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My son just started middle school this year, and there was an incident this week with one of his teachers. Apparently, there is a rowdy handful of kids in the class and at some point the teacher just blew his lid and started yelling at all the kids and telling them they weren't smart, etc., until a number of kids in the class were literally in tears (including DS).
I didn't hear this from my son but from another mom I know well. In fact I had been asking DS about why he had to get class notes from someone else when he had been present in class (I was thinking he was not taking good notes!) but in fact, I guess the teacher didn't leave the notes up for very long due to extra class discussion/disruption, and so the class's homework was to get the notes from someone else who had the class a different period. DS told me they had been talking about stuff for too long, s that's why he had to get someone else's notes.
Then after talking to this mom, who must have been burning up the phone lines with other parents to confirm this account, he finally acknowledged what happened. He was embarrassed about crying, and just seemed to think this is something that happens, and you have to take it. (I think he did tell me last weekend that this teacher was like a fairer version of Snape, from Harry Potter!)
The teacher is ex-military, relatively new to the school, and a number of the students in this class had him over the summer for day camp.
What do I say? Do I talk to the teacher? THe principal? I kind of wanted to wait and see how today went. I have no idea what work they are doing or how he is grading the kids yet. I guess I'm not sure how to sort this out.
I think you should meet the teacher, with your son. Get a first hand impression of the teacher and his motives.
Middle schools can be horrendous and teachers sometimes take the drill sargeant approach and sometimes that can work.
Just be glad your child doesn't have those old-fashioned nuns that never lost control over a group of kids.
I agree for the most part. My children are elementary school age - so to be quite honest I am not interested in an explanation around a bad day or misjudgment if something happened with respect to them at school. My children - not the teacher's pride or feelings, is my concern. I am their advocate - no one else has that responsibilty. That being said, I know my children very well and do not blindly follow.
I also have friends who are teachers. Lets just say that based on what they tell not all who enter or remain in the profession do so for the right reasons. I believe that most do, but not all - so a misstep in front of minors is not acceptable. I cannot yell at my coworkers and not expect to have repurcussions and that doesnt mean that I will be approached by those offended. I may just be called in and read the riot act or worse.
OP - you know your child and you know what your gut instinct tells you to do - particularly after reading our opinions on this topic. Do it - and let us know how it turns out.
I agree for the most part. My children are elementary school age - so to be quite honest I am not interested in an explanation around a bad day or misjudgment if something happened with respect to them at school. My children - not the teacher's pride or feelings, is my concern. I am their advocate - no one else has that responsibilty. That being said, I know my children very well and do not blindly follow.
I also have friends who are teachers. Lets just say that based on what they tell not all who enter or remain in the profession do so for the right reasons. I believe that most do, but not all - so a misstep in front of minors is not acceptable. I cannot yell at my coworkers and not expect to have repurcussions and that doesnt mean that I will be approached by those offended. I may just be called in and read the riot act or worse.
OP - you know your child and you know what your gut instinct tells you to do - particularly after reading our opinions on this topic. Do it - and let us know how it turns out.
I'm pretty sure that if you saw your child running towards the street and there was no way you could reach your child in time, you would shout to stop them. If your child were about to touch the hot electric plate or fire on the stove, would you shout to prevent it? To me, yelling is something extreme. The last time I yelled, it was to stop a child who was playing on the stairs and almost knocked over a classmate. I would rather the child's feelings get a little hurt, than another child be pushed down the stairs. Could I have handled it better, yes? But at the time I was simply reacting to what I was seeing.
Also, everyone has a bad day, parents too. What frustrates me is that I've heard so many parents say such nasty things to children, yet they will complain about a teacher in a drop of a hat. It's ridiculous.
I really do not see what the big deal is. So what if the teacher raised his voice? So what if a couple of kids were upset? They were probably all over it within a couple of hours.
The parents need to trust the teacher to be doing his job. This constant second guessing, contacting the teacher, contacting the principal is just another distraction preventing teachers from getting on with their job.
What matters is that the kids are learning, not the teacher's style. That is where parents should be focusing their concerns and you will not know that just a couple of days into the new school year. In real life, kids will need to learn to deal with all kinds of characters and mommy will not always be there to protect them. From my own experience they figure this out pretty well and without the intervention of parents. It is a good apprenticeship for adulthood.
I agree for the most part. My children are elementary school age - so to be quite honest I am not interested in an explanation around a bad day or misjudgment if something happened with respect to them at school. My children - not the teacher's pride or feelings, is my concern. I am their advocate - no one else has that responsibilty. That being said, I know my children very well and do not blindly follow.
