you luck and please let us know how it is going .
That teacher and school is in direct violation of federal law. Period. Under the ADA they are required to provide accomodation for his disablity.
I understand where you are coming from, and I don't mean to offend you or criticize your decisions. But your last sentence is what is behind my rant. I think that behavioral expectations for K are too high. Not every child can sit criss-cross applesauce quietly for several minutes. Not every child can follow every direction all the time. Are the behavior standards that are in place now really of benefit to the children or the teacher?
I have two kids. One with a late fall birthday and one with an early fall birthday. They had to take tests to enter K the year they turned five. They made it in. My daughter has adjusted fine since then, my son strugged. But had he waited an extra year, then he'd be still struggling, and he would not have had a year's worth of services, assessments, etc. under his belt. As you can probably tell by now, he has disabilities. Things are not perfect now, several years later, but being his mother, I knew he could do well academically, and that he would likely be bored waiting.
Sure, a few people have told me I should have waited to put my son in K. Naturally, I disagree. Now if his problem was academics, then I'd probably feel differently, depending on the academic issue.
It may be that there are gradations between "normal but immature" and "disabled". At times, I'm inclined to think that my son is at the border of Aspergers. He's got a few markers but not all of them, and not the "main" ones. In that sense, I, too, am not sure that even in a year, my son will be a quiet attentive child, probably not. But, definitely, he is going to be better than now, - maybe that's what I am aiming for.
Besides, he's absolutely not bored with free play at home, if he was, then yes, I would think of school.
I think in the first place I would not have placed her in public school . I found out through my dealings with my son having diabetes that public school is not equipped to deal with illness much less handicaps . I had a teacher the very first day of school telling me she was not going to keep an eye on my son just because he was diabetic and she certainly was not going to give him an injection !!! No one asked her too my son would give his own injections and there was no school nurse period . so he had to go to the restroom to give himself his injections due to her hysterical behavior . anyways I can only imagine the kind of trouble you are having . Please , please have this meeting with the principal too . I dont understand why this teacher is having this problem . I wish you luck and please let us know how it is going .
Sorry this happened to you but not all public schools are the same. We have an excellent school system, with a lot of parental support that beats out most of the private schools I know. When I grew up I went to a not-so-great school district but it was still fully staffed with nurses. Not sure why your school didn't have a nurse, I would think that would be a liability issue waiting to happen.
Back to the OP, lot of good advise up top and I just want to add that even if there are no 'diagnosed' disabilities, you can still form an IEP with the school system. Note that a lot of these developmental issues aren't diagnosed with a simple blood test. YOU are actually a big part of the diagnosis, and if there is any inkling of doubt on your child's developmental advancement you want to let the school know. They cannot provide for more in the classroom without a detailed IEP.
Your child may simply need some additional OT help (an aide that comes in) to figure out some coping strategies for her in situations where she may feel overwhelmed.
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