I also have friends who are teachers. Lets just say that based on what they tell not all who enter or remain in the profession do so for the right reasons. I believe that most do, but not all - so a misstep in front of minors is not acceptable. I cannot yell at my coworkers and not expect to have repurcussions and that doesnt mean that I will be approached by those offended. I may just be called in and read the riot act or worse.
OP - you know your child and you know what your gut instinct tells you to do - particularly after reading our opinions on this topic. Do it - and let us know how it turns out.
Schools have to play a game of CYA. That we can bank on. Therefore, when it comes down to it this we can count on. Knowing this in advance there are necessary moves that as parents we have to be prepared to take. I agree with you.
What matters is that the kids are learning, not the teacher's style. That is where parents should be focusing their concerns and you will not know that just a couple of days into the new school year. In real life, kids will need to learn to deal with all kinds of characters and mommy will not always be there to protect them. From my own experience they figure this out pretty well and without the intervention of parents. It is a good apprenticeship for adulthood.
There is no learning going on when there are a bunch of rowdy kids who have control over the classroom and a fed-up teacher on day 1.
It happens.
Not sure if this is the case with the OP, but there are some teachers, who from the start of the year, lose the classroom to the rowdy kids.
And that's pretty much it for the year.
The parents of the rowdy kids refuse to acknowledge their kids are brats. The admin just wants the kids to pass the state mandated test. And the teacher just wants the school year to end...in October...
And lost in all of it are the majority of kids who are well-behaved, well-mannered and actually want to learn.
I loved teaching middle school. It's the time when society starts to write off children as menaces when, in reality, they are just learning their way and silently begging for the right direction. There are handfuls of students at this age who have an attitude like no other and severe behavioral issues that have nothing to do with ADD/AHDH, etc but just the pure fact they are punks. But I always found most to be great kids & they really don't mind school as long as it's not 8 hours of sitting at a desk staring at a book.
The OP was mentioning 6th grade. That's not high school, college or kindergarten...but cutting the apron strings for an 11yr old...a little early & rough....if anything, this is EXACTLY the age mom & dad should be hands on & then some with their children.
There is direct correlation b/w parents who are actively involved in their child's eduation (not just academic grades) & student success (again, not being measure via gradepoint).
I really do not see what the big deal is. So what if the teacher raised his voice? So what if a couple of kids were upset? They were probably all over it within a couple of hours.
The parents need to trust the teacher to be doing his job. This constant second guessing, contacting the teacher, contacting the principal is just another distraction preventing teachers from getting on with their job.
What matters is that the kids are learning, not the teacher's style. That is where parents should be focusing their concerns and you will not know that just a couple of days into the new school year. In real life, kids will need to learn to deal with all kinds of characters and mommy will not always be there to protect them. From my own experience they figure this out pretty well and without the intervention of parents. It is a good apprenticeship for adulthood.
I don't entirely disagree with you. When this other mom called me, I kind of rolled my eyes at first.
But the account she got, from just two kids (not as much gossip as feared!) who I personally know and think are pretty good kids, was beyond "raising your voice." It was loud enough the whole wing could hear. Things were said that were not conducive to learning. Now this mom has some school baggage, so I take her view witha grain of salt. And I get everyone has bad days and makes mistakes, even teachers. So I am not on a witchhunt here.
But on the other hand, would you stand by while a teacher starts losing it in the 2nd week of school? Set your kid up for a whole year of misery in his favorite subject? I know its not my life, but my son went through something and handled it in way where I needed to step in and make sure he knew right from wrong. Otherwise what am I teaching him? There's a difference between teaching your kids to be respectful and resilient and deal with difficult personalities. Its something else to teach them to be a doormat.
I don't think its a distraction to introduce yourself to your child's teacher. I really am not talking to this teacher to meddle. As someone posted and advised , I am asking about MY child's behavior and interaction in this class, and if there is anything I need to be aware of. No one else. Was the answer I got particularly illuminating? Not really. But that at least gives me a clue as to what to expect and how to advise my son.
If it were me, I would wait a bit and ask DS how things in that class are going over the next few weeks. Perhaps this will work itself out as the kids and teacher get used to each other. I wouldn't dwell on it or constantly ask him, but let him know that he has options.
Sometimes parents react differently than kids. I doubt the kids were traumatized by the teacher venting. Sure, he was out of line, but get over it, ok? Perhaps he was stressed by other factors as well as the classroom situation. Perhaps overall he's a very good teacher who was stressed out that day.
Teaching is tough, middle school is the worst, teachers aren't paid half what they''re worth, and, like another poster said, parents yell at their kids, but teachers are supposed to always walk a fine line?
Hey, my son cut up in class the first day, he likes to be in charge, was trying to be the center of attention, the teacher came down on him hard, sent him to detention for the rest of the week, called me, I told him good for you setting firm limits the first day. BTW, my son now knows who's in charge, and its not him (my son)!
